Feeling Safe Once Again

I second the idea of an alarm system. We got one shortly after my second daughter was born and had the doors and windows on the main floor beep whenever they were opened. This gave me a lot of peace of mind.

That is just awful.. I always wonder, if the robber knew that you were a mom of 2, and pregnant, would they have still robbed the place??, probably, although maybe not. I hope you get a chance to face him in court, if you get the chance to go to his hearing, GO! It might make you feel better to know what he has been charged with and how long his sentence is. In the meantime, I would seek some counselling. There are counselors that deal almost specifically with this kind of situation and are there to help you through this. You may only need to go a few times but if it helps you through this scary time, I would go.
I'm so sorry that you had to go through that.
Wishing you peace and safety.

S.

Dear J., How very frightening, especially with your little ones in the house. I helped my daughter move into her first apartment. That night after cleaning and unpacking we were so tired and went to bed. A man crawled in through her bedroom window. I heard him and jumped out of bed and screamed and screamed at him. Some place in there I called 911 also. He had a buddy who was breaking into the living room window at the same time and who ever got it unlocked first was where they would enter. I packed her up and we came home. The first week she and I slept together in the liv. room, the second week we kicked daddy out of his bed and we slept together in my bed. Then she moved to the guest room with the dog and the t.v. was on, next the dog the t.v. but the volume was turned down. Eventually, she moved out with two friends and still did not feel completely safe. I guess what I am saying is, it took a long time for her to feel safe again. You are just going to have to give yourself time to heal. Don't beat yourself up about it. Allow yourself to have all of those feelings it is normal. Eventually, with time you will find you do get robbed of something you will never get back again, you will alway's be weary and careful. The possitve side of this is, how well you handled the situation. You protected yourself, your home and children. You were strong and did what needed to be done to aprehend this guy. You know now that when you are faced with danger your a fighter and everybody better watch out! Try to concentrate on the good, stong things you did and not the negative.
K. K.

Well, of course you can't sleep! You've just been through a traumatic experience and your brain thinks, "If I rest, what will happen?" It will take a little time for that fear to go away, as the next several days (or few weeks) demonstrate to you that your home is safe once more.

It might help if you establish a routine before you go to bed, personally checking your locks, alarm system, etc., and making sure everything is the way it should be. Re-check locks after your husband leaves for work if you need to. Keep your house locked during the day if it makes you more comfortable; it's easy to unlock a front door for a friend. Get to know your new dog - get involved in his/her training - so you trust that you have both a good watchdog and a safe doggy friend for your whole family. Get somebody to give YOU a massage! Take extra time to have fun with your children so they won't pick up your fears (they may have some of their own; you need to be the leader in overcoming them). Look for things around you to smile at or to laugh at! Do you have religious resources? Look for assurance and comfort there.

All these will help you begin to relax and feel better, knowing at the same time that you're prepared for any trouble. That's a good combination.

Sleep where you feel the safest. Double checking the doors too many times will lead your mind to believe there IS a reason to be scared. Checking them once before bed and once after your hubby leaves is all you should allow yourself to do.
Pray for calming and peace. It scares me sometimes to know that I have to be the leader, but if you give yourself tools (mental and tangible) then you'll have no reason to obsess over it.

Place a few weapon like items in places around the house you feel are most vulnerable. When you get scared- make a plan. It's not so the fear can eat at you, it's so you know all your tools are in place and you can relax now.

My hubby works graveyards. Every night before he leaves he says "You can relax now. You'll be safe tonight" Hearing that mantra spoken by someone else helps me know it's true.

Focusing on the fear will not make a bad thing come back- and it won't keep bad things away ether.
All I know is, this happened to me 10yrs ago and when I let myself get nervous again my daughter can sense it and she never sleeps through the night when I'm up worrying.

You set the tone for your whole home. Make it a tone of reassurance and comfort. You deserve the best.

That must have been extremely scary. I am so sorry for you. My husband installed alarm systems for three years and has installed one in my house and several of my family members houses. I would invest in a alarm system if you haven't already done so. The most important thing is changing the password once the technician leaves. Do something completely different than all your other passwords. By default they are 1-2-3-4. You would be surprised at how many people never change their passwords! Don't do 4-3-2-1 either.

Get in the habit of setting the alarm when you leave and when you are home. Ask the technician questions, read the manual, and get to know all the features of the alarm and use it! I hope you feel safe soon.

I'm so sorry you have been through such an awful experience!
I took some classes in media criticism in college, and learned about a theory called "Mean World Syndrome." This idea, which has been proven in several studies, is the idea that the people who watch the most TV are far more likely to see the world as a violent, unsafe place because their perceptions are skewed by what they view. I know other people will suggest basic security measures--I especially like the suggestion to bond with your new dog so he can establish devotion to your family because having a pet is calming anyway and he'll help you feel protected--but do consider keeping your TV off as much as possible, and being highly selective about what you and your children watch as you recover. You can look up real crime statistics online and you'll see that real life is not "Law and Order SVU." Be cautious about TV news, too--the standard philosophy for choosing headlines is "if it bleeds, it leads." This could easily give you the unsettling impression that you could be victimized again at any moment, and that's simply not accurate.
I'm not suggesting you choose to be naive,since you're obviously not a naive person. I'm just reminding you that you have taken many proactive and practical steps to ensure your family's safety, but you do not have to live in fear.
Wishing you peace--congrats on your growing family.

I had the same thing happen, only unfortunatly the theifs ran quickly and we never caught them. I would just make sure you have all doors locked, etc. It will probably take a little while before you feel completly safe. Its normal after something like that. hopefully it will not take too long. Try and do whatever you can to get your mind off things, maybe some relaxation or something. Good luck with feeling better.

I too have been through a break in and theft in my apartment. It took a long time to feel safe again, but it does happen.

One of the things mentioned was to go to court when the thief is scheduled for sentencing. I know that put my mind at ease knowing the person responsible was behind bars.

In the meantime, don't hesitate to double check locks on doors/windows, that the alarm was set etc.

I feel your pain. We had our home invaded and it's hard to feel safe again after that happens. First thing - make sure you know your doors are locked (did you hubby leave the door unlocked when he left that morning?) so that all your "Fort Knox" stuff is working for you. What finally worked for me -- I locked myself out of the house acccidentally. Despite my repeated attempts to break in there was no way to get into the house until my hubby came home (only a couple hours later). After that I felt much safer when I knew all the doors and windows were locked. I hope you can feel safe again. HUGS!

This is very unsettling...my home has never been burglarized but I have been robbed at gun point where I used to work. It will take time to feel safe and comfortable and there really is no easy answer in this situation. However I have realized that these types of things usually only happen once in our life. At the time I was robbed I was facing a very difficult decision and afterward my decision was very clear. I guess things happen for a reason and I like to think sometimes they happen to protect or guide us in the future because you are definitely more aware of your surroundings now which could prove to be helpful in the future.

Hi J.,

I'm sorry--that is a very scary experience! Your personal space has been invaded and violated. You need to allow yourself to feel and process all of the feelings that this experience brings up. Please give yourself permission to deal with all of the emotions around this. It is perfectly normal. Journaling about these feelings can be very helpful for exploring and releasing them.

Another tool, if you are open to alternative therapies, that you can use is EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques). It involves tapping on acupuncture points while focusing on negative feelings. It can be extremely effective for releasing anxiety and fear. You can download the free manual through my website (http://www. healingtreewellness.com/EFT.html) or at emofree.com.

It is important for your children's sake that you feel safe. Even if nothing is said, they pick up on your emotions.

Finally, ask for Divine protection. Personally, I ask for angels to surround and protect our home every night.

Sending you love and light,
B.