Funeral Help

Updated on March 18, 2012
K.L. asks from Dundee, IL
12 answers

Where to start?
I am a dog groomer and I have grown pretty close to a client. I have known her for a few years now and we had a relationship like family. We talked on the phone all the time about everything and anything. She had overcome so many illnesses and problems and she was very stong. It seems like all of a sudden she passed away today :-(
I don't know anyone in her family except her son. I am going to attend her services because I was so close to her and I need to be there for her son as well as her. I already told her son not to heistate to call me if he needs anything what-so-ever.
Is there anything that I should bring to the funeral? I haven't been to one in a long time other than my fiance's uncle whom I never met.
Do I bring him anything other than a card?
I feel like there is nothing I can do but I feel like I need to do something.

What can I do next?

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L.M.

answers from Chicago on

Often food is offered at a funeral service and in making arrangements for everything else, it's another thing to have to do. I'd ask him if you can bring something to eat/drink to the funeral home.

1 mom found this helpful

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L.M.

answers from Norfolk on

In the immediacy after a loss, families tend to be bombarded with many well-wishers and casseroles. Weeks later, the loss is not so fresh to so many people, so there are fewer visitors and fewer offers of help, but this is when the reality of the loss is really sinking in. This is when they need someone to show up and whisk them away to dinner because another hour of sorting through the departed's belongings is going to send them over the edge. Tell them you're there for them, but keep checking in. And figure out some what to commemorate your friend and share that with them. For instance, making a donation to the SPCA in her honor.

7 moms found this helpful
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E.B.

answers from Beaumont on

On the funeral home website they set up an area regarding "notes to the family". I think it would be nice to put your story on that. How you met her, how you were always impressed with her kindness and strength etc. Whoever wants to can read your tribute. I'd also send a private card to the family in a few weeks when all the shock wears off and people stop calling, sending meals etc. I've read time and again that the thing that means the most to people who have just lost someone is just to "show up" Your presence says more than words could ever say. I'm sorry for your loss.

6 moms found this helpful
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E.J.

answers from Lincoln on

A card would be a nice gesture. You could put in a gift card to somewhere nice. It's a good way to "send food" w/out actually sending it. If I were him I would appreciate that gesture very much. Sorry for your loss. Best Wishes!

3 moms found this helpful
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R.K.

answers from Appleton on

I buried my Mom 3 months ago and I'm still reeling from the cost. My Mom's funeral cost just over $13,000 + the cost of having the headstone, almost $500 carved with her name and dates + the cost of flowers, carnations, over $300. If there is no life insurance that is an awesome amount of money to come up with in 30 days or they add interest. Taking up a collection to help defray the cost of final expenses is a very thoughtful thing to do.

The other thing that he will need help with is packing up her clothes and other personal items. You will also need to find a place to donate them. It's like a final good-bye to pack up a person's belongings and give them away.

3 moms found this helpful
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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

wow.
Here in my State, people give a sympathy card with money in it.
It is customary here. It is to help the family with costs etc.

You could also, call her Son (it sounds like he is an adult son or older child?), and check in with him occasionally to see how he is doing. Not just now, but on a continual basis.
Some people, even if they are offered that they can call you, won't. Because it is awkward for them. So call him as you think necessary and just see how he is doing. I am sure your friend, would really appreciate that.
I assume, her son knows that you both were close.

3 moms found this helpful
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☆.A.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Lots of options.
A card.
Money for the family.
Food.
Flowers.
Mass card (if they are Catholic).
Something more personal--a blanket throw, picture(s) of the two of you together, of her pets and her, etc......
Most important, let her son know how much you valued his mother and in which ways she enriched your life....
Great suggestion to touch base in a few weeks and offer some help or a meal as well.
Sorry about your friend. :(

2 moms found this helpful
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K.C.

answers from New York on

When you are at the wake/funeral I would tell the other family members that you were her dog groomer and mention how you kept in touch (daily, weekly) w/ her during her illnesses and how strong she was. Who will take care of the dog? Offer to help w/ the dog ---might need to be walked or a visits from you. Even dogs feel the sense of loss.

I went to a wake recently and the family members did not know me. So, I said how sorry I was and then explained how I knew their family member.
It eased the question of not knowing who I was.

Flowers or money in the card is usually what I send.

So sorry !

2 moms found this helpful

L.A.

answers from Austin on

Depends on what exactly you are willing to help with.

I usually take some food for the people visiting. I just drop it off.

Sometimes, I have volunteered to help clean out the home when that time comes or to take thing to the donation centers..

I just make it clear that I really am willing to help in any way. I give them my phone number and email..

I am so sorry for your loss. I have many friends, that started off as clients and now we are really close. I know how it can feel to have been so close to someone, but their own families do not realize how much we have shared.

2 moms found this helpful

K.M.

answers from Chicago on

In my family we bring food to the Wake and we have flowers sent to the Funeral Home. Other than that we may bring a meal (freezer friendly) to the survivor's home so in my MIL's case when we lost her parents (we lived with her so I cooked) people brought food (they called and asked what ingredients I like to cook) to make things easier on the household. I think it's all about traditions really.

2 moms found this helpful
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P.H.

answers from Chicago on

I think it's wonderful that your heart is so touched by this client/friend. Sometimes I take with me a plant that can be planted outside in her memory but the best thing of all, I think, are memories and thoughts of the person. Write down a tender story or a funny one or both. It will be well appreciated. Include a photograph if you have one. Please don't feel pressured by yourself or anyone else to do more than you can-especially if you are busy in your business.

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S.K.

answers from Chicago on

Maybe offer a specific service like asking if they need/want you to care for her pets for a certain amount of time. money in a card to help with costs is always nice, or a donation to an animal shelter in her name since your relationship started because of her dog(s).

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