Friends Child Interrupting

How about every time she does this, simply suggest she call you back when she can talk and say good bye. Every time. Eventually either she will get a clue, or she will call you when her kid gives her permission. Yikes.

A friend is not a TRUE friend if you can't be honest with her. My dearest friends have called me out on many things and I them. We count on each other for that.
If she is a true friend she will hear the "heart" of yor counsel and not take great offense to it.
You may be able to add in there that if there is anything she ever sees you doing in your parenting she is free to speak up....if you guys remain friends through the years you will each have MANY opportunities to call each other out on things. The main point in knowing that each of you have the other's best interest at heart and you comments are made out of genuine love and concern for your friend.

Hi, D.. Well, there may not be a really good, warm & fuzzy, sweet way to deal with this problem. What I would suggest is that at a time and place where you and your friend are alone & without any children around, lovingly and quietly discuss the issue, without any sense of frustration on your part. If you allow your anger and frustration to come out in a burst at her, she is going to be hurt, offended, and defensive about her little demanding angel who of course is perfect in every way and don't you dare criticize her darling or her mothering, for that matter.

I'm not sure how to approach it, but you might look up teaching children of that age group about manners and taking turns and such, and maybe cite what the expert says about this issue. Tell her you've been thinking about how to teach your own children these kinds of manners, and how it might be good if all the mommy friends got together and agreed to help their kids influence each other for good on these issues. That way, your friend does not feel singled out by her daughter's lack of manners, and she does not have to feel she has to defend herself. Maybe you can form the "Miss Manners Club" for all the little girls in your circle. Make a game out of it -- that's how kids get rewarded for behaving well when it doesn't come second nature to them.

Since the daughter is well-trained to interrupt and demand, it will be a process un-training her. It's probably going to mean a lot of temper tantrums before she gets over it. Most likely, your friend is trying to avoid such because the darling daughter is fond of throwing tantrums to get her way -- am I right? So the daughter has a lot of power here, as long as her mom is afraid of the tantrum process. Your friend has to stop being afraid of the tantrums, or this will never end. All hail the strong-willed child, LOL!

Anyway, whatever you decide to do, it's going to take patience on your part and a lot of non-judgemental love. Hopefully, you won't lose a friendship over this problem, and the little girl will grow up with wonderful manners.

Peace,
Syl

Hi D.,

I have a friend who does the same thing only her children are much older and I've even "hung on" on the phone while she's carried on a conversation with her husband! Her husband also seems to "demand" my friend's attention when she's on the phone. I finally had it and told her how annoying and rude it is that she carries on a conversation with her family all the while I'm left hanging on the other end of the phone. I have 3 children so it's not like I don't have all the time in the world to just "hang on." What you need to do if it should happen again is politely tell your friend that her child seems to need her right now and you will let her go...explain you have things to do too. IF you do this enough times she'll get the message otherwise just be honest with her and tell her flat out that you find it annoying that she carries on a conversation with her child. Perhaps your friend is oblivious to how much this annoys you. Perhaps you could say to her, "You know when my child interrupts me while on the phone, I tell her to go play with her toys." Perhaps you could open this up as a learning tool for your friend and ask her if she's ever tried to ignore her child while she's on the phone. Some people just don't have a clue.

Don't wait so long on the phone. When her daughter interrups, ask your friend to call you back when she has the time...maybe when her daughter is taking a nap.

(Sorry but I would've already told her, with a big smile, when your daughter gives you permission).

I have experienced this before and you are right-it is very annoying and it puts you in a difficult position. I've had friends and family members who would leave me hanging for long periods of time while dealing with their child and this is how I handled it. If on the phone, after being put "on hold" I would wait no more than 1 minute and then just speak into the phone that I was hanging up and that she/he can call me back when they have more time. Even if they insist that "it's okay" just hang up anyway because they will keep you on the phone forever and you have other things to do! If in person, when you've had enough, just get up and walk into the other room, start playing with/having a conversation with your children, or even say that it's time for you to go. Just remove yourself so that you are not sitting there like a wallflower. I agree that this woman's child is getting what she wants and the mother just doesn't see it but your time is valuable as well and this mom needs to realize that. The more you sit around and wait for her to resume the conversation the more it's going to continue to happen and never change. Also, you can model for her the desired behavior you seek such as if you are on the phone and you have to keep stopping the conversation to deal with your child in some way then end the conversation with her apologizing and telling her you know her time is valuable and you will get back to her when you can. Maybe she will learn by example?

Good Luck!

Good Luck!

There are some small children that will take every advantage of whenever mom is distracted by phone or chores to get into things, misbehave, or try to interrupt. They know that they don't have mom's full attention and, one way or another, they're going to get it.
You two can set a timeframe that works for both of you to have phone conversations. Maybe during naptime. Set that time in advance so you both know to get the kids situated and distracted so that you'll be able to actually talk. Talk with the kids before to let them know that you will need a little bit of quiet time alone to have a conversation. You can even get a little clock/timer to let them have a reminder to not interrupt until the timer goes off.
If you just need to confirm plans, etc... text. You can send a little message here and there on IM or email or text. That way you don't have to worry about it taking up so much of your time as well.
Friends understand when other friends tell us these sorts of things, they aren't just being selfish. I'm sure many other people who call your friend feel the same way about the interruptions. Sometimes they can't be avoided, but indulging them while putting the phone call on hold is not appropriate.

Good Morning!
I've had similar experiences when dealing with kids. I usually mention to the parent how when I was a child we would never even think of questioning our parents authority; and how I am raising my children to listen to me with their minds as well as ears. It is like a subtle trip down memory lane, yet it often got my point across. Not always, but i try always to do this when children are allowed to be rude! Or simply ask her to call you back when she has a few minutes to verify plans, that you too have things to get done! May God bless & guide you and I hope my advice/opinion can help you!
Sincerely,
Kathy N.

Your time is precious. Tell your "friend" to call back when she can talk. Hang up the phone and go about your business. You are not there to waste time while she explains life to her child...If you are at her house or she at yours, leave the room and do your own thing. Do not partake in this irrational behavior. If at her house, get up and leave...if at your house, you may even ask her to leave. This willbreak the dependency mode the mom and child are in. Belive me, it's over used and abusive behavior on their part. Don't be a victim.

Hang up! Although that's not tackful...She'll only do to you what you allow her to. (You can explain it later when she calls back.) As another Mom pointed out, your time is valuable too. I'm sure you could think of many ways to use it other than listening to her uneffective parenting.
I like the advice that gave you options of what to do in person at her house/at yours. (Find something else to do, leave the room or just leave.)
If your children continually observe this behavior and you "putting up with it", they may pick up poor clues on what's acceptable.

If you are really good friends let her know how you feel, my daughter won't flat out tell me that she doesn't want me to talk to someone but she always as if on cue will start asking me questions when I'm talking to someone. I'm past the time of explaining why it's OK for me to talk to someone. I tell her flat out that I'm having a conversation and that she wouldn't like it if I started yelling or screaming when she's watching TV, and I promptly tell her to leave the room and that I will talk to her later.

When it is a telephone call, you might tactfully suggest to your friend, "that it obviously isn't a good time for her" and that she is free to call you back "when she can talk". Also, BEGINNING your conversation with something like: "I only have a minute, but I wanted to confirm ____. If it's a bad time, you can call me back later." If you use these a few times, she MIGHT pick up on how irritating/rude what she has been doing is. I must say I have been on both ends of this before. The age of the child and their normal day does play a part. I am guilty of having done what you describe when my firstborn was small. He was an only child at the time and derived LARGE portions of his entertainment from interaction with me (the two of us were home alone together all day long), and was also "all boy" and constantly into everything, so me using the phone gave him an opportunity to get into even more things while I was distracted-which resulted in many interruptions from me while I told him "no" and tried to re-direct him to something else. When our daughter came along, the two of them interacted together, and I simply had to ask the older child to distract the younger for a few minutes to use the phone, or when she was old enough, explain (in advance of the calls) that she would have to wait. In my personal experience, boys are more difficult in this regard than girls.
A few tactful comments ("I can tell I've caught you at a bad time", etc) should clue in your friend, who may not have realized how inconsiderate she has been. But how well she is able to change things may depend on her situation at home (as I mentioned with my kids birth order, only child, etc). Even if she is in a difficult situation at home, though, barring an emergency (blood involved), she should be able to confirm simple plans and get off the phone without more than one brief interruption.

I have resorted to just hanging up before (when I became the interruption, instead of the other way around). There were no hard feelings; instead, I received an apology from the mom who had left me "hanging"...

Confirm your plans by text or email. Tell her your time is limited so this is a quicker method for you. Your friend may not realize this is annoying to you. Sometimes moms automatically think other moms understand but I agree w/you, that would annoy me, too.

It looks like you've received some good advice already. If you can get the message across, subtly or outright, that would be a great start. I think, however, that although she may become more aware of how annoying it is for you to have to deal with that, it may take some time for her to figure out how she can deal with her daughter more effectively in that situation. In the meantime, you may want to resort to text messaging when confirming plans, etc.

J.