Frustrated

Updated on November 08, 2006
A.M. asks from Dunlap, IL
20 answers

My son was born at 30 weeks in June of this year. I was able to be at home with him until just last week. We put him in a daycare center because we dont really know anyone in the area that could watch him. We took him to the doctor today and she said that since he has already gotten a really bad cold that if there was any way we could keep him home that would be so much better. He is getting the shots for RSV but she is worried that since he already is getting sick that it will be a long winter if he stays there.
So this afternoon I pick him up from daycare and we were talking and RSV got brought up and the girl looked at me and was like I dont know what that is. I know there are a lot of people out there who dont but I figured a daycare would since it is up to them to keep things as germ free as possible. I have watched them go between babies without washing their hands and kiss the babies. You would think that they would know something about keeping as clean as possible but obviously not. I dont want to be rude but espicially with my kid they need to not kiss him and wash their hands everytime and I am not sure how to say this and make sure that it happens. Anyone have advice because I am feeling pretty upset about this right now?
THANKS

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R.N.

answers from St. Louis on

Hi I have a son who is a year now and at 7 weeks was hospitalized for rsv i am a stay at home mom of my son and 2 school age children. i since have been looking for families in my area that are in need of child care because i want to give families another option! i have not started caring for any children yet and only plan on caring for 1 or 2 i think espishly at young ages they need individual attention and small groups im in the ofallon il area let me know if i can help

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R.H.

answers from Kansas City on

If its not feasible to stay home, you may want to look at other day care options. My son goes to an in-home daycare and i love it...so does he. They are very particular about keeping things clean, and sanitizing the toys everyday. And, they have openings. Let me know if you would like more information. ____@____.com

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L.M.

answers from Peoria on

I can totally relate to your dilema. Daycares are a necessity in the world we live in being a working mom myself but when you have this precious little human being that you have to hand over to a stranger, it is the hardest thing you have to face. I just believe it is up to you to be proactive where your childs health and wellbeing is concerned. If that means telling your caretaker the deal and relaying your concerns, then so be it. I am very surprised this person didn't know what RSV is. How did you find them? Are they licensed? I know here in Peoria, we have a referral service and you can find licensed care. I just left my sitter due to some issues I had with her and placed my son in an in home care facility. I am still nervous about it and keeping a close eye on things. I think that is the best you can do. We did choose someone very close to my husbands workplace so he could periodically stop in. I think you just need to raise you concerns with your caretaker and keep on top of things. If there are more red flags, consider removing your baby. Hope this helps! :)

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A.B.

answers from Springfield on

I have a little girl that was born at 37 weeks, and even though that is considered full term, she weighed 5 lbs. 3 oz. My husband and I both worked about a year and a half ago and we tried to switch hours so one of us was always with them and not do the day care thing. That got to be too hard and we finally did it. She has always been very small and then she was 13 months old only 13 lbs. She was on a special diet and in this daycare. well after about 3 weeks, she got RSV, in February and was in the hospital for a week very sick, couldnt breathe it was very touch and go...Then she got out I missed alot of work and then back toi daycare when things got good again..not 3 weeks after she had been out and she was back again...for another week...same thing..both times hypoxia (where you arent getting enough oxygen for your body) After that I quit my job and we just struggled with money because I know that the daycare was not doing any good. We had a home health nurse visit 2 times a week and check her weight and breathing and general health. We bought a Pulse Ox machine (small one) and checked her O2 all the time...It is a major thing. A mother's intuition is almost everything. Now, she hasnt been in daycare, nor will she ever again. And She will be 3 in Jan. and is about 23 lbs now. Still very small, but lively and active. I dont know how many times and also different doctors I took her to, until one realized that something wasn't right with her. YOU KNOW your child. If you dont like the daycare, move it ASAP. You dont want your child at risk. Pop in and check when they arent expecting you, like at a feeding/lunch time and see how clean they are, and if they are wearing gloves...:)
Sara

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T.W.

answers from St. Louis on

I would look into an at home daycare for your little one. It's similar to a regular daycare in that they have structure through the day and most do activities with the child but with usually less than 5 kids in the house the germs are at a minimum. Try craigslist.com to find someone. And interview lots unless you find the perfect one the first try. There are so many SAHM that do this you will find the right match for you.

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A.B.

answers from Kansas City on

A.,

Honestly, that's the problem with letting someone else take care of him: no matter how reasonable your requests (and they are reasonable) or how obvious the necessity of being hygenic is, you can't control them. Is there any way you can stay home with him? I have definitely heard of RSV, and it is scary. I suppose you could also try another daycare or even a home care situation. I'm sorry I don't have any recommendations!

A.

S.L.

answers from Kansas City on

One thing that parents often forget, is that the parents are the ones bringing the viruses home to their children and daycare providers in the first place. All these illnesses walk into my house with the families I work for. None of us can live in a bubble. And I bet that you kiss your child as much and as often as you can. It's just a fact of life. I do understand your concerns though.

In interest of limiting the exposures... Does your daycare have air purifiers? Do you run air purifiers at home? Are you using only purified water for bottles? Is the daycare? Maybe you can suggest to the daycare workers that they take the vitamin and herb supplements that are meant to strengthen their immune systems.

I take cleanliness, air purification and nutrition extremely serious in my daycare. I only care for 4 children on each shift 7 days per week/24 hours per day. Even with all my kiddos on all shifts, it's still a lot less than a daycare center. But we do get the viruses and pass them around. I never kiss my daycare kiddos for cleanliness issues. But it doesn't help. I'm always frustrated too. But it doesn't change anything. I use bleach in my dishes and wash out the cribs and blankets constantly.

Suzi

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B.R.

answers from Peoria on

Yes RSV is not good. You should be so lucky to have a center that LOVES the babies. I know myself a formor day care teacher that is how i got the babies to bond with me and trust me.
With the washing of the hands between babies. They should be washing their hands after they have feed, changed, wiped a nose, face, etc. but after holding one baby and then picking up another one is impossible.
YOu are going to catch flack from your doctor about him being in day care. i dont think that doctors like babies in day care but there is noting that can be done when you have to work. I had been there myself when i was a new mommy. Think of it this way. your son is building his immunities to the germs of the world. YOur son can get a cold or RSV from going to the doctors office or to the store. Just day care is the target becasue that is where children are at the majority of the time. i am sure that your child care is taking all precautions to keep the room sanitized and disinfected.Keeping your house a bit on the cool side also could help. Or cracking a window while you are gone even on freezing cold days. Germs love to grow in the warmth. YOu dont get a cold by the cold weather you catch a cold by being inside in the warm house and then your germs are growing attaching to you.
Get some information from your doctor that you can take into the day care and then educate them on RSV. i am sure that they would appereciate the information.
Relax your baby will be ok and will have alot of colds and illness to over come. he has over come the biggest obstical of all fighting for the first few weeks of his life.Colds are obsticals and if he gets the RSV shot he should be off to a good start.

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A.D.

answers from Kansas City on

I live in Bates city as well, is this the Odessa Day care. I had horrible problems there....

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K.L.

answers from Tulsa on

Don't feel you are being rude!!! They are obviously not educated about your son's condition. I would suggest printing out some information about RSV...not too much, you want them to read it. And sitting down with the director of the daycare center and/or his caregivers and explaining what RSV is, why he has it and why it is SO important for them to be EXTRA sanitary! If you go to church I would suggest talking to the pastor to see if he knows of any older women in the church who would like to take care of your son...just make sure they're not TOO old...and they should go to an infant CPR class...as should you since premies are more likely to have SIDS...not to scare you at all...but the more educated and prepared you are the less you have to worry!
I just had a little girl this summer (I"m also 25) and I have to go back to work next week. I recently started a home-based business and it is my goal to be able to stay at home with her by next year! If you're interested in hearing about it let me know! ____@____.com

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M.L.

answers from Rockford on

That's the reason I won't put my 2 year old in a daycare. Maybe try talking to the director of the daycare and let her or him know what's going on and what u have seen because my mom works at a daycare but in the kitchen but they are supposed to of course wash their hands often and santize everything and some of them don't do it.

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N.C.

answers from Oklahoma City on

Hi!
I would have to say...if you don't feel 100% certain that the daycare is doing what it is supposed to be doing then move him!! Another thing is the Department of Family Services will have a list of daycares that take state aid. They usually have home day cares on it. But just make sure you're comfortable with wherever you take him and don't chance it if you feel uncomfortable!! Hope this helps!! Good Luck

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K.H.

answers from Rockford on

My suggestion is to go to a home daycare. It's more personal and generally they will take better care of your little one. A bigger daycare doesn't do what they are supposed to do mostly because they have too many kids and not enough hands. I worked in a larger daycare. It didn't deal w/ ones younger than 3, but the owner cared SO MUCH more about making money than about the kids. And she was a mother herself. It made me sick. I'm not saying that's what's going on here, but w/ a home daycare I think you would be much happier!

And I understand not knowing anyone in the area. But the key is to meet a few people and ask around. In the small town I live in it's by word of mouth. There are absolutely NO home daycares in the phone book... but there are MANY in town. You just have to talk to people.

Good luck!
~K.

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H.

answers from Bloomington on

Hi A. - I can understand what you are going through. I am not sure what your work situation is, but I talked to my employer and started working from home. I hired college students to come to my house to help care for my son and it was actually reasonable compared to daycare where we live and I knew what was going on all the time. It worked out so well, 7 years and 2 more kids later, I am still working from home. Of course not all employers are so great but it's worth a shot if possible. If not, there are a lot of daycares and private home sitters out there with fewer kids. Our subdivision has about 10 stay at home moms that care for kids during the day. Maybe a smaller setting would reduce the rish. Call the child care resource center in your area and they can give you names of private caregivers that are licensed!

H. this helps.

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R.K.

answers from Rockford on

Well, as a mom of a little girl who had RSV at 12 weeks old and a former daycare worker...I think that instead of talking to the infant room, maybe you want to mention it to the director of the center. It should be something that is talked about in every classroom there. Also, the ER told me RSV is basically the common cold and that many people get it many times in their lives, it's just a lot more dangerous for premature or brand new babies to get it. I'm sure it will be going around the daycare...and there probably isn't a whole lot you can do to keep him from getting it if he is in there. I wonder if maybe since they know his situation, they can wear a mask around him to try to protect him as best they can. I know the daycare I was in did that for some babies. Might be worth bringing up :)

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D.L.

answers from Rockford on

I know how you feel about RSV my twins had to have the shot every month for the first two years, alot of people don't know about this unless they have premature babies. I stayed home with mine and really wouldn't let people to knew them unless they had washed their hands and lower arms and put on a face mask but in your situation with having him in daycare I would talk to the Director of the Center about your feelings and concern's hopefully they will be willing to work with you.
Hope this helps you.
D.

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A.C.

answers from Oklahoma City on

I understand how your feeling, my daughter was born 4 weeks premature. She was born with many heart and kidney defects and was born with out part of her brain. We have been through 4 surgeries (two open heart and two kidney) in her two years of life and I can say that I know what it feels like to worry about illness. I can however say that no matter how much you try to shield your little one from germs there will always be some. Babies can feel when their moms and dads are stressed out and that is hard on them too. Relax a little and mention yoru concerns to the daycare but realize that there is no way in the world you can shield your baby from every germ. Hopefully your baby is strong and since he was born in June hopefully he has built up a good immune system. He will do fine relax and enjoy your little one. Know that they are only small for a short time and if you stress the whole time you will miss out on the joys of him being a baby.

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J.H.

answers from Kansas City on

I am a mother of a 32 weeker who had RSV, she was in a day care center and now I run a home day care. There is absolutely no way a day care can completely shield your child from germs. I would however place him in a home day care, less opportunity for contact with germs. Look for one that specializes in infants if possible. I am not sure where you live but try the following site www.daycareconnection.org. They can provide you with a list of providers showing current openings.

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S.

answers from St. Louis on

I am a mom of twin girls who were born at 34 weeks. I was so nervous about going back to work because of RSV. My girls also received the RSV shots and I was a FREAK about people washing their hands and holding them. I see nothing wrong with being this way. If I were you I would look into getting a nanny. Surprising enough we found nanny's to be about the same as daycare (mind you we have two). We were very cautious about who we had as a nanny and did alot of background checking and found a woman who is fabulous. I just felt better knowing that my child was safe and at home. Good Luck!!!Everything will work out in the end.

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M.B.

answers from Charlottesville on

I would suggest talking to the director of the daycare about your concerns. It is very important, especially this time of year, for childcare providers to be well informed about RSV, and especially about proper cleanliness procedures. My daughter has had RSV twice, and she wasn't in daycare either time. I was on bedrest with her as well, but thankfully I carried her to term (induced at 37 weeks). I have pictures of her with a nebulizer on her face (respirator for babies, basically) at six months, and then again at 18 months. We were lucky that she was never hospitalized and just did home treatment 3 times a day for two weeks each time. If the director doesn't address your concerns in a way that feel comforted, then I would look into changing daycares. Sometimes it doesn't matter what we do for our children at home when we have to rely on others to provide care as well. I hope you have success!

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