Getting Son to Stay in His Bed at Night

Try the separation technique. It should work within 3 days. He will cry, and possibly scream. Ignore it. What you need to do is tell him it is bed time. Take him by the hand and have him get into his bed. Then sit on the floor halfway between the door and his bed facing away from him. If he gets out of bed stand up and direct him back to his bed, but do not say anything. Then sit back down facing away from him. He will eventually go off to sleep. If he gets up in the night do the same thing.
The next night do the same thing, but sit at his door. Keep his door almost closed, but sit in front of it facing away from his bed. If he gets up direct him back to bed but do not say anything.
The third night sit outside his door and repeat whatever steps necessary, by this time he should stay in his bed and go off to sleep.

I did this with my twins and it worked great! My son has a stuffed dog he likes to have and my daughter picks a book every night.

Hope this helps.

The only way I have found to break this habit is by stopping it completely. When he lays down for bed, read him a book & give hugs and kisses, then leave the room. If he comes out, walk him back to his bed and leave the room again. Same thing for the middle of the night issue.

This must be done consistently! I went through this with my 2 boys and broke their habit very quick using this technique. Depending on how long it has been going on, it can take a couple days to over a week, but it will get better. Stay consistent with it, because flip flopping back and forth will make the process take much longer. Good luck!

Make it a GREAT day!

S.

oh do we do this! lol. I put her matress on our bedroom floor on nights when she is really struggling. we make sure we get a nice routine with her each night, with stories and songs but some nights she just needs more mom and dad to feel safe. sometimes I lay with her on her bed until she falls asleep, I also often just stand in her room and take a step back after a bit and slowly make my way out of the room. I don't like making her cry it out. I want her to feel safe and understood. usually when she is struggling going to bed she is feeling unsafe because daddy leaves so much, or she doesn't feel she has had enough attention during the day, I have found a pattern with her and usually know if it is going to be a sleep in our room kind of night or not.
we also let her go to bed early some nights and put on a movie on the portable DVD player its a treat so she loves it and we use it on nights she is obviously extra cranky--and it helps her settle in.
I don't know what your answer will be but this is how we do it. I've had mom's tell me I do it wrong but I think it is an individual decision for each mom on what is best for them and their child. try some things and figure out what works best for you.

My 2 1/2 yr old did this same thing. I would also sleep with him for awhile or let him come sleep with me but I got to my breaking point. I started a sticker chart where after staying in his bed for 5 nights he'd get a small reward (something that cost under $5 typically we'd get him a small matchbox car for $1 but he always got to pick it out at the store.) Then after 6 small rewards he'd get to pick out one big reward (this was like a $20 toy or something). This worked really well, we just reminded him when we went to buy the reward that he earned it because he stayed in his bed all night without Mommy or Daddy. (Trust me it took him like 3 months to earn the big reward but by the end he was staying in his bed all night with just the occasional wake up and he'd go back to bed really easy). On those nights where he was being particularly difficult we'd threaten to take his most recent reward away (some times he liked sleeping with them so sometime it would just be for the night and sometimes it would be for the whole next day). The only problem was it took him so long to earn the final reward that he got in the habit of thinking that every few nights after he stayed in his bed he'd get a treat. But that was more on my end considering we wouldn't count when we'd go out of town to visit family every few weeks. Good luck I hope this helps.

T.,

I feel your pain. My daughter just turned three, and was waking 4-6 times at night, every night, until she was about 29 months old! (That had to do with still breast feeding her. I weaned and things got much better.) She is still waking 3-4 times a week at night. We sit in her room while she falls asleep, and then the thing that helps us all get sleep is we put her in a double bed. One of us can lay and actually sleep with her if she wakes at night. It happens less and less. If she wakes now, she calls for us, and we can usually cover her up (b/c she is cold), tell her we are going to use the bathroom, and when one of us returns, she is usually asleep. If she is still up, we can lay down with her, and get some sleep while she sleeps. As she gets older, she is waking less and less, and I think this is something that she will eventually learn. In the mean time, she feels safe and secure because Mom and Dad are willing to respond to her needs at night as well as during the day--if that makes sense. And believe me, after 6 wakings a night, one every other day or so is no big deal at all!

Good luck and best wishes, sleep issues are really tough!

It may be that he is working through something that is making him feel insecure, and just needs your presence more. I like the idea of going to the bathroom, putting away laundry, etc... to let them know you are nearby and checking in on him, while still allowing him to fall asleep on his own. We need to work on that one ourselves. Good luck!

http://www.handinhandparenting.org/csArticles/articles/00...

I'm with you on this one! Maybe you know this, but we all wake up several times a night. If everything is as it should be, we go back to sleep and never knew we woke up. If something is out of place, we wake up fully. If you are staying with your son when he goes to bed, when he wakes, something is out of place. Your choices are to have him go to sleep by himself or stay with him all night.

My daughter just started staying in her bed all night by herself a few months ago - at 3. For her, it worked to tell her she was going to start school (preschool) soon and if she was not sleeping in her bed, she could not go to school. She stays in her bed about 5 nights a week. Usually if she wakes up to go to the bathroom she crawls in with me and I decide if she goes back in her bed or stays with me. Baths at night never worked for her - they would rev her up. Finding our own routine and staying consistent with that really helped. We brush teeth and wash face, go potty and put on pj's. We lay down and read 2 stories. I then ask her to turn out the light "so her brother knows it's time to go to sleep." I sing, "It's time to turn the light off, the light off, the light off, it's time to turn the light off and go night-night. Daddy's sleeping, and Mommy's sleeping, (insert name here) is sleeping...it's time to turn the light off and go night-night." She drops off pretty quickly most nights. It took a good month to get her used to the routine.

My cousin also went through something similar - her son went to bed fine on his own until they traveled and the baby was scared so they started staying with him to go to sleep. When the trip was over, the new habit stayed.

They would do a regular bedtime routine and put him in bed. They would then say, "I have to go potty. I'll be right back." They would stay out of the room for a few minutes and come back. Then some laundry would have to be folded, etc. They would stay out of the room longer and longer each time. The important part was to actually do what they said they were going to do - when their son came to check, they were actually folding laundry...When he came out, they would say - I'll meet you back in your room in a minute. After a week or so, he would fall out by himself and stay asleep.

From one tired mom to another - good luck!
J.

We put a baby gate at our son's door. He didn't like it one bit (of course!) and we told him that if he stayed in his bed we would take the baby gate down. Well, the first night he yelled "I'm staying in bed!!" and we took it down, and then he promptly got out of bed..Well, we immediately put the gate back up, and he figured out we meant business. So, after him fussing a bit and testing us, he figured out that if he stayed in bed, the baby gate would not be put up. So, by the 3rd night, all we had to do was place the baby gate beside the door against the wall, he got the message loud and clear, and he stayed in bed. He was a super sleeper from then on. Good Luck!

This ship may have sailed already, but what we did was put up a baby gate at our son's door when he got a big boy bed. It was just part of the transition, so he didn't question it. I did it mostly because in our house, he would have had to walk past the top of the stairs in the dark to get to our room, and that freaked me out.

It's worked really well for 8-9 months now. He's just started asking for me to leave it down, so I explained to him that he had to stay in his room all by himself or it would go back up, and he's only come out 2 times in the past 2 weeks.

BTW, he just turned 3, so their ages are about the same.
Good luck!

A couple ideas... for not going to sleep, let him choose where he'll sleep. One of my kiddos would go to sleep great all tucked in the middle of our bed, then we'd move him after he fell asleep into his own bed. Another child wanted to be with us, so we had a "traveling" kid sleeping bag and pillow. She could sleep in the tv room, or near the laundry room or kitchen on the floor while I did what needed doing. I didn't want to stay on her bed while she went to sleep, so I gave her a mobile bed. As for night waking, we've always had an "open door" policy. We set up camp on the floor by our bed, complete with a pillow, and any child who awakens at night is welcome to quietly come crawl into their little bed without waking us up. TO pull this off, it requires practicing during the day, so the child can learn what quiet means and how to tuck themselves in. The first couple nights you may need to help him figure it out, but this worked like a charm for us!

I know I'm probably in the minority on this, but is there a reason he can't stay in bed with you when he wakes in the middle of the night? Our kids each slept with us until they were about 7 months old. At that time, they were capable of sleeping in their crib through the night. When we switched them to their big beds, there were nights (and still are) when at least one of them joined us mid-way through the night (6yo and 5yo). Sometimes I think they just need a little extra TLC and I'm happy that they are comfortable trusting us to be there for that. It certainly doesn't happen every night, but sometimes it will be a few days in a row ... and then they're back to staying the whole night in their own bed. This also helps us get the sleep we need because we aren't up dealing with these issues in the middle of the night (unless our 19mo wakes in the middle of the night and she's ready to play instead of going back to sleep). Just my two cents!

I highly recommend the book, "How to Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems" by Richard Ferber. It has great techniques to help you work through exactly these kinds of issues.

We had trouble with our 3 yr daughter with this as well. Wow...what a struggle it was! We tried everthing from punishment to reward (but, to be honest, I simkply couldn't let her cry herself into a frenzy and be okay with that). I think that this particular isuue, like potty training, is very different for each child. What worked for us was slurpees! We let her stay in bed with us a few nights until we were "sleep fueled" enough to really tackle it, but bribed our poor darling with slurpees for morning snack if she stayed in bed. As she got better at it, she got a larger slurpee for 2 nights, then for 3 etc. I think what finally worked was that she grew out of it. Actually, we're not sure that the slurpees did too much, lol! GL

There's a gentle way to fix this. "Good Night, Sleep Tight" by Kim West & Joanne Kenen (www.sleeplady.com) can help. :)

I had developed some bad sleep habits for my DS1 and his LONGEST stretch of sleep was often just 45 minutes. When he was 15 months old I used this book to train him how to get himself to sleep & back to sleep... he was suddenly sleeping 11 hours straight!! And there was hardly any crying. A little, as he adjusted, but I was right there to hug & comfort him, hold his hand, whatever.

Since your son's not an infant, you can explain some of the process to him, too. Like when my son would cry about being in the crib by himself I told him I'd sing as long as he didn't cry. And it worked. It wasn't an overnight thing, but it certainly wasn't traumatic or anything.

With the loving start you've given your son on sleep, he should be able to transition to sleeping on his own pretty comfortably, I'll bet. Best of luck!

Pick a weekend or time when both you and your hubby are home. Then instill some tough love! Talk to him about it. Tell him it is time he stays in his room. Tell him he is big enough to sleep on his own, yadda yadda yadda.
If getting out of bed after you put him in is an issue: make like 2 "markers". Give him two pictures or things and if he gets out of bed, take one away, next time, take the other. If he still has both in the morning, he gets a small reward. My daughter will get out at times, and for her we 'punish her' by taking away her stuffed animals. For her this is the worst punishment possible.
Does he nap? Is he napping too close to bedtime so is not tired? Try reworking his nap schedule.
For the middle of the night get up, I can only suggest tough love. Do it when nothing else is going on so you can nap the next day and not worry about it disrupting anything. Just be sure you talk to him about what you expect. Tell him if he wakes up, you will put him back to bed and then return to your room. Get him a "lovey" if necesssary. Just be sure to communicate to him!
Good luck!

My daughter was a climber so we had to transition her to a big girl bed early. She also would come into our room several times a night. I ended up getting a tall baby gate and put it on her door. At first I felt bad about it, but I read on the internet that it is like you are making their room one big, safe crib. We then did our usual bedtime routine and let her cry it out; as I too had to stay in her room to get her to go to sleep. It was a difficult two weeks, but she soon came to be such a great sleeper and even got mad if we left the gate open (she slept with the door open and a gate on, but you could close the door even with the gate on). She is now 4 and goes to bed so easily; it was so worth the effort to get her to be an independent sleeper!

We had the same problem with our boy who is turning 10 next week. My husband or I had to sleep in his room. We finally did a bribe and told him that if he would sleep in his room during the week on the weekends he could camp out on the couch and watch tv all night if he so choose. He has never needed much sleep. (quit taking a nap at about 1 yr old) He is now very independent and still camps out on the couch on weekends. Have you tried music? Lavender oil also works to help them sleep. Good luck.