Flirting on Face Book

I'd be LIVID.

I know that doesn't help, but yeah, you would literally see steam coming out of my ears, veins popping out of my head MAD. That's just so sneaky and disrespectful. Sorry :(

I do not think you are over reacting, I would flip if my husband said that to an ex gf. An emotional affair can be carried out no matter what the distance... if I were you I would confront him.

Um - wow.

Your husband has had TWO affairs ( I assume it was him and not you) AND is emailing someone saying YOU were a mistake?

Your man should be thrilled to be with you and should NEVER tell some other woman he should've given her a chance.

You are married. If my husband saw my open facebook account (of which I don't have for MANY reasons) and read my emails, good for him. I couldn't care less. Why? I have nothing to hide. He would be bored to pieces.

I do wish you the best. I am so sorry you are hurting. It sounds to me like he doesn't respect you.

I would more than mention this.

DEFINITELY MENTION IT. God i would flip out. he needs to be held accountable for his awful behavior.

I agree with the others. And, I do sort of see what you're saying about not reading it, but really....you didn't go looking for it, it jumped out in your face. Plus, if you trust him after these infidelities (assuming that at least one was him) then you now have a reason to question that trust. Considering your situation, if it were me I would have gone through all his messages to see what else was going on and I wouldn't have felt bad about it. You need to mention this, but be prepared for a major blow up, so time it and think carefully about what you want and what you think before you do.

I think the two of you need to have another talk about expectations, J.. It's ok to SAY what specifically is ok with you (and him), and specifically NOT ok with you (or him).

It's not up to US what's ok with you. Better talk about it soon before it eats you up. You deserve love and respect from your husband, and vice versa.

:)

WOW - my husband can go on my facebook anytime and check out what I am sending to who and vice versa. If he is not doing anything wrong then there is no reason why you cannot read his messages. I think it is totally inappropriate for him to be sending her those messages. Anytime my husband or I get a message from one of our ex's we let the other know and they can go on and read it for themselves. Then we decide who is going to respond to the message. (if it was inappropriate)

You should ask him about it. I don't think you're overreacting and besides, if you're married, you all should have full access to each other's FB accounts. My hubby and I aren't on FB but we have each other's email passwords with full understanding that the accounts are "open book". If I glanced through my husband's email when it was open he wouldn't get mad at me and vice versa. I guess it's to each his own but that's how our marriage works, for what it's worth. Hope that helps.

I don't think you're being silly or overreacting at all. And I would definitely "mention" it to him, you have every right to feel betrayed.

I'd ask why he never bothered to tell YOU those things, and what he hoped to gain from telling her, regardless of the fact they're not having an affair. I'd also seriously reconsider if you actually have "survived 2 infidelities," because behavior like his would tell me he's still open to it.

And don't "blame" yourself for reading his messages, HE left the account open.

Just curious about the 2 infidelities in your marriage.... was it him or you that did it?
Was this on his 'wall' or in his emails? i dont know much about FB, besides the fact that I'm NOT a fan!!

J.... TWO different situations of cheating and now this - and you feel you shouldn't have looked? Come on now!! Emotional affairs are just as damaging and betraying as a real like sexual affair. How can you defend a person who would treat you and your children this way?

Once bitten, shame on you - Twice bitten shame on me. You are now up for #3... and you are defending him. What are you showing your children? Do you want your daughters to end up being wives of cheaters? Do you want your sons to cheat on their wives and families?

You're not over reacting or being silly. I would definitely talk to him. Really sorry you had to read these messages.

Such a bummer. I'm not sure that he learned from his mistakes of cheating. Cyber-cheating is still cheating. Why? Because if you were standing over his shoulder, would he have written the same thing to her? He is creating more distrust in the marriage.

Don't make it about "her". Don't make it about "him" or even "you". Make the issue about what he is doing to the marriage and be honest with him in every way; that is if you expect him to be honest with you. Tell him straight up that his deceitful conduct and cyber-cheating behavior will not be tolerated. Be prepared, however, to put your money where your mouth is; if you make a threat or issue an ultimatum, follow through with it or he won't be able to take you seriously.

I don't know if you're overreacting. It seems like your SO wanted you to see them - otherwise, he would have logged out, right?

Seems passive-aggressive to me. You should ask him what's going on - not necessarily about the FB thing, but with your relationship in general. It doesn't sound like he's happy and probably doesn't know how to approach you.

What he did is NOT okay! You definitely need to talk to him. It sounds like he is not committed to you and hasn't been. If he's cheated on you twice, then it seems to me like he's on the path to do so again. The fact that she lives far away means nothing - it's the fact that the thought is in his head to talk to her in that manner in the first place. Emotional cheating is every bit as bad as the physical act of cheating.

My husband and I know each other's facebook passwords and it's an 'open door' policy. We pretty much tell each other everything anyway, but I know that option is there to check his account if I choose.

Marriage has to have a solid foundation built on trust. Don't sell yourself short! You deserve to be treated with respect. If he can't get his act together on his own and you want to save the relationship, then it might be time to get some couples counseling.

Get a flirt going on FB and leave it open so he can see it. Then you'll know if what's good for the gander is good for the goose. If he mentions yours you can talk equal to equal and let him know it is out of bounds.
If he's unfaithful a third time in the age of AIDS I would dump him. Your health is more important than "saving this marriage".

Whoa! Two infidelities? You are not over sensitive. And may I also add that an affair does not only involve a sexual act. A person can have an affair of the heart & mind. An emotional attachment can be just as destructive as a physical attachment. I would definitely discuss the matter with your husband. Personally I would not think it was harmless just because she lives far away. My sister's ex-husband left her for another woman he had connected with on the internet. He lived in Kentucky and the other woman lived in Oregon.

Ouch. That is a tough one. If your marriage has "survived 2 infidelities" then I would definately be concerned. I would probably say something to him but then again, I consider this already cheating. I don't believe you have to have sex with someone to be a cheater. the fact that he is in contact with her and saying such things is inappropriate and can open the door for something that doesn't need to happen. Basically, he is playing with fire and it needs to stop. Good luck.

Get a flirt going on FB and leave it open so he can see it. Then you'll know if what's good for the gander is good for the goose. If he mentions yours you can talk equal to equal and let him know it is out of bounds.
If he's unfaithful a third time in the age of AIDS I would dump him. Your health is more important than "saving this marriage".