Getting Ready to Pull the Goalie

Honey. my children are 16 years apart and the "stressers" never stop! go for it! grow a large family and enjoy all the moments good or bad! don't sweat the small stuff!
have a good one!

Great name! (I'm L. V, too!) Anyway. I felt very pressured (by my own standards, not anyone else) to have another baby quickly after the first. My son was 2 and 8 months when my 2nd son was born. Mind you, if you have a girl, it wouldn't be AS bad, most likely, but these boys drive me crazy! They fight constantly, and when Ethan (2nd boy) was a baby, and Garen was potty training...I really wished I had waited another year. A friend of mine ended up having to wait (miscarriage in between) even longer...her son was almost 4 when her 2nd (a girl) was born. It was easier for her in many ways, but she also had to adjust to going back to having a child that is so dependent on her. After her son being able to go potty and do many things for herself, she was almost frustrated to go through the "baby" stuff again. Although, her daughter was VERY mommy-demanding and would cry for EVERYONE but her for several months! There are always pros and cons to both sides of things...the older they are, the more they can help...and they understand a little better when your attention is divided (or at least you can explain it better)! Those are just my rambling thoughts. I'm now a SAHM that's single...so that is making my struggle all the more difficult. My soon to be ex husband only has them every other weekend! It helps if your husband is really involved and your son isn't a huge mama's boy! (both of mine are!) Good luck on your decision, and remember...there is NO rush, don't feel pressured if you aren't ready! And God always provides a way...if you are ready, He'll help you handle it!

Hi L.,
Congratulations on your decision! For me the main issue of having a baby when my daughter was 2 was being up all night with the baby and being up all day with the toddler. You know where the books tell you "make sure you nap when the baby naps"? Yeah right!! I think that going from one to two children contains a lot of stresses no matter what the age gap so just go for it! It is hard work, but you will not regret it and your little boy will really appreciate having a sibling even if he doesn't show it right away!
Good luck!
L. P
www.YouCanWorkFromYourHome.com

My kids are 5 1/2 years apart. The thing that saved my sanity was that right before my daughter was born, my son started all day school. The bus came to our door, so I just had to make sure that he was up, fed and on the bus, then I could go do what I needed. Hopefully take a shower, eat, sleep, etc. Most days, as soon as my son was on the bus, baby and I would get in the car and run whatever errands were needed. My daughter would sleep in her carseat during most of it. Then we'd get home, eat lunch, and then it was time for the afternoon nap. This is where I would sometimes join in. Sleep!!! I would set my alarm, and then meet my son at the bus.

My advice to you is to let things happen if they are going to happen. By the time a new baby comes along, your toddler will be pre-school age, and you'd get a few hours of baby one-on-one during that time.

Good luck.
M.

Hi! You are right to be concerned, but I think no matter when you have a new baby there will be stress! My kids are 2 years and 9 mos. apart, so I can give you may take on the age spread.

I was so tired and stressed with my first that I really prepared my house and mind for the second. I told myself that for the 1st 6 mos. after the baby was born I was going to hunker down and get through whatever it took. I set up a twin bed in the new baby room and moved in for 3 mos. so I could get up and feed easily--I was worried about my 2 year old waking from the crying. I made sure we DIDN'T move my 2 yo to a toddler bed, so for about 6 mos. I had 2 cribs set up (we got a used one for #2). I had meals in the freezer. I ordered groceries online with PeaPod. Anything that would make my life smoother and easier, I did.

We had some really cute books for the older one that talked about new babies and siblings. Honestly, we didn't have much sibling rivalry at that point. I had TiVo and recorded as many PBS shows as possible and kept playing them over and over while I nursed and slept. I really tried to sleep when the baby slept so there were many afternoons my older one watched a movie and the baby and I slept on the couch in the other room. Remember, the worst is really the first 6 mos. and it flies by, so don't worry about scarring your older one!

I put sound machines in both kids rooms so they wouldn't hear the other one crying. I always had a carrier or Baby Bjorn so I could be mobile and hands-free. The double stroller got us all outside for walks. I had a great older woman that would babysit once a week for a few hours just to give me something to look forward to. I also made sure my husband watched the kids at least a few hours on the weekend so I could get out of the house.

It is stressful but you can do it! I actually thought it was easier to have 2 than one, but maybe that's because I was so much more prepared. Good luck!!

I completely understand! My son is 8, my daugher is 2 and my other daughter is 7 months. When I had Brooke (2) my son was old enough to understand what was going on and old enough to help. It worked out perfect becuase he was starting kindergarten when I had her so I had the whole day to relax while he was at school. When I found out I was pregnant with Saige (7 months)...I freaked. My daughters are 18 months apart. I won't lie it is very stressful and exhausting but also rewarding. Knowing my daughters will be best friends someday and knowing they will have someone to talk to and play with is fabulous. My son doesn't really have that. But like you said him and I have a wonderful relationship and are very close. I will also say if your husband isn't there to help...it will be even more difficult. I couldn't do this with out my husband's help. The other thing to be prepared for is your relantionship will probably have a slight strain. I've seen it with my husband and I and my friend and her husband (she had a baby boy 2 months after I did and she has a 3 year old daughter). But know that the stresses get better and your relationship will recover. Sorry I know I'm going on and on. If you ever want to chat...shot me a message.

Hi

Deciding to have another baby is always going to be a nervous time because you just don't know what to expect when having more than 1 child. If your boy is 2 now then yes by the time you get pregnant and baby arrives he could be almost 3 which is a lovely age gap , he will understand what you are telling him and can even help to a certain point , like getting you a diaper or the wipes. He may also be in preschool for a few hours a week which will give you time with the baby and then when your son is home and baby naps you can sit and do stuff with him.

I have 3 kids and have exactly 2 1/2 years between each of them , yes some days are hard and it feels like I am getting nothing done at all but on the whole it is good , the eldest is in 1st grade , middle one at preschool 4 mornings/week and the little one with me 24/7. When the second and third were newborn I only held them if they needed to be fed or needed a diaper change , otherwise they were in a bassinet or if awake then on the playmat , the others learned that they had to be careful and not throw andthing or jump around by the baby , I was then able to do a bit of tidying or take play with the others. I haven't been too strict on the nap side of things either , I figured that if baby is tired then they will sleep in the car or stroller , that way I was able to get out and take siblings to parks/playdates.

The best piece of advice I was given was that baby has to fit in with my life and not the other way around , this is especially true when you already have other kids as they have school etc that they need to get to on time , so for us we continued as we always had done but with an extra baby in tow!

Good luck

K.

I think a lot depends on your older child. Brining my second baby home was easier than my third :). My daughter, the oldest, has alway been very easy. My son who was one month shy of 2 when we brought home his brother, was a little harder. Having more than one child is AMAZING and to see them hug each other and play and teach things...I just think all of the good moments outweigh the daily stress of it all. Being a mom is the hardest job you can ever have, but when you go to bed at night and you look at two little sleeping faces, or more, nothing is better than that. Just take each day at a time, pick your battles, and let things go. :). Good luck! (BTW, my kids are now 6, 4, and 2 - so while we deal with a lot of insanity on a daily basis, I wouldnt change one minute of our lives.)

my kids are 2 yr 9 months apart and it can be difficult, but I think any age difference would be. My daughter went to preschool 4 mornings a week when my son was born and was an infant. That gave me 4 mornings to have with him, then the fifth morning my daughter and I would snuggle on the couch while he had his morning nap. The hardest part of the day, then and now, is between 4P and 6P which I call the witching hour. Both kids are tired and cranky and usually will fight with each other and I will count the hours until my husband comes home. Each age brings its challenges. I didn't worry as much with my second child. If the binky dropped on the floor, oh well. When I found him gnawing on his sister's chicken nugget at 8 months old, so be it. I pretty much went with the flow. You will have those days, but they will occur whether the kids are 3 yrs apart of 5 yrs apart.

As with many discussions here on Mamasource, I'm surprised to find little or no inclusion of the father and his responsibilities and perspective. Whatever you decide -- to get pregnant right now, to wait two years, to wait five years -- make sure that your husband is fully and clearly aware of ALL the stressors that will be involved and that he is 100 percent ready to step up -- not just to "help" but to be fully one-half the parent team. He needs to hear from you about these misgivings and concerns about life with two small children -- which, by the way, becomes life with two preschoolers, life with two elementary-schoolers, life with two in college at once....Consider those things too, not just how tired you'll be in the next few years, when timing that second baby.

And dad needs to be on board and ready to care for the kids too--if he considers it "babysitting" for him to look after them, reconsider whether you want another! I've seen a few families with two and especially three young kids where the dads just did NOT get that the moms were incredibly frazzled and the dads acted like they were being asked too much if they did anything beyond taking the kids to soccer practice once a week. Your husband may be much better than that, but do ensure he fully gets that HIS role doubles too. Even the greatest guy may not realize how much work a SAHM really does or how exhausing staying with even one young kid can be.

My children are 2 years and 8 months apart. My situation has been totally different than my friends that had their kids closer together. My oldest can do so many things for herself- and she is interested in the baby in a much more mature way than younger kids. I have really enjoyed being the mother of two! Yes, it is stressful at times, but I found the transition from one to two much easier than from zero to one (some of that depends on the temperment of the new one, but you can't do much about that:)

All that being said, if you really aren't sure you are ready then give yourself permission to wait! It will all work out in the end. Good luck!

Try to get your son involved with the arrival of the baby and teach him some things he can do to help. He can be the one to get the diaper from the bag, play peek-a-boo with baby and talk to baby. When you read or sing to baby, include him in that special time. Teach him now that he's the big brother and he'll be able to teach the baby new things that he's learned. AT our hospital, the staff had the siblings make cards for the baby that said "I'm the Big Brother/Sister" and included their picture. If he can start seeing himself as the leader now before the baby is here getting all of the attention, then he might not resent the baby. When help comes (grandma, aunts, etc.), take that time to make a big deal about your special big boy. Ask people who ask about gifts to try to include something small for the new big brother. If people don't ask, don't worry about it. You and your husband can also make a big brother gift bag by getting goodies from the Dollar store or at Target, which also has a mini-dollar store at the front. Let your first born have a few extra benefits, too, like spending a little more time with Dad alone. Make a big deal out of that so that he can start seeing himself as a "big boy." Maybe an extra 15 minutes past nap time? Then, he'll be excited about his new baby brother or sister, and might not go through tantrums and sleep schedule regressions. My children are 6 years apart in age and different genders. Stressors are still the same. Sibling rivalry, competition for parent's attention, etc. They get along great, though, most of the time, and the oldest child is very responsible and is able to watch out for his baby sister. They have individual friends and same friends. You'll be fine.

My daughter was born almost exactly 3 months before my son's 3rd birthday. (She was on the 10th, his birthday is the 11th.) I had some health problems that made it much harder for me (hypothyroidism that's untreated makes life in general hard), but I've noticed I seemed to have it much easier than my SIL who had her boys closer together. I was able to teach my son how to act daily, and he was able to get some stuff he needed and get dressed by himself, actually. My SIL has to do everything-and it's hard for her. She's stressed about going anywhere, stressed about changing nap schedules, almost everything. But for us, we went through a lot of it with one child (nap schedule chaning, dietary likes/dislikes, we really had a chance to enjoy our son and we were fully able to understand what he wanted and he could communicate it to us. That's a big thing with my SIL-she doesn't always know what her first son wants b/c he still doesn't communicate it that well. He also digressed when her second was born, and even my son did that some, but my son was still able to communicate, so there wasn't that much stress. Honestly, I think having almost 3 yrs is a perfect time. So much so that we're waiting until my daughter is just over 2 to start trying again. It was pefect for us-not carrying around too much stuff in the diaper bag, having a child that could walk at a normal speed, could help, and could understand when we spent time together and when we said that we still loved him, and that we weren't trying to replace him. He doesn't remember not having a sister now, and they usually get along great. We make sure to give him his space from her at times (she takes a longer nap, so that time usually works well for toys she can't have), and he understands that there are benefits to being older. My nephew doesn't really get that yet...he still kind of sees his brother as a toy, not as a person.

They all have stresses but i think what you need to do is make a plan. When the baby wakes at night and yells and could wake your two yr old what are you going to do to prevent or solve this. What are you going to do to make the older one not feel you are taking away His personal time. We have a 7yr old. We just brought home a new baby 2 mo. ago. No matter the ages you still have the same trouble. The only difference is understanding. Your 2yr old isn't going to understand he's going to be woken up. He doesn't understand he needs sleep and doesn't know how to ignore the yelling. So you have to prevent it from happening more because if he's woken up he's not going to want to go back to sleep and might even join in..lol So before you come home you need to start making sure his door is closed at night, put his bed on the opposite side of the room so it's far from the door. If he wakes up you need to talk about what your going to do. Have your husband deal with him get him back to sleep. Think of all the different things that can happen and how you are going to solve them. Feeding time. Are you going to feed them together and if so how, when. Even with a 7yr old it's been difficult at our house. My daughter would get woken up every night for the first month but now it doesn't wake her so much. But it's because she's older she knows what it is and would go back to sleep. That's why your 2 yr old needs someone to focus on him and get him back to sleep and not let him get involved in you taking care of the infant. If he's being helped back to sleep the getting used to it and not even waking up will happen sooner. If you need suggestions please email. I have done childcare out of my house most my life. I give nap and even watch at night for others and have done this all before. good luck

Interesting,
I don't have two children yet, I am a mama of a 20 month old girl. I have friends who have two kids, and I don't have that impression of them at all. Sure, there is more to do, but by the time you have a second, your first will be potty trained and can feed themselves. I do understand about feeling a bit guilty though, everything i think i am ready to have another, i get a waive of guilt like I am doing my daughter a disservice, i.e. she will have less mommy time. But the truth is she will have more big sister time. I have siblings and I think they are the best gift my parents gave me!

if you are not certain about having another child then dont
give it a little more time, almost three year olds tend to
regress alot when there is a new baby, can you really see
two in diapers at the same time ?? i am almost ten years older than my younger sister and we typically get along well
two children close in age will mean no privacy, no time for
showers or sex and even less money.
K. h.

I have three kids, 3.5 and 4 years apart. What the other mom said is SO true. The baby has to fit into your life, not the other way around. Our third went to swimming lessons, soccer games, gymnastics, out to dinner etc. I nursed him on the sides of soccer fields etc. Not ideal, but he went with me whereever we went. I rarely scheduled the other kids things around his naptime etc. He learned very quickly to nap in the morning, after swimming lessons and later while his sister was in Kindergarten. I have a friend who has three all two years apart. It was harder when the kids were little, but now that they are older, they all play together well, they have common interests, all three are in the same school etc. If you want another child (which is great, they are built in playmates), then just be prepared to "go with the flow". Our youngest slept in the car carrier, in the stroller, in the swing etc. He has not been scarred by this, in fact, just the opposite I feel. He is an easy going kid who is able to adjust fairly easily to switches in plans! Good luck to another Mrs. V! (I, too, am known as Mrs. V) I wouldn't change anything about having three kids!! It can be hard at first, but really, in the end, so worth it!

Okay here goes - why stress?? They are your kids and the younger they are the more portable they are!! You are the parent you decide what they can and cannot do. Yes it is stressful when they all cry at once or want different things, but you just have to remember it will all be over sooner than you think. I had 5 in 6 1/5 years, 4 boys and the last was a girl, then the dad left. Was I stressed - sometimes - did I survive - you bet I did - as for the kid,s the youngest is fifteen now and they are always quick to tell me what an awesome childhood they had. I made a chore chart and made them help me. You will be amazed at what they will do to "help" mommy! Never think that you have to do it all, they did laundry by 10 yrs. old, cleaned the bathroom, and washed floors and they did it because it was their "job" in the house - and no one got paid! However, we did take day trips at least once a month - to the zoo, the science center, the park anywhere I could to show them I appreciated what they did. By the way, none of mine were planned I just let things happen as they happened. Oh and one last thing - once they are teenagers - then you can become really enslaved, driving them here and there, needing this and that - I cannot wait to get my life back, lol! Wouldn't trade this for the world - go with the flow - and goodness don't be so worried! Take life as it comes...

SAHM of 5, aged 22 - 15, all homeschooled, currently last two in high school. Married for six years.