Feeling a Little Guilty - Olathe,KS

You are definitely not selfish. Picking someone up for work every now and then is a good samaritan thing to do. But picking someone up every day that has family that could drive them, or could drive herself and just doesn't choose to, and who does not contribute to costs...I'd say she was the selfish one. I like to extend a hand when needed too, but then you run into people who just make being vulnerable a part of their life and they make other people feel bad for not doing for them all the time. She needs to grow up and maybe you've helped her some with that.

You sound like a very nice person...you are being too nice! That was over the top nice of you to offer her rides. She sounds like a strange one. She can drive yet she is happy to inconvenience others to pick her up and drop her off. She is the one who should feel guilty. And I agree that it was too much and you made the right decision to stop giving her rides. Don't feel guilty about it, you did the right thing!

You told her it didn't work you gave it a try let it go.I would be be asking questions why can't you have family that lives with you take you to & from work any other person does & not have someone from work do it or their is public transportation.
It would just drive me nuts to know I have a duty because i'm being nice & cut my morning or day short when I have another person not my family to take care of.

You are not rude or selfish, but you are an enabler.. I can be like that too.

But since you are the manager, this needs to be handled in a professional way.
All of the places I have ever worked, we were never allowed to have anyone "work or help" for no pay. It is a liability.. Insurance companies would freak out knowing you all allow this. It is a legal nightmare if she screws up business or is ever injured or causes an injury while not actually "on the clock".

Call her in and explain that no longer can she come into the work area before her scheduled time. Not even to work free. She needs to either stay off of the premises or go to the break room and stay there. In the future if she does not follow policy, she will be given a warning. After 3 warnings, she will be terminated for not following company policy. Sorry, I know it sounds harsh, but this is a serious, liability for all of you.

Then when she asks what she can do during that time, ask her "What do you think you should be doing?" Do NOT give her suggestions. She needs to figure this out on her own.

If she makes a comment about having problems with transportation, ask her "What can you do to solve this situation?" Again, do not make suggestions, she needs to also solve this on her own. It gives HER the responsibility..

Also document the rules and have her sign it. If she breaks the rules, bring her in explain what she did, show her the signed agreement and give her a warning. After the third time, she is gone.

This is real life,. This is business. If she cannot follow these simple rules, what other rules could she be breaking and you all have not figured it out?

You have absolutely NOthing to feel guilty about.
My mom doesnt drive, never has, can but wont. Drives me insane as well.
I and my husband were driving her to work for a few months after my stepdad became ill and couldnt drive her anymore. It ruined our mornings as well and we finally had to tell her that we just couldnt do it anymore. So, she took a cab from then on out. I'm sure my mother KNEW what an inconvenience it was for us to take her and pick her up every day. She did pay us well for doing it, but it still was not worth the hassle. I felt kind of bad at first, but hey, we gave it the best shot. SO DID YOU. I'm sure she will figure out how to manipulate rides to work without your assistance, she's made the choice not to drive so she knows what she's doing. Dont fret or feel guilty. You went well out of your way and overboard as far as I'm concerned..... Just let it go, and you should get a badge for doing what you did for as long as you did ;)

You are not a rude selfish witch. You said you would see how it worked out, it didn't work out. You are taking care of your family, and taking care of yourself.

The most difficult part about setting boundaries is sticking with them. Good people feel guilty about setting boundaries even when they shouldn't feel guilty because good people just want everyone to be happy. Consider this a boundary setting learning opportunity (the learning part is coping with the guilt and not allowing the guilt to set you back or break your own boundary rule)...and great work! You did your best and ultimately took care of yourself:) Yaaaayyyy!!!!

NO -you are NOT being ugly or selfish and shouldn't feel guilty. No way would I do this! She needs to drive -period. I have a cousin like this -no reason on earth for her not to drive, but she chooses not to -so in my opinion she can sit at home, take taxis or use public transportation like people who aren't able to drive. Don't feel guilty for a minute -especially since you have a small child to get to preschool -THAT should be your only morning obligation other than getting yourself ready and to work. If she can't comply with company policy because she just chooses not to drive, then maybe she needs a different job.

Oh sweetie-you are 100% in the right here! Do not feel guilty one more minute! This is a crazy story...you were being MORE than nice to everyone involved. There is no reason in this world why this woman could not get her own butt to work. Mornings ARE personal-esp when you are a Mom. You need to arrange them in the fashion that works the best for you and they need to be flexible enough to include any last minute change in plans.

The drive home is the only thing that I would have done for her. Not a big deal if you are both leaving the same place at the same time and she is on your way.

nothing to feel guilty about. i would have probably not agreed to it period. but you did, which is more than others would have done, and it has become an obstacle for you. you put a stop to it. she may decide to actually drive one day but until then it's her responsibility not yours. you're good.

I don't see what the problem is. You agreed to give it a try--which you did. It didn't work, so now it's over.
Let her get herself to work and back home.
Seriously, I don't understand what is the issue unless you feel guilty for telling her that it's over now.
She sounds like the kind of passive aggressive personality that likes to manipulate all around her.
Of she continues to be "out" of the beakroom during her "waiting hours" bring it (privately) to the attention of management. And let them handle it. The problem with "pawns" is that sometimes they don't realize they've been made O.! lol

Depending on what kind of person you are, sometimes it's hard to just say "no" - and then we become overburdened and resentful! The fact that you were able to recognize what being this person's chauffeur was doing to you, your mood, and your family is a good thing. Even better is that you were able to put an end to it! You shouldn't have ANY guilt feelings over it at all! Putting your family first is not being selfish. Your coworker was taking advantage of your good nature, but everyone has a breaking point. I'm sure it's a real load off your mind now that it's a "done deal"!

it's not your responsibility, and was pretty unreasonable of your boss to ask you.

You obviously are a very caring and nice person. That being said you did what you could and if it is too much for you, you do not have to make excuses for that. First, she isn't your responsibility, it is the responsibility of your boss to tell her if she does not stay in the break room she will loose her job. If she chooses not to drive and has to go in early. I would think it would be a drain to have to make conversation in the morning if you just want to drive to work in peace and quiet. It is okay to want and need that time to unwind and relax. I am sure there are not many people who would do this for you. Your boss should never have asked that of you. I too am a boss and have an extremely close relationship with my staff, however I know where to draw the line, and also when I need to step up to the plate if things need to be addressed. It is a tough place to be sometimes but if you approach things in a firm but respectful matter you can have it both ways. DON'T feel guilty, you did nothing wrong.

Well, gee. No. You're not a selfish witch. lol
I, personally, would have never offered/agreed to it. I am NOT a morning person, and am often running behind schedule. However, being that you enjoy your mornings, I suspect you are REALLY missing that alone time. As moms (especially a working mom) we have to fight for our moments of alone time. It is precious. Do not feel the least bit guilty for discontinuing the taxi service. She is a grown woman who can step in and manage everybody at work, let her manage her home the same way. :)

I realize that you were trying to be nice (both to her and to help out at work so that she isn't there longer than necessary), but it would be doing yourself a disservice to continue. If she continues to be a bother at work prior to her scheduled working hours, management should step up and draw a line about her behavior. It is obvious that she has options and just chooses not to exercise them. This is management's place to handle the "distractions" in the workplace she is causing.
You handled it all quite well, in my humble opinion.
Great try! Too bad it didn't work out, but she'll manage.
And you will have your mornings back. :))

YOU ARE NOT A SELFISH RUDE WITCH!!!!! Did ya get that??!! Maybe you can go down to the DMV and get her a drivers ed pamphlet and tell her when classes start, LOL. Man you did more than I ever would have, sometimes you just have to tell people that it does not work out with your family's schedule. If she says anything to you maybe you could say something about catching a ride with her family. You did a great thing giving her a ride all those months, and be strong if she starts making you feel guilty about it. It is not your responsibility to take care of her. It's her decision not to drive, so let her figure it out another way.

You have the right to set boundaries. Do not feel guilty!

You're not rude or selfish. Her family can take her. It's not your job. You weren't getting paid gas or overtime by management. If it really bothers them, they can have her find get her family to bring her or she can drive management crazy and get fired. She's old enough to take care of herself. Maybe she can take public transportation?

I am not sure I totally understand the question. Are you asking if you should stop driving this woman to work? If so, then IMO yes. And without a smidgen of guilt. Tell her your schedule has changed and that you cannot drive her regularly or even occasionally. If she is causing that big of a problem, let mgmt take care of it. It is completely reasonable for them to require:

1. People not "clocked in" to not be in the work area.
2. Reliable transportation provided by the employee.

BTW -- I am with you on the driving thing. It have met at least 2 people who choose not to drive. They are an aggravating burden on everyone. All activities have to revolve around how they can get where they need to go or how someone else can adjust their plans to haul their a$$ there too.

First of all, let me say "OH MY GOD." In your very last sentence you called yourself a "sucker," and with all due respect, I agree. I might have done something like this years ago when I was also a sucker to people and didn't know how to say no to people. But if I was in that situation today, I would have told this mooch NO WAY (in a nicer way, though)! I can't believe you agreed to give her rides to and/or from work every single day. I am glad to hear your employer didn't ask you to do that b/c that sounds like a lawsuit to me - they CANNOT force you to give rides to their employees. I was going to tell you to sue your employer. You should never have agreed to this insanity. The extremely important skill of knowing how to say no to people is something I used to lack, and is something that you definately lack. You were being way too nice to her. You have your own life, my goodness! It is HER responsibility to get herself to and from work - NOT YOURS! Sometimes being too nice is a curse. You must learn how to say no to people, otherwise it WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE. I learned that the very hard way, so please learn from my mistakes. Shame on her for taking advantage of you and allowing you to disrupt your life for her, and shame on your for allowing this situation to happen. Please learn to say no to people. Being too nice usually backfires, and people take advantage of people who are too sweet, too nice, and appear to be naive.

I am not sure I really understand the issue. Your tried to help out your company and her, which was nice of you. Didn't work. Who cares? She is not your responsibility.

FYI - I don't drive at night anymore because of an eyesight problem. I work, and often my husband drives me or I take the bus or leave before it gets dark (which gets really hard in tthe winter when it gets dark early). I would NEVER ever expect my boss or co-workers to make arrangements for me. I do expect and appreciate some flexibility with my schedule b/c I consider this a physical disability. But I try to not burden them... She may even have a mental issue when it comes to driving, but what the company and you did for her was way over normal expectations. Stop worrying.

Dont feel bad. You went above and beyond doing what you could do. I am the same type of person, who is always trying to help others. One time my boss had trouble with daycare. I offered to help out when she needed it. Well she needed it every day. I loved her little boy, but it was not fair to my kids. When her son needed a nap, I was hollering at my kids to be quiet etc. I finally told her that I gave it a try, but it wasnt working for our family (she wasnt paying me either--even though she said she would ) She figured out something else. It always works out in the end. Our realationship has been a little weird, but I think she understands (I hope so) You need to do what is right for your family. You gave it a try and it was too much. Totally understandable. Dont feel bad about it. Be proud of yourself for telling her no more--that is a hard thing for somebody who is a giver :-)

Nope. You're cool. You tried, which was very nice, but situations change, and you don't owe her anything. Just because you did a nice deed for her for a while doesn't mean you have to continue doing it forever.

Are you kidding me? You waited WAY too long to stop babying this woman.

She is a grown adult, she is not your charge. You are way too nice, and it is time to start taking for yourself. YOU come first.

You will get a lot of responses here, and EVERYONE will support you. That user woman should be the one to feel guilty, not you.

Enjoy your newfound independence.

You had about ten more reasons than I would need to say "NO!" Dont' feel bad. But I'm dying to know-how did she react when you said it wasnt' working? Did you stop driving her? DON't feel bad!!!

Just stop giving her rides, management is going to have to deal with her schedule that's not your job. I don't think it's right they pushed this woman off to you. I don't think you are selfish at all. It is not your responsibility to keep this woman on her schedule for work.

Goodness woman! You reall have gone out of your way for your co-worker but it's gotten out of control. Time to stop. Basically, you are enabling her to continue not driving AND to let her family off the hook as far as getting her to work. There may be a medical reason as to why she doesn't drive i.e. seizures/epilepsy but if she's not upfront about that sort of thing your resentment is going to fester like a huge boil. I think that you gave it a go but now you are struggling with it and it's encroaching upon your morning routine, so do not feel guilty. Unless she has epilepsy or is disabled there is really no reason for her to not drive herself to work. Her family probably feels the same way about it. No regrets!

Nooooo need to feel guilty. Nice of you to try and help with a solution, but it didn't work. This lady really needs to just act like a professional or even just an adult.

Don't give it a S. thought. You did more than most people would even consider doing. You are not the rude one, she is as she expects everyone to take care of her.

Good for you for trying, but let this be the end of it. No more feeling bad!

Did you stop driving her? I certainly hope so. I would go to the powers-that-be at work and inform them as well. You gave it the old college try, but it's too inconvenient and too expensive for you to do so any longer.

I am really surprised that you didn't ask for extra compensation from your bosses for either gas or time spent picking this woman up from work.

Do not feel guilty. They have taken advantage of you. Glad that you are sticking up for yourself!

IMHO there is absolutely nothing wrong with you terminating this carpool arrangement. It needs to be a win-win for both sides, and it sounds like there is no "upside" for you. Why are you taking on this liability, not to mention constraint on your time, when there is nothing in it for you?

I like to have control over my schedule too, and I have had instances where carpooling arrangements detracted from that goal. Sometimes it works out great, but when it doesn't I have to cut it off (kindly but firmly).

Good luck.

Of course you dont need to let people walk all over you, of course you dont need to provide rides for an ADULT and clearly she can get a ride from someone else. I cant believe your work would ASK you to do it! Is your work providing insurance in case you have an accident while she is in the car?? Take care of your family and expect her family to take care of her, or she can grow up and learn to drive. I would be peppering her with questions about why she wont learn to drive? Many people learn to drive as adults-they move to this country or move from a city filled with buses and subways to the suburbs.

Oh my goodness, you are not rude or selfish at all :D It was unprofessional in my opinion that your office even approached you with this. It is not your job to fix this lady's life or her quirks. I have a lil buddy like this too and I love her, but I could not take her day in and day out!! Everybody needs quiet/sanity time. I am up before my whole family on Saturday morning having some!!! I used to be in sales and drive everyday to different customers. When I was prego with my first I couldn't do everything on my own so they had this lady train with me ALL day EVERY day...wow...it was intense. Not because she is a bad gal, but because having someone in your personal space just gets old. I think it is good you did something about it, I would have started resenting it too. She can take care of things and the company can handle telling her that she needs to move along after work. Even if "the company" means you!! If you are the lead and have to talk turkey with her, just do it as a spokesperson for the higher ups, it isn't a personal thing. In my situation my little friend started to call me daily after I had my baby, DAILY!! I was recovering for birth, a hideous epidural produced migraine, and had just moved. She was mad I wasn't calling her. I finally called her and told her she could call me about every two weeks but that was it. She was hurt, but now several years later we are fine, she knows I lover her, from a distance;) So my point is if you do have to talk turkey with her, it may hurt her but in the end I think it will be OK. I think you did the right thing taking your time back!! :D