Feeling like a Failure - Need Some Kind Words

ECI is "Early Childhood Intervention."

My son had that, from 19 months old until he was almost 3 years old. Thus it was free for him.
He loved it. He was speech delayed. It is very helpful.

Regardless of all the 'what if's'... you can do something about it, still.
So look at it that way.

His Teachers, are telling you what they think.

Speech Delays, has NOTHING to do with how 'smart' a child is or not.
It has nothing to do with intelligence.
So do not feel bad.

Einstein, did not talk until 3 years old. And he is a Genius.

Just do what you can now.
And just be practical about it and getting him help if needed.

Well, I don't know your whole situation, but I will tell you that I required speech therapy in 1st grade, and my mom was a full-time SAHM. My point being that even if you'd done everything "right," he still might have a speech delay. It sounds like you are blaming yourself for something that just happens. It's great that the teacher cares enough to suggest the help that he needs. My son's 11, and some of his friends are almost incomprehensible because of their speech problems. At the age of 4, it's still easy to change! So maybe it would benefit you to "look on the bright side," as they say, and to focus on what you need to do NOW rather than what you should have or could have done THEN. Good luck!

I wanted to share with you that my youngest child (now almost 6) had some major speech impediments when she was younger. Two years ago, strangers couldn't understand her. I spoke with a friend of mine who is a speech therapist specializing in this stage of development, and she assured me that many speech problems go away on their own by the time children are 6, AND that evidence shows that it doesn't even really help to do speech therapy in kids younger than 6 for most issues. My daughter had trouble with the n, m, r, l, sh, sp, th sounds. What we did to try and help her was to sit in front of a mirror with her a few minutes every day and say a word (spot, speck, special, spaghetti - to show her how our mouths looked when we made the "sp" sound, for instance). She would repeat after us and she could see the shape her mouth was making, and then we would say something else, and make a game out of it. I have no idea if it helped or if she just grew out of it on her own, but she speaks very clearly now, and is ahead of her age in school. Speech development is not a result of being a great parent, nor is it a reflection on the intelligence of the child. It's just something that comes with time.

Don't let this situation get you down. Children are not perfect, and we don't expect them to be! And guess what, there's not a mom among us who is perfect either! We just have to do the best we can to help our children. You are doing a great job and your son knows that. Hang in there!

You working to put food on the table for your son, while being able to be around him is not failing. Catching things early is a Blessing. He will be fine, you are doing a good job-try not to beat yourself up too much.

Don't beat yourself up. You didn't ignore what they said about ECI-to clarify you mean early childhood intervention correct?- and they didn't push it. He is only 4. Kids learn things at different rates and just when they seem way behind, they catch up almost overnight. Developmental milestones cannot be pushed anyway, but early intervention is never a bad idea. Get the evaluation for speech done for your peace of mind and definitely talk to your doctor about these issues for another perspective. It is all we can do as a parent. I taught elementary for 13 years. I know how important it is to read to my kids, but I don't always do it like I should and they watch more tv than I should allow. We do what we can! Hang in there mama!!

A.

I homeschooled my kids, was with them all the time, using all those teachable moments and still managed to miss my one son's speech impediment. My mom was the one who clued me in, and by this time he was 8yo. I felt really bad about letting it go for so long. It was something that would have been more easily treated at 4 yo. But sometimes, being around our kids so much makes it harder to see these things, we just become used to them the way they are. So I think you are doing great to have this opportunity to address his speech issues while he is still young.

Don't beat yourself up. My son started kinder this year and I've got to tell you that I was REALLY surprised to hear how many kids actually have some type of a speech problem. I had to use ECI for my daughter because she was such a late speaker. My experience with them was great. But, at the age of 3 the school system takes over. So, you might want to contact your local school and ask to speak with the school's speech pathologist. It won't hurt to have him evaluated. And through the school system, I don't think there would be any charge to you or your insurance company.

TAke a very deep slow breath. Getting early intervention for your kiddo is not a big deal. I have two kids and their pre-school teacher suggested evaluation for both of them. One was not eligile - she had a speech delay but not enough to warrant early intervention. My son was eligible and recieved "special ed" fromt eh age of 3 1/2 on. he's in 6th grade now and was less than one point from being honor roll. He still get help for reading and language based stuff. He's very smart - a whiz at math and science - he even loves social studies. He's a great athlete - but his reading skills will never b great - and his penmanship is horrible! But he is bound to be an engineer or technician or something along those lines.

Do not make yourself crazy over this - we moms tend to think we're responsible for everything that doesn't go perfectly - and yet somehow we don't credit for the stuff that does. Mother guilt!!! Do not take it on like clothing - It's just the way your sons is built. There are all kinds of skill sets -some people are amazing mathematicians, others are great artists or musicians. Some have excellent language skills and others don't. Schools teach and and measure math and language skills primarily - the other stuff is extra. There are lots of good books to read about different types of inteligences and different learnin styles. Check out books by Mel Levine (A Mind at a Time) and Cynthia Tobias (I can't recall the book title).

He will do fine - you did nothing wrong. Just love your boy - go to work if you ahve to (like so many of us do) - and ready to your DS at bedtime and jsut enjoy his childhood. before you know it he's a teeanger - and he'll have fond recollections of all those evenings reading together. You go mama!

is it daycare or school? Get him evaluated, teach him how to make his bed and clear the table and get a bowl of cereal in the morning-read to him a lot-take him to interesting places and buy him tons of books-does he know the alphabet? They catch up quickly-but let him mature and become self sufficient. It'll work out.

Hi P.,

I imagine it is very emotionally trying to hear that your son may have a disability. Reading your post, I can relate to the challenges of being a working mom. It does seem like we want to make up for the time we missed by saying all the loving words and nice things we wish we could have said and done throughout the day. You are in a difficult situation and it sounds like you are doing everything you can. Listen to the daycare providers and trust your instincts. Don't be hard on yourself for the choices you have already made. All the best.

I'm sorry but I get really frustrated with these pros. So many super intelligent boys I know did not talk much at ALL before three. And didn't talk well at 4. My closest friend's son is 7, and in the gifted program at his NYC school, and talks like Baby Bear on Sesame street. I wasn't worried at all when my son didn't say ANY words at 2 1/2, because so many boys in my enormous extended family didn't talk before 3. Meanwhile I had friends with professionals telling them their 2 year old boys talking more than my son were "delayed". WHAT? Now at three my son talks extremely well-better than my friend's 7 year old pronunciation wise, but I wouldn't care if he didn't. Sure, if you really forced it, he could have talked just as EARLY as the other kids, but it SO DOESN'T MATTER. They all even out later.
I have family members who would have thought I was insane to have my son "evaluated" for anything. I had friends who couldn't believe I wasn't having him evaluated. It totally depends who you are surrounded by.

Your son is on target for his milestones and they're saying this to you? My daughter is in pre K and at NO TIME in her daycare history would anyone have suggested such things to any of the kids. Some of them talk like babies. Some schools are really hung up on that stuff, and you should cut yourself a break and relax. For REAL tell them to take a Xanax. I mean, now that they have you good and freaked out, sure proceed, but don't feel bad. Letting him develop naturally is not keeping him a baby. They're zoning in on things not everyone would. When people (husband) tried to "coach" my son on words a lot, I was like, "let him breath, don't make him insecure for trying, he's fine." Your son is doing great, and you're doing great.

All children develop at their own pace and sometimes it isnt until they are about the age your child is at before it is even beginning to be noticable that they have an issue. Dont look at it as a failure on your part as a parent. We all do our best and we all have our own beliefs about how to handle things. My sons father didnt even start talking till he was three but he is fine now as an adult. Talk to your pediatrician and see what he says. I know with my middle child the preschool was trying to push me into potty training him and the our dr told me to go back and tell them he will do it when he is good and ready.

Stop beating yourself up Mama! Where are you going with all that negative energy? No where productive!

Take things one step at a time.

If it were me I'd have him privately evaluated - I never want schools to know more about my child than I do. But it is expensive, and if cost is an issue you could do it through school.

I also would not necessarily impute any problems to something you did or did not do. Just deal with things where you are, right now. There's no good to come from looking back, except to learn. It sounds like your child is still very young and you have time (though I wouldn't delay further). Chances are everything is going to turn out fine - just keep moving forward.

Good luck. Hugs to you.

I don't know what ECI stands for. But my son had speech therapy. In Illinois we have Early Bird Screening. They can do it as early as 3 years old. If your son has delays he will qualify for the program. It is free. My son qualified for preschool. the program was thru the school district. he was picked up and dropped off 4 days a week. Get him tested and then if you drop the ball feel bad but until you fail to do something that you know for sure he needs stop beating yourself up

Hi P.,

Life doesn't wait for us to address issues sometimes, and years go by with the illusion that there is always more time. I let things get by me all the time. Actually, my younger daughter, age 4, has a speech impediment as well that I still haven't taken care of! Your child is obviously very loved and very well taken care of, and that's the important thing. Your son will adapt and overcome. The important thing is that you are addressing it now!

It's very hard for us to accept any short-comings in our children, because they are absolutely perfect in our eyes. He's still very young, though, so you have plenty of time to take corrective action.

Keep your chin up Momma!

its hard to accept your kid is diffrent. i have been through this twice one worse than the other. both of mine have had speech therapy on what grounds are they wanting to do speech? my oldest had problems with sp, th, ck(i think if i remeber right) and a few others 6 months in speech he was good. it showed up everytime he said it. some kids outgrow this my nephew did. ihave learned by my oldest in some cases you wont do enough and some cases you will do to much when you should stay out of it.

i wouldnt worry until you are told twice his speech is behind. speech is not really a challenge it is but it isnt. some kids outgrow it. i wouldnt beat my self up just ask your pedi. with his age its probably going to be a quick fix.

now with my youngest its more complicated and sometimes i feel like i am not doing enough but there is nothing i can do diffrently he is what the consider non verbal.everything is out of my hands so to speak. and you tend to protect only kids more. relax until his 4 yr old check up and discuss it with your pediatrician. if you really want to be sure have him evalutated by a slp. if for nothing else your peace of mind it wont hurt to have it done even if he doesnt need it.