Finding a Religion/ Faith Help

Updated on May 02, 2011
J.S. asks from Santa Rosa, CA
19 answers

Hello moms,
I was raised with no specific religion, I have been to a Russian orthodox church a few times, but that is about the extent of my religion knowledge. I have two little girls (2yrs and 3months). growing up I always wished that i really believed in god because i was always scared of death, and didn't know where you went once you died. Now that i have kids I would like to be able to give them faith in something, so that they know they will be cared for when they do die, and I think having faith in god will help them to be kind people.
So I do not know where to start or what type of religion I would like to bring them up in. I feel weird just going into a service because i have no idea how they work or what is appropriate. Does anyone have any ideas, faiths, or churches you can share/ recommend. I live in santa rosa CA.
Thank you

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T.K.

answers from Dallas on

www.beliefnet.com Is a website dedicated to the unbiased study of all religions. You can "browse" religions to find which ones speak to you. There are quizzes you can take that tell you where you fall on the religious spectrum. It takes a lot of soul searching. I know you want to believe what it is you are teaching your kids. So, you have to find it for yourself before you can know it's right for them. There are a lot of question you have to ask yourself. Do you believe in a creator? Do you believe in Evolution? Do you think the 2 are mutually exclusive? Do you believe we need an intermediary to God or can we approach him persoanlly? You can go check churches out until you find one you feel comfortable in. But, It's kind of like dating. You can find somebody you are comfortable with - but if you have differant values it will be a hard road ahead. The same with religion. You have to agree to the basic tenets of the religion, otherwise you are going to find yourself at a crossroads. Good Luck on your search and won't it be a fun adventure and learning experience for all!

6 moms found this helpful

M.P.

answers from Provo on

I'm Mormon (LDS). We welcome everyone! And no we are not a cult, despite what some people think on here. And we do not practice polygamy. We did in the past, but don't now.
Well if you would like to check us out here is the church's website. This page you can find out in a nut shell what we are all about. If you have any questions you can ask me.
http://www.mormon.org/
I really love Victoria H's post. You don't need a specific religion, just a belief. If you believe in heavan then tell your daughters about what you believe happens, ect. Wish you all the luck in the world in your quest to finding a faith.

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L.G.

answers from Los Angeles on

I would totally go to the www.beliefnet.com site in an earlier response. I just went there and did the what religion are you quiz. It's not pushing one thing over another.
Definitely take your time and look at many places, and go alone during the 'interview' process. Really check out the childrens programs, just as you would for your preschool or babysitter - assess their philosophy, how they 'discipline' the children etc.
Don't be afraid to leave a church or a group if it isn't fitting overall. Yes, you might have made a friend or two, but in the end who is more important.
Interesting question. Good luck.

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V.B.

answers from Philadelphia on

I think a person can believe in whatever they find faith in. It may not have a specific 'title', rather just having a belief in something. My mother was roman catholic, and my sister and I went to church a few times as kids, but I was never baptized or forced to believe in anything that I had little to no faith in. My mother was very 'religious' but doesn't go to church. She has a strong faith in God, and I'm glad that she taught us as kids about having faith but didn't tell us what we should believe in. Every child will eventually grow and understand things better for themselves, and I think that's when they should decide (when they can fully understand and process what faith its). I would never press any issues against my children or force them to believe in something they didn't understand or believe in themselves. Hope this helps. Good luck with whatever you decide to do! :)

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C.B.

answers from Dallas on

I would just start checking out the churches near you. Go to a different one every Sunday and try a little bit of everything- including non-christian faiths. But go with an open heart and mind. See how different churches make you feel and if you are comfortable with their services. Also, see how your children react to the teachers around them. If you have any questions at all, ask the pastor or preacher or whoever is talking in the sermon afterward- ask anything you like. Take a notebook and jot down what you think while you are there.
God is everywhere and he will lead you to where you need to be, and if after a while you need to move on to somewhere else- that's okay too.
Religion wasn't created out of a fear of death- but as a celebration on life! just like repentance isn't a punishment- it is the chance to start over and try again! Find a religion that celebrates God, one where you know that if you were the only person on earth, He would still do everything for you! It's pretty amazing! He knows exactly what you need and what you are going through- don't be afraid to ask Him and don't be too surprised when He answers!
God Bless!
~C.

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S.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

I had this question myself at one point, having been raised by parents who sporadically attended a Lutheran church, and wondered what I would teach my daughter. When I lost my mother suddenly to a car crash with a drunk driver, I surprisingly lost all fear of death. I continued reading and thinking, and raising my daughter while answering her questions as honestly as I can. My daughter is being raised not to fear life or death, and to be a kind, caring, and moral person in all ways. I am an atheist. I highly recommend it. Religion is a man-made institution created mainly because of our fear of death. It does nothing to create "kind people". If you have doubt of this, I recommend the book "God is not Great" which shares many examples of religions' cruelties.

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E.H.

answers from Kokomo on

I actually found a site that kind of gives a few minute test to find out what belief system you would fit well in.
It sounds a bit frivolous, but it was surprisingly simple but indepth as well. It asks a series of questions reguarding some of your core beliefs and how much important you place on those beliefs and it then gives a discription of what religions seem to kind of fit with those and what else they might have to offer.
I enjoyed taking the opportunity to focus on how I feel about certain issues as well as found the response to be extremely accurate.

Here is the link if you want to take a few minutes. It might help you narrow down where you might like to start trying out churches.
http://www.beliefnet.com/Entertainment/Quizzes/BeliefOMat...

I got unitarion universalist :)

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V.M.

answers from Erie on

I would ask around, it's always easier walking in if you are with someone you know. and even if it isn't what you are looking for, it will help you get a better idea of what you do want.

I second the idea of leaving the kids with dad or someone while you do by yourself or with a friend.

lots of churchs have classes you can take that tell you about the church history and beliefs.

Don't be afraid if you try one and like it and later on it doesn' work out. Just move on a find a new one.

our sunday paper has a listing of services and sermon titles etc each week, maybe just looking through those and then doing a little internet research into each denominations beliefs, and then more specific internet searching for the individual churches etc.

Maybe it shouldn't be this way, but I think if you are worshipping with people who are in general similar to yourself, that would be the most comfortable way to start. So if you like very formal very ritualistic worship look for a church like that, if you like modern hip, exuberant worship look for a church like that.
best of luck, support from a church family and faith in "something" is so comforting.

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S.B.

answers from Kansas City on

We're Catholic, and one of my cousins was raised Jewish but is currently going to a "black" baptist church because her son likes the music. Maybe you can leave the kiddos with dad for a few Sundays and kind of "shop around" the churches near you that you think you might be interested in.

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J.Y.

answers from San Francisco on

I would describe myself very similar to you, and I live in Santa Rosa. I have struggled with this most of my life and now, for most of my kids' life too. As an adult, I have been to many churches.with an open mind, asking lots of questions, and have always been welcomed warmly into each one. They generally love visitors and new members. Most of them have wonderful children's programs.

My problem is, and believe me I have tried praying about this as some have suggested, in the end, I just don't believe all the specifics of any one religion. They are wonderful places to go and belong, be with like minded people, people who generally want to raise their kids to be good and kind and do as God/Christ tells them, with wonderful groups and activities. But for me, I can't get past that I just do not, despite trying, believe in it when they talk about their real core beliefs.

I have studied a little about some religions and they all believe somewhat differently or sometimes so drastically differently.. In the past, there have been peoples who worshiped the sun, and other forms of nature (and still today to a lesser degree). (I'm no expert here, just trying to explain my thinking. I have a lot to learn, I will admit). My cousin, a historian, has described to me the origins of some religions and the history involved in their development. There are so many "holy", or whatever word is appropriate to their particular religion, books. In the end, personally, I just can't believe that only one of them knows the Truth. or that one of them is right, therefore, the others are all mistaken. We are all one people. I have just had to accept for myself, and for my children, that I believe in a creator, but I'm not able to "choose" one or choose a way of worshiping Him. (?) I teach my kids what I believe, (my husband is similar), and tell them that they will have to find their way when the time is right. I allow them to go to different churches with friends and church camps in the summer and then we talk about what they have learned. We say thank you prayers to our creator, whom we call, God, at dinner, or whenever, and basically show our appreciation for what we have. We live very similarly to following the commandments that are taught in the Christian religions as they seem like common sense to me. We have morals and values like any family.

I will say there is a "church", I think it is called, or used to be called, The Church of Religious Science. There is one on Sebastapol Road. If you message me, I will gladly clarify the name and address and give you more details. I 'm just not that tech savvy to find a link for you just now. Anyway, I was excited to find that it is a place of worship that accepts God to be in whatever form one thinks He is. All religions are "right" or acceptable at this church. They do not claim to know all the specifics but they strongly believe in a God and the benefits that a church community has to offer people. They keep the rest open to personal beliefs. (I may not be describing it accurately but it is something along those lines and the concept really worked for me). When I was attending, they had just finished studying all the major religions together. Unfortunately for me, although all of that was a great fit for me, I didn't feel it was appropriate to become complete members and make it a big part of our family life. I can explain that more later in a private message if you are really interested.

Anyway, I really feel for you. It can be a very difficult decision to make. I am still open minded but am more and more comfortable with accepting my beliefs for now. Good luck on your own journey and for your family and I really hope you find the answer that fits for you one day.

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M.L.

answers from Colorado Springs on

This is such an open-ended question that I would love to talk with you privately. I am a Christian, but if you ask twenty-five people what Christianity is you'll probably get twenty-three different answers. That's why it's difficult to answer fully on a post.

I commend you highly for caring about your children so much that you would like to give them answers to the deepest questions! First you must know the answers for sure yourself. I grew up in a church-going family, but as a child I had the same fears, because nobody told me there were real answers.

There is a church of my denomination in Santa Rosa. But the denomination isn't the biggest thing - it's finding out what's really true and aligning yourself to that truth. So if you'd like to, I'd be delighted to talk to you one-on-one (as far as it's possible to do electronically!)

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L.W.

answers from Detroit on

Check out the below web site

joycemeyer.org

B.L.

answers from Missoula on

I would pray that God would show you what's true and to help you find what he would want you to find. God is real. It isn't meant just for people who are afraid to die. If no one had any fear and if everyone had what they wanted, no one would need God. God does not believe in Atheism. I am a christian and I really believe that if you pray about this you will be find what is true.

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M.L.

answers from Chicago on

Hello J.:

You inferred you have some exposure to the Orthodox Christian Church. Might I suggest you contact a local Orthodox Christian Church and ask to speak with a priest about this issue?

This is a link to a directory of parishes in California. Today, a great many parishes use English and have parishioner's from many different ethnic backgrounds -- as well as many converts from other churches and faiths. In some parishes the entire congregation sings as a choir. All parishes should offer some form of religious education for your children. I doubt you will be able to find better fellowship and food.

http://www.oca.org/DIRlists.parish.state.asp?location=CA&...

Contact more than one parish priest and ask about his parish. Visit them and see which one you feel most welcome in.

Hope this helps

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L.K.

answers from Kansas City on

I loved Carrie's response!
I'm just the opposite of where you are now. I was raised in a very judgmental/oppressive religion. To the point that I stay as far away from organized religion as possible now.
But point being, you do need to just go and "feel" the environment of different churches.
*I found out a few years later that MY grandmother almost didn't even come to my wedding because of the religion of my husband and the fact we were having drinking and dancing at our reception. Yet HIS grandmother would have felt very uncomfortable NOT in a church of her religion. Funny thing was, we didn't choose a 'religion' church but we found a church we both loved that just happened to be the church of his religion.
Bottom line is that YOU need to find a church and church family that loves you and your family for who they are and that YOU feel comfortable with how they love others.
IN MY OPINION, there is so much judgment and bigotry in religion. That when you find a place you find peace, you should stay and embrace it.

Beliefnet is also another great resource.

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L.A.

answers from Minneapolis on

to add to Carrie's and the other responses, ask your friends if/where they worship and then ask them more about their religion/church/etc.

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O.A.

answers from Nashville on

I would recommend "In the Light of Truth" The Grail Message by Abd ru shin. This book is a spiritual work and answers in details where we came from before we were born, where we go when we die, what is the actual essence of man and so many other pressing questions that each individual human spirit may have. You may also wish to check out this website www.grailpublications.org. I wish you all the best in your search.

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C.G.

answers from Davenport on

I think the most important thing is to start reading the bible and start checking out local churches in your area. Every religion is based on the bible, but they all have their own interpretation. I think it is important to find a church that you feel comfortable with and the only way to know that is to start checking them out. I was raised Catholic (still am). My sister did not like the Catholic church in her town and started going to different churches on Sundays. She tried baptist, Methodist, and Lutheran. She finally decided on the Lutheran church and is very happy with it.

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J.V.

answers from Lansing on

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