Getting His Dressed

About the only thing that I got to work was telling him I was leaving and he'd have to stay behind because he wasn't ready. Thankfully he never really called me on my bluff, but there were a few times I'd have to step out the door for a minute to get him to cooperate.

wow! it sounds like my son when he was two!(he is six now)i am a firm believer that your kids should have some sort of fear of you..not to the extream..they shouldnt cringe when you come in the room..although some things fear or not they just have to grow out of and get in a rutine with.good luck, this is a tough one!

You have to make it fun for him. Act like its a game! In fact lay out your clothes next to his, and race him to get dress, make it interesting... let there be a prize involved for the winner.

My dd is only 19 months but she is more agreeable if I ask her to race me. We race to put our shoes and socks on or to go get our jackets. She thinks it's a game. Can you fake out a preschooler like that? Try it and then let him win with a big ole hug and maybe a sticker and some cheers. Who doesn't like to win?

Let him do it himself...sometimes at that age, they try and be independent.

Hi D.,

I guess this is sort of local! I never thought I would see someone who I actually know on here. I'm C. from Germantown, but I guess you can see that.

Anyway, Erik and I go round and round with this almost every day. Like the other ladies have said, it helps to race him, have him choose his own clothes (even though is choices make my skin crawl sometimes. We went through three weeks of wearing PJs everywhere), and giving him a lot of warning. Also, he has an Elmo doll he loves and we dress the Elmo then dress him.

Other times, nothing helps but a swat on the butt. I hate it and can feel my stress levels getting out of control and have to struggle so it doesn't escalate.

Good luck. this too shall pass, right? In fact, I am writing this reply to you right now as a break from trying to get his clothes on. I hope we aren't late to our first dance class of the term.

On getting dressed my advice is to get him on a routine and STICK TO IT every day both weekdays and weekends. Get up, use the bathroom, brush teeth, get clothes on, breakfast. You can use a timer too - play a game and see if you both can get ready before it goes off.

On the coat, if my daughter fusses enough I (pretend) I am leaving away and start to walk out the door. She then "gets it" that her fussing is not going to stop our leaving the house and runs to get her coat on.

Good luck!!!

Here are a couple of ideas that might help: 1. Give him a warning ahead of the event. For example, in a few minutes we are going to go get dressed. This helps him to begin to transition to that activity. 2. Give him choices so he is having some control of the situation. Have him choose between two different outfits to wear or choose the order of activities. 3. Use a lot of positive reinforcement when he is behaving appropriately (Thanks for lying still while I change your diaper). If you need to, give him rewards for behaving appropriately while getting his diaper changed or getting dressed and then slowly phase them out as his behavior improves. Hope this helps! K.

Hi! It is normal at this age to challenge mom and not others!! Have you tried to give him "notice" before it is time to get dressed? It may be he is having fun playing or watching tv and is annoyed that he suddenly has to stop his activity and do what you want him to do. I try to give my son, age 3, warning. I say, "Paul, we're going bye-bye soon". Then I repeat that a few times so when it is time to get his shoes and coat on he is more agreeable. My daughter was very difficult too. With her, I would try to make it a game and challenge her. I would say, "you can't get your pants on", "you can't put your shirt on". She would ALWAYS rise to the challenge! Just take a deep breath, plan some extra time and be glad your little man has a mind of his own! And since you did mention it, I know it is easy to start spanking out of frustration. I don't necessarily disagree with spanking, but I think it is easy for it to escalate when a parent is stressed. Keep in mind that spanking him probably won't solve the situation and will just turn an already unpleasant struggle even worse. I'm sure the last thing you need is for him to associate getting dressed with getting spanked!:) Good luck!

yes isnt it great after they learn the word "no"! if you have the time when it comes to changing his diaper and getting dressed if he says no then wait a few minutes maybe 5 or so then ask again. give him a little bit to make the "decision" eventually he will realize his words do mean something. most likely its the power struggle going on hes independent or so he wants to be so let him know that he does have a chose. when it comes to getting his coat on give him a choose. its all about giving kids choses and helping them make the right ones. right now im sure he just wants to show you how big he is not always being told. think about all the stuff he is told to do let him have some chooses. i know the mornings can be hectic and trust me he knows this too. but maybe giving you and him some extra time will help also! its a phase once he realizes again that his words do have an impact esp no and tantrums he will use them less often. in most day cares they give kids chooses. yes things are structered but the kids still get to choose one or the other most of the times so they feel like hey i get to make a decisons. hope this helps.

for the coat i say i am leaving her. mine is 27 months. but you also need to try to have plenty of extra time to deal with this. as far as clothes maybe the same. say he cant go. entice him with where you are going and what he will miss. sometimes we just fight her clothes on and drag her with us. for us it seemed to be a phase, not that its gone but seems to have improved. she loves to naked around the house anytime.

You said "diaper" maybe he is ready to potty train. and if he must be naked he must sit on the potty.
good luck. i hope that helps at least a little, even if only for your sanity! :-)

Hi D.,

I used to have this problem regularly with my little guy (w/o the diaper issue, though). : ) I still have the same problem when I forget to implement my "transition announcements".

Before a major transition is about to occur (we're going to leave playgroup, for example), I announce this to him 5-10 minutes ahead of leaving time: "Jack, we're leaving in 5 minutes." I ensure he acknowledges me so there's no misunderstanding. I then count down for him in approximate one-minute intervals. This usually helps him feel better about the change as it takes place because he can expect it and feel like he's got some control of his environment. He's usually not happy about the change (leaving playgroup is never fun!), but he doesn't give me tantrums. He is now 3 1/2 but I implemented this sometime around his 3rd b-day and saw an immediate difference. I use it every time I think he may give me a hard time about a transition: a visiting friend will leave our house in 5 minutes, naptime is in 10 minutes, bath time is after this show is over, etc.--any length of time I think he can easily understand.

Hope this helps!
D.

Hi,
One thing that helps us with our child who is just over 3. We have "races" as to who can get dressed first. Before he could dress him self, I used a timer and we would dress him and see how long it took and then I would change. Usually I make it so he would win - but not always. We also would set the timer in the kitchen and if it went off before we were out the door, he wouldn't be able to play with a favorite toy or get a cookie after dinner.

I hope this helps, but it is still frustrating. We have the occasional days that you want to pull your hair out - but racing seems to help and put him in the right direction.

Good luck.
D. :-)

my 30 month old does the same thing, so perhaps it's a developmental thing. sometimes i give him choices of what to wear and that helps, but sometimes it doesn't. sometimes i resort to forcing him to get dressed, or my husband holds him while we put his clothes on; i hate doing this and usually only do it when we're late. otherwise, i got no answers for you except that you're not the only one suffering from this.

My advice it to go with positive reinforcement instead of negative reinforcement. Spanking/hitting, threatening, scaring and hurting in any way is a negative response and negatively reinforces what you're trying to teach (If I do this Mommy and Daddy will do this bad thing and we're all unhappy... oh no, scary!). Hitting a spouse, coworker, friend, acquaintance or any adult in order to teach them how we want them to behave for/around us in unaccepted and against the law. Why, then is it okay to hit a small child who doesn't have the emotional capacity to even fully understand why it's happening okay?
Praise, prizes, making it a game that he can win like some of the others suggested is positive reinforcement (If I do this Mommy and Daddy will be proud of me and happy and I'm happy, too!) He's looking for some control, at this age there is NOTHING in his life that somebody else isn't controlling. Imagine how that feels as he is quickly learning so many things and acquiring so many skills and then can't make a single decision. This is definitely a developmental stage. Try to make him feel like it was his idea to get dressed and when, maybe what he'll wear - like he has some control over the situation. Give him choices like "Do you want to get dressed before Mommy or after Mommy?" instead of "We're getting dressed right now and you better behave this time." When he does do it the way you wanted give lots of hugs, kisses and praise. Maybe a sticker chart or a tiny special prize or treat.
As with most everything else with parenting this situation just needs patience and time.