So our school principle periodically sends out Stranger Danger notices to the school community. These are notices where an approach to a child has been reported to the school and/or police.
For instance, a child is walking home and someone asks them if they want a ride. The child reports this to their parents who call the police and/or school. The school then sends a notice to the rest of us about the incident, as much as they know about the car and driver, which usually is not much b/c it's a scared kid running the other way who is reporting the incident.
The latest one (and second of this school year, yikes!) was a child playing in their own garage and someone drove by in a white van telling the child to GET IN THE CAR! Thank goodness the child ran inside and told their mother instead.
My community is very family oriented and safe - at least I thought. Very low crime - our main criminal activity - and I look at the reports - (that is caught) is driving without license, or traffic violations. We have the occasional drunk driver and shop lifter as well.
I remember when I was a kid (around 3rd grade and older) having the run of a few blocks and my friends and I ride our bikes, roller skate and run around - hide and seek, tag, you name it. Now I'm fearful of my own yard, and I thought I was moving into a nice community. Although, I KNOW that there are bad people everywhere, even where there are big houses and manicured lawns.
Is anyone else feeling this? Do you get similar notices from your school?
I've talked and talked to my kids about what to do if a stranger approaches and how strangers don't need anything from kids - no help, no reason to talk to a child who is alone, so if one is talking to you and you don't know them, to leave immediately and tell me.
It's terrifying and I'm wondering about other communities, esp now that school has started and the kids are coming out of the woodwork.
Well a 1000 years ago the kids could not leave the cave without possibly getting eaten by a tiger.
We have had a couple of those but at neighboring schools. We don't live in fear but we talk about what to do and hope for the best.
Our school hasn't sent anything home. But my friend's school just had an attempted kidnapping of a 3rd grade girl, so I think they are going to have some sort of rally. He actually got out of his car and chased her. When I was in 1st grade, we were approached by some men in a car who tried to grab us, and my best friend actually was kidnapped, molested, urinated on, then let go.
So yes, stranger danger is very important... but so is teaching kids how to get out of those situations.
Yep, it is scary and sad, our kids can have no freedom or independance without serious fears on our part and theirs! We live 1/2 block from the local park, and yat, my kids will probablynever get to play their on their own withough me or another trusted adult in attendance becasue we cannot trust the strangers. And people wonder why there are so many "helicopter parents" nowadays - we are told everything is dangerous - our non organic food, our plastic containers, our aluminum pans, the water in our hoses/pipes, and every person we don't know is made out to be a potential predator! It is hard to know where ot draw the line, where to give permission/independance, and where to swoop in and save the day.
I do let my kids play in our fenced in back yard, while I am in the house, watching out the kitchen window periodically. They know if anyone they don't know approaches they are to come inside and tell me. They are not allowed outside of our fence without myself or my husband out there with them. They are only 3 and 5. I don't know when /if I will allow riding the bikes around the block, or walking a 1/2 block to the park with a group of friends, if ever.
I also don't know how to teach about strangers without making them scared of EVERY person out there - I want them to still be nice to people they don't know YET - how else will they ever make friends or get help if they do need help in a situation where i am not there! I tell them it is OK to say "HI" and talk to people in a nice way, but you NEVER go with/get in a car with someone you don't know, or take anything from someone you don't know - if someone asks you to come with them, or offer candy or ice cream or asks you to help them with something ( help me find my puppy), you get M. or whoever is in charge of you and we will "help" the person. If you are lost look for a M. or dad with a kid with them, or an officer or store worker in a uniform and ask her/him to help you find your mom.
It is hard and scary!
Jessie
Teach your kids and don't live in fear. We have a known registered offender two blocks down. I rarely see him outside his house. When the sks were little, we pointed him out and we also pointed out the house. When SD thought she was being followed, she was about 14. It was a totally different person in an SUV. She reacted based on what we'd taught her, came home, reported it and I called the cops who took her statement. Don't be afraid. Just be aware.
We've gotten notices too, so yes, I worry. And yes, we have reoccurring stranger danger talks with our daughters.
But we don't just focus on kidnapping, we also have made a couple of rules to help protect against molestation, which is estimated to happen a whole lot more often than abduction.
ABOUT MOLESTATION:
This report http://www.missingkids.com/en_US/publications/NC171.pdf tells us:
>>An estimated 1 in 5 girls and 1 in 10 boys will be
sexually victimized before they reach age 18, yet only
1 in 3 will tell anyone.
ABOUT ABDUCTION:
From the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children, The U.S. Department of Justice reports:
>>Nearly 800,000 children younger than 18 are missing each year, or an average of 2,185 children reported missing each day.
>>More than 200,000 children were were abducted by family members.
>>More than 58,000 children were abducted by nonfamily members.
>>115 children were the victims of “stereotypical” kidnapping. These crimes involve someone the child does not know or a slight acquaintance who holds the child overnight, transports the child 50 miles or more, kills the child, demands ransom, or intends to keep the child permanently.
I try to protect mine by hovering, quite frankly, but now that they are well into elementary school, that's getting harder. And unfortunately, molestation usually occurs by someone the kid & family trust. So we also continually reinforce the rules:
- We have 5 "safe people" who might pick them up unexpectedly, including me & their dad. No one else should ever be considered safe to follow/join.
- No one safe asks kids to go with them to look at kittens or puppies, get toys or candy, help them find a missing animal or kid, help carry something, or get answers to difficult home work. Not even a parent or sibling of a friend, a neighbor, or friends of ours.
- Our bodies are ours. We never have to touch or hug anyone if we don't want to. We never show any body parts to anyone, ever.
- Only money should pay for ice cream, treats, toys, pets, or anything else you may want. No kid or adult should ever ask for clothes or underwear, or a look at or a touch of your body for payment. Not even a kiss or hug. If someone asks, they're probably a bad person (men & women included here, unfortunately) and you should get away from them.
- If someone touches you without permission or asks to touch you somewhere private, you are allowed to yell at them to stop, call for help, or kick, fight, or bite if you are really scared, and you won't get in trouble.
- Telling us will never get you in trouble or put us in danger. Telling us is always the right answer, no matter what.
We've meted out the information over time. But it's all been covered more than once. We try not to make them fearful but empowered.
This has never happened at my daughter's school or in her neighborhood. This is an extremely rare occurrence. I have talked with my daughter (now 10) about what to do in situations like this and strategized with her about what she could do, at the same time telling her how rarely these things happen.
My daughter and I have trained in karate for the past six years, partially because I wanted her to know that she could defend herself and to help her gain some awareness and self-confidence. I will NOT keep her indoors or in my sight at all times because of the extremely rare occurrence of an attempted abduction.
We haven't seen such notices, so either our school doesn't do it or it hasn't happened. We get notices of "weapons" that are way too vague for me (by our school's policies, that could mean a pocket knife or a sem-automatic weapon and I'd like to know which!)
When I was little, most kids had a parent at home, so there was an expectation that adults were keeping an eye out as we ran around the neighborhood. Didn't always happen though. There was a pedophile in my "safe" neighborhood in the 60s in Maine...you just didn't hear about him in FL. AND people were still of the mind that you shouldn't talk about such things.
When we moved to FL, there were 2 mean boys that repeatedly pushed me into fire ant hills, but again, you didn't hear that kind of thing across the contry back then, even if your parents did talk to you about it.
Personally, I do not think it was safer then. I think the real difference is that we have TV, radio, and the net to convince us that more scary danger is around the corner (me too). Seems like TV is all crime shows with serial killers, rapists, and child-sex-offenders, and we start to think the world is like that (again, I am not immune). So we keep our kids in the backyard, even if a parent is home. No way to run around the neighborhood from that venue.
In your circumstance though, I would be scared. I'd wonder if it was the same person, and if the community wasn't doing something to address the problem, I think I'd try to organize a response (designated parents to walk with kids from school, police visits to school to teach kids...and be seen)
Good luck to you. This is very sad.
I remember when I was a kid (31 now), my parents always told me a "code word". That if they ever had to send someone to get me, someone that I didn't know, they would give this person the "code word" so I would know it was okay to go with them...There must have been issues "back in the day" as well.
I think it is terrifying as well - and I think it is just that we are now parents! The safe world we used to live in as kids is no longer as "safe" as we used to view it because we are more aware of all the ugly things that happen.
I think back to the days when my friend and I used to sleep outside in our unfenced backyard in a tent...I probably wouldn't allow my kids to do that these days in our FENCED backyard! :-( Kind of sad :-(
My son isn't in school yet - but I used to be a teacher and if there were instances or if we had "lockdowns" notices would go home to parents. It was difficult explaining to 5 year olds why we had to stay locked in our classrooms. Usually it was because of something going on in a nearby neighborhood (a domestic dispute that police were attending to, or a drug bust) and not anything directly related to the school, but better safe than sorry.
It is a scary world out there...scarier than I remember as a kid. :-/
Yep it's important to teach kids how to react in these cases. I do not get notices from school.
BUT , these are actually rare occurrences.
Most kids are kidnapped by people they know and it usually involves something like a fight between guardian and non guardian parents.
According to the FBI violent crime is down from what it was 30 yrs ago
no I am not afraid of my kids playing outside. I trust that they can handle themselves if something does happen. I've taught them to do whatever they have to to get away from someone if they are grabbed. Kick, hit, bite, etc. Whatever they have to do.
We also receive notices. Thankfully nothing yet this year. I grew up in Chicago and it is considered, always was, a safe neighborhood. But things happen. When I was about 10, one of the neighborhood kids was grabbed in the alley and dragged into a basement and attacked. I don;t know the extent of the attack since us kids were not give full info but we were all told not to go in the alley at all unless we walked the dog or were with someone else. I cannot recall ever hearing anything when I was younger or having a notice sent home. These are now taken a lot more seriously and it makes it scarier. And when I was younger, everyone--and I mean EVERYONE--knew who you were, where you were supposed to be. Mom knew what we did before we got home. Walk in the door and mom says "why were you over at this or that place". Now, we don't know everyone so much.
I have taught my kids to be watchful, pay attn to everything around you. NO headphones when you are walking on the street. Even watch around when you are just sitting outside. If someone does approach you, run the other way. A car cannot turn around so easily.
We actually get ours via text, email and letter.
But if you teach them what to do if the situation arises they will know what to do and you won't fear (as much). Yes I fear this but I have taught them and we review every couple weeks or when a note comes home. WE have role played situations...I let them pick the password, thought if they pick it they won't forget it!
We've talked about what to look for in a "good stranger"...if they are lost in the store...look for someone who has a name tag...another mom with kids.
Actually worked for a friend of ours a few weeks ago...they were all riding the lazy river and her daughter got separated from them...she found a family and let them know she lost her mom...by the time our friend got there a lifeguard was with her and all was well. You have to give them the knowledge and reinforce the knowledge...just once talk won't work.
