Friend/babysitter

hi ali

I would go there a few times to get her familiar with it first
3 times should do the trick,

i also teach my kids a comfort song

the momma comes back
the momma comes back
the momma comes back to get me
the momma comes back
she always comes back
she never would forget me

then the next time leave for an hour, and come back,
before she starts crying,

When you leave kiss her and tell her good bye its scary to think your mom is missing.

and if she cries sing the song, but leave anyhow.
saying stop crying I will be back.

After the hour come back.

and gradually increase the time LOL

it also helps to have a system which is portable and works anywhere,

I like egg timers,
you can set the egg timer to go off when you plan to return,

or if she misbehaves you can use it to signify the time out is over.

hope this helps

M

You are so lucky to have a good friend in the area- take advantage of it! It's all about your child getting used to her, and getting comfortable being without you sometimes. I am going through a similar situation, only I don't have a good friend here. (I'm new to the area, and this is the hardest part!) So I'm trying to get my son used to staying in the gym nursery for a short while so I can work out. It's hard! (For me as much as him...) Every day I leave him for 5 minutes longer than the day before.

Please, please, please take advantage of this great opportunity! ALL moms deserve a break. Happy moms = happy kids. :)

Maybe your friend would be willing to come to your house once or twice so your daughter can get to know your friend in her own familiar surroundings.

I so agree, you are lucky to have someone nearby! I wish I did so I could have a break sometime. Its ok to take sometime for yourself. Dont let your in-laws make you feel quilty!

Dear Alison,

I own a childcare center and trust me seperation anxiety is at it's highest at the toddler age. It is perfectly normal for her to be upset, however if your friend is willing to listen to the screams I would continue to leave her and let her adjust. When I have this situation with a new child starting at my center this is what I do. First, I never allow the parents to sneak out it will cause distrust and you will never be able to leave her side. There is a limit of what she will understand however just say mommy will be back and i love you and go. I usually have the child come for the first week for half hour visits and then we increase the time by half hour increments until we reach their normal scheduled visit. Children have no concept of time, however I have found if it is a short and sweet visit she will realize that you are coming back and will not be as upset. I have a child that started at my center a month ago, her parents did not have the time to transition her in gradually because mom had to go back to work unexpectedly. The child is 15 months old. She is getting better each day but she was so traumatized she would vomit each day, cry all day, not eat, it was heartbreaking because there is just no way to make her understand mommy and daddy will be back. This is why I suggest the short visits she will still cry but for not as long and eventually not at all. I know this is hard for you because my mom felt the same about babysitting. They didn't go out so why should we just weddings and funerals ha! ha!. My mother didn't understand either why I would need a break from my kids. I think when we were younger our moms had other moms home with them so I don't think they felt so isolated, they all helped each other. Today being a stay at home mom is not as common ( I was too for 15 years) so you can tend to feel lonely and stressed. As I said if your friend is willing to do this with you I would take her up on it it will do you and your child good. For you to get a break and for your daughter to learn to trust others. Hope this helps. Good luck!!

You could try play dates and trying to spend some time around your friend socially. This might make the transition more exceptable, so she feel comfortable around others.

I really think you should say goodbye to her and tell her you'll be back soon. She may not understand everything - but if you just leave - that's pretty scary for mom to just disappear. If you say goodbye it seems to help. See what happens - but if she's never been to daycare or left somewhere other than your house - it's likely to take a few times before she gets used to your leaving. (Then when she does - you'll wonder why she doesn't feel sad to see you go anymore...?! hee hee)