Finding.... Something... Sahms

Updated on May 12, 2015
L.M. asks from Chicago, IL
10 answers

Hi Moms,

So I guess I'm feeling at a bit of a loss, or a crossroads, rather. My kids are now in school all day (K & 3rd), and the majority of my volunteer things are coming to an end with this school year. This volunteering has been very rewarding for me, in spending time with my daughter, getting to know a great group of kids in her grade, and becoming friendly with their moms. Some of these friendships will continue after the volunteering ends, and most will fizzle.

Sadly, making friends is not something I do easily - I'm just not a social butterfly, but there are always friendly faces and nice conversations to be had at the school. The other mom friends I have seem to be re-entering the work force full time as their kids are getting older, or moving. Evening or weekend plans can be made, but our during the day interactions are coming to an end.

I have a little paying job I do 4 hours a day and I'm lucky that my work schedule follows our district schedule, so I'm off when the kids are. The bad thing about this job is that it prevents me from being involved in the kids class, such as organizing parties or helping the teacher.

But here is my dilemma - I'm starting to feel like I'm loosing rewarding connections with the end of my volunteering, but the job is preventing me from getting involved in new ones. On the flip side, I'm not ready to start building my career again (which I know would be rewarding for me) and giving up that after school and fun summer time with my kids.

How have you (or would you) handle this??

TIA

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S.G.

answers from Los Angeles on

There are lots of volunteering jobs you can take on! I work full time and I have plenty of volunteer jobs on top of that. Are your kids in any extra-curricular activities? Do you go to church? Is there any community activity your family enjoys? They are all looking for volunteers. The beauty of volunteering is you can give as much time as you wish. If you want to help out with the odd special event, help out for an hour a week or full on chair a committee.

7 moms found this helpful

D.B.

answers from Boston on

There are TONS of volunteer opportunities in the summer that would be happy to have you! Branch out beyond the schools. In fact, many schools really don't want the parents of their students in the classroom - it's a huge distraction and creates a problem with confidentiality. There are many many places that need you more than a classroom needs a party. Try to see that ANYTHING you do in the community benefits your children because you make the world a better place, and they see you doing it. That's how they learn to give and not just receive.

Most towns have summer recreation programs. Many day camps would like to have someone help out - possibly in exchange for camping slots for the kids.

Food pantries are absolutely desperate in the summer. Schools and companies are on "vacation schedules" but more and more kids are hungry because the school lunch and breakfast programs aren't operating. They need people to help organize food drives and raise awareness - in neighborhoods, in companies, at supermarkets, etc. This is a good program to get kids involved too - helping to stock shelves and learn about hunger.

Red Cross blood supplies drop to critically low levels in the summer because companies slow down with blood drives (and employees/donors are on vacation) and colleges are not in session. They welcome volunteers for blood drives and donor centers.

There are plenty of neighborhood kids available to help with babysitting in the summer, so you can have more time available than you think.

I think, if you branch out more, you'll make many more contacts than if you confine yourself to the schools.

6 moms found this helpful
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M.S.

answers from Washington DC on

If you can afford not to work and if you love the school day volunteer stuff and free time with your kids..... wait on the job. The in class volunteer options dwindle as the kids get into the older grades, so do it now, while you can. The other thing I cannot stress enough is that their childhoods go SO freaking fast it is unbelievable! My son is just finishing up 6th grade and it really feels like yesterday that I brought him to his first day of preschool! ENJOY THEM WHILE YOU CAN!

5 moms found this helpful

S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

how much do you like your job? how much do you need it? is there any flexibility built into it? could you quit without wrecking the family budget and focus on your volunteering efforts?
if you need to keep the job and its hours are set in stone, then you'll need to expend more effort on keeping the connections you've made, even reaching outside your comfort zone do it. i myself find it inordinately difficult to be the one who stays active setting up the weekend and evening plans, but i'm so grateful to my friends who do it!
khairete
S.

4 moms found this helpful

T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

I was able to continue working PT at school and volunteering in the community and at the school all the way up through 8th grade. I can't believe that there aren't great opportunities to keep doing these things and spending time with other moms during after school and evening/weekend hours? We had several working moms who continued to plan and work at all kinds of school events, our annual auction was a big one, as well as the school carnival, field day, teacher appreciation week, etc. Even when you're working you can stay in the loop by email and attending the occasional after school/evening meeting.
I was also a Girl Scout Leader and our GS Council's Event Coordinator which was very satisfying and I got to spend time with lots of great women and create wonderful opportunities for the girls in my community. All of our meetings were after school and our planning meetings were always in the evening so that both at home and working moms could attend and participate.
As far as making friends, I found that it really took many years. Your kids are still so young, I guess you don't realize that. Some of my (now) best friends are women I've known since the K/1st grade days, and we all have kids in college now. Time flies! So look around and find other ways besides volunteering in the classroom to stay social and connected.

3 moms found this helpful
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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

You didn't specify what you volunteered for and what is available. At our school, the PTA is always looking for someone to do something, even if it's not daily in the school. Could you do those kinds of things? Head up the fundraiser or a school dance committee? DH and I try to go to in school events like concerts and field trips and field day. What does your school need help with outside individual classroom projects?

3 moms found this helpful
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M.P.

answers from Portland on

Do I understand? you are feeling that you're losing out because the school year is ending. And you won't be able to volunteer doing the same things as you did this year next year.

As you said, you're at a crossroad ending one season while looking forward to a new season. The place you're in nearly always causes some anxiety. If that is the case for you, relax and accept this feeling, knowing that you will start the next stage, leaving the anxiety behind. Remember that you are also mourning loss of the past opportunities.

What hours do you work? Knowing the hours would help to be more specific with ideas. You can search for volunteer opportunities on the Internet. Our community has a long list with contact information.

2 moms found this helpful
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❤.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

If you can afford not to work, I'd give up this job & continue with your volunterring.

I know what you mean as I volunteer in the kids' classes & it's so fun, cute
and rewarding.

Since you enjoy the volunteering & don't seem to need the income, my vote is to let the job go & stick to helping in your kids' classes. Plus it frees up the job for someone that may really need the work.

2 moms found this helpful
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N.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

I would sit down and make a list. What I want to accomplish now, with MY life, becoming my own person again,etc...then on the other side what is holding me back. Such as education, having transportation and clothes needed for the work force, etc...

Deciding to become a working mom is sometimes an overwhelming though. It's not though. If something happened to your spouse and you had no income you'd figure it out. Millions of moms work outside of the home and you can do it too.

One thing that will happen is that you'll start gaining approval of peers and not so much approval from home. You don't have to do it all, the benefits of you working will show up in getting to do more together as a family...such as great vacations, taking extra classes after school, stuff that takes extra money that you'll be making.

I think if you really enjoy working in the school system and like that schedule figure out what job you'd enjoy. Would you like to be in charge of a classroom? Day to day grind of it? Or would you rather be a teachers aid in pre-K or kindergarten all day? Crying, screaming over every little thing kids all day? Or would you have skills better used in an admin position or secretarial spot? They even have professional jobs in the school district that are paid professional wages.

You have to decide what to be when you grow up now...lol. Have some fun with it. You are not stuck in the mud, you have the rest of your life to plan for now.

1 mom found this helpful
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P.R.

answers from Cleveland on

At our school no way do volunteering opps scale back that early... Your youngest is only in K. So are you sure it's going to change already? But what struck me is maybe you should look into becoming a substitute teacher. Not sure all that is required but seems like you're so well suited.

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