Gift Giving

You told them you can't buy a gift for them but if they want to buy some for you knowing that I see nothing wrong with it.

How about baking cookies? I found some tins at the dollar store...it seems like an inexpensive gift...

If anyone gives you or your daughter presents I would graciously accept them. No need to make a big fuss or reiterate your financial circumstances. You were upfront about your situation. Gift giving should be about giving from your heart and making others happy, regardless of whether or not you will receive a gift in return. Those who give you gifts are likely doing so because they care for you and want to help your family have a nice Christmas. There will come a time in your life where the tables are turned and you will reach out to help someone who has a need. Have a wonderful holiday!

Maybe you could get your daughter to paint a thank you picture or card for them. That way they know you made the effort to say thank you.
Also living on one income is a hard experience but a truly rewarding one also. We have four children and we live on one income. My husband makes enough to take care of our needs. we have clothes, food, shelter, car etc. You really learn what is important and so do your children.
We've learned that by doing with out things like cable TV, video game systems etc we actually are forced to use our time more wisely and we are better parents because we actually have to have a conversation with each other and look at each other at the same time! LOL!

Hi R.

Everyone who is insisting on giving your daughter a gift is doing it because they care about you and care about her and they want to do something nice for you guys. They realize the situation and would probably be MAD if you even thought about doing anything for them. It feels good to give around the holidays and especially to someone who is so deserving ...someone whom everyone respects for making a tough decision for the betterment of themselves and their family. So relax and let your loved ones take care of you a little bit! If you must...I love the ornament idea. Cheap, easy and very sentimental. You could even incorporate her picture in it.

R.,
You really don't need to do anything - you told them you were unable to reciprocate, and they know this. They may just want to buy for your daughter (and you) because they care for you and it makes them happy to give (this is the season for giving!)I have a brother who can never afford to exchange presents - but I still buy him and his son something (I expect nothing in return). I love them, and cannot skip them and buy for my other neices and nephews without including them also - I would feel then that I'm only buying for the return gift. Have a great holiday.

We try to tell people every year not to get us things and they always do and it always makes us feel horrible & guilty. This year I was a bit stronger with my request and they seemed to get it this time. I know some people will still get my kids something, and the only reason I haven't complained is because I can't do much for them myself this year and I don't want them to miss out. I know that is totally selfish and I do feel bad. But in return I am going to have my kids help make something for them. Michaels Arts & Crafts has some inexpensive ornaments and things to paint or something along those lines. I know it's not much, but my kids need to know that giving, no matter how small, is better than receiving.

I think everyone has been in a similar, transitional spot at one point or another. Two years ago we bought a new house, and moved in 5 days before Christmas. Needless to say, we didn't "do" Christmas that year.Our family still got our kids presents, knowing we couldn't reciprocate.This year my sis is getting ready to graduate college and her finances are tied up, we still got her a gift just because we wanted to. Point being, Don't feel obligated to give a present just because you get. Your friends and family understand your situation, I'm sure, but they still care about your kids.Just be grateful, know that you won't be in this spot forever. One last thing- When our family was tight on cash for Christmas, I would bake cookies and put them in tins for gifts. Everyone loves goodies!
I wish you all the best in your descision!
S.

Hi R.! Congrats on taking the plunge back into school! I can understand how scary it all is but don't let worries over Christmas gifts take away from the pleasure of the season. Why not bake or do simple crafts with your child to have as gifts for those that want to gift to your daughter? You can find simple foam oriments kits that your daughter and you can make for gifts at any Walmart and craft store like Michels for about $10. You can paint wooden orniments, or using fabric paint and chunky stamps decorate inexpensive aprons, or t-shirts for people as well. When money is tight a home-made gift from a child & family is a great, special gift. We bought plastic beads and sparkly pipe cleaners and made snow flake orniments, gave out pictures in inexpensive frames decorated for the season by our girls, we painted t-shirts & aprons, did foam projects, and made special book marks for just about every member of our family when money was tight over Christmas.

Another thing we did with our girls as they got old enough to understand the Santa thing was tell them to pick one special present a year to ask for from Santa. Since they had so much...family, home, food and clothes etc it was only fair that Santa give more to the kids that didn't have homes, parents etc. We have stuck to this since the start and have always managed to afford that special Santa gift and it helped keep our own spending under control for Christmas...it also encouraged our girls to give instead of recieve for Christmas... Embrace your new opportunities and have fun!! Best wishes and Happy Holidays!

Hello R.,

I have learned over the years that some people just want to express their love through gift giving. So, if you have explained your financial situation and they still want to give you a gift, let them.

If you want to reciprocate out of a feeling of obligation because that person gave you a gift, then my advice is don't. Who really wants a gift out of obligation? That is really not a gift at all. In that situation, the most loving and gracious thing to do is just to accept the gift humbly and thankfully, and express to them how loved you feel by their effort in giving you, or your daughter, a gift.

If you want to reciprocate because you truly love this person and want to give them a gift, then come up with something creative. Certainly there are talents you have that would be a wonderful gift for another person. If you are good at organizing, why don't you give them a gift of an organized closet or room in the coming year? If you are good at cake baking, why don't you offer to bake them a birthday cake for their birthday in the coming year? If you just enjoy that person's company, why don't you take them to coffee one morning a month for the coming year? If you like shopping, why don't you make shopping dates with the person in the coming year? And of course, if you have a skill at doing almost anything, like fixing or painting, or cleaning or bookkeeping or planning birthday parties,or graphic designing, or art, or shopping etc. any of that makes a wonderful gift!

You see, I think people really want our time and a connection with us. And the gift can simply be a card or coupon we make on our computer that is redeemable at a later date!

Here are some gifts I have given or had given to me in the past:
paint one room
one oil change
organize one room
clean and detail car
HVAC check-up
dessert of the month (bake one dessert a month for a year)
bake birthday cakes for all people in family for one year
babysitting coupons
gourmet meal for two
handyman (small home repairs)
personal shopping
go out to lunch once a month for a year

I'm sure you get the idea. The gift can simply be time with you or something that you can do well that can be a service to the ones you love.

I hope that gets your creative juices flowing,
L.

R.,

You were already up front and honest. People buy gifts because they like to do it and in your circumstance because they want to. Just smile accept the gift. Its an expression of their love for your daughter. Don't forget, its not about they gifts as an adult but its different for children. Those who you cannot buy for surely understand your situation and and quite possibly feel that they are helping by buying your precious little one a present.

Good luck in school and merry christmas!

I would accept it with grace and gratitude. Its hard when you are not able to give a gift in retun, but a gift is just that. They know from your request that you are not in a position to give back, but smile and a thank you are very personal and real things. A true gift (and friends) give from the heart and don't want anything in return. One of my favorite things to give and see the face of the person when they open a gift. I never expect anything back.

This is so awkward, I know, but from my standpoint, the definition of a "gift" is that it is given freely, without expectation of reciprocation. I love to give my nieces gifts for their birthday and Christmas, that is important to me, particularly because most of them live far away. From awkward conversations that I have had with their parents, I know that they would prefer that I do not, because for whatever reason, they would not like to reciprocate with my boys. I try to emphasize that it gives me pleasure, and that neither myself nor my husband keep score cards on who is giving what to whom. I have also announced this year that we understand that people are struggling, I will be giving gifts, but please please please don't feel obligated to return the act. I shop all year long, and often, a gift that looks like I spent a lot of money on, I did not. Truthfully, I bought sleepers this year for a buck and I'm giving those out. I shop smart, and that is how I can afford it.

An expectation of reciprocation is not how gifts are supposed to work. Be gracious in receiving, let go of the guilt, and give when you can. : )

It sounds like you already did deal with it. You told people ahead of time to please not buy gifts, b/c you are unable to reciprocate. However, the people who went ahead and bought gifts for your daughter anyway, did it because they care and they aren't looking for anything in return. That's a true friend!

Do not feel bad if people choose to buy your daughter presents, look at it as you are blessed. Have on hand homemade gifts from your daughter, even if they are just hand drawn pictures, you can always find little projects for a dollar or so at the craft stores. Bake cookies and let your daughter put the sprinkles on. People appreciate anything made with little hands. Make reindeer, trace her foot for the face and her hands for the antlers, have her draw the eyes etc., make wreaths out of paper plates and green construction paper. Have fun and enjoy the season. Any questions just email me.

You have already made it perfectly clear on your situation and the fact that you are not able to give anyone else gift's for Christmas. My husband and I are in the same situation, I go to school and he works and my family understands that we can only do what we can. More often than not, we cannot buy gifts for the little one's in the family but as you did, we made that fact perfectly clear. If they want to buy them gifts, do not feel bad. The whole point of gift giving in my opinion is to give and see the job that your present brings to whomever receives it. If someone gives you a gift expecting something in return, then it really doesn't count anyway. Just roll with it. Also, my middle brother and his fiance buy for me, my husband and my kids for many holidays but they expect nothing in return. All they ever ask is for time with us. That is exactly what we give them and we give them special time (as my daughter calls it) to be with the kids because that is what they enjoy. Cookies are always a cheap way to give gifts as well and it is easy to dress them up for very little money. Hope this helps, happy holidays!

Hi R.,

This is a tough spot to be in, and I understand, cuz I went back to school FT as a single mom, and that budget was VERY tight.

what I'm hearing in your words is tat you told people your budget was tight and you wouldn't be able to reciprocate, and they gave gifts to your daughter anyway. What I am assuming here is that they know you are now in school, and your budget is tight, and they want your daughter to have a Merry Christmas, and to receive gifts. It's hard to become a "recipient" of love, rather than a "giver", but sometimes it's a lesson we also need to learn.

When I was in school, I remember telling my sister that I didn't think I'd have the money to "come home" for Christmas, and her response was, "You're coming home", which meant, "I'll pay for the trip." And due to my pride it REALLY meant, I ended up paying for the trip, because I wasn't about to ask for the money to make the trip home. However, it also meant we lived at her house for 2 weeks, ate her food, and enjoyed the cousins, so I probably saved as much as I spent. All these people who gTave probably heard your words, and thought about them, and knew you would not be in a financial position to give back, and they chose to give, not to make you uncomfortable, but to bring joy to your daughter. there is love in that, even if you hold the line and say, "I don't plan to give back because I can't afford to." There will come a day, when you will graduate, and you will have a better job than you had before, and you will be spreading the love, giving them gifts, and maybe even giving gifts to people you don't know, through Toys for Tots, or the groups that advocate for the homeless, or teens who've been pulled from their families.

That time will come. Right now, you are trying to hunker down and live on a shoestring, and spend only what you have. Don't go into debt shopping. If you can think of gifts that are free, give them. You can give adults gift certificates for babysitting, or play dates, or something like that, which saves them money and costs you nothing in cash. But stick to your budget. If you live responsibly, you are giving your daughter a great example to follow, and if you do this, the time WILL come when you are able to give again, in many many ways more than you can now, and you will always remember the time when life was tight and you weren't able to do this, and more importantly, you'll remember how it felt, and you'll have compassion on those in similar circumstances. And compassion and love are the very best gifts of all.

Hi R.-

From what I can tell, it sounds like the gift offenders have just bought gifts for your daughter? Is that correct? If the gifts are for your daughter, you only need to give in return a gift FROM your daughter. Perfect gifts from 3 year olds: buy some frames from the dollar store and put cute pictures of her in them or, even better, have her create some special artwork to put in the picture frames. You could also do some sort of holiday craft, like xmas tree ordainments, and give the craft as gifts. Make sure you indicate on the gift tags that the gifts are from your daughter.

Don’t stress, make it fun. From the sounds of it, you don’t need any extra stress.

R.,

I understand the request for no gifts for you and your husband, but why not for your daughter? My personal feelings on it is that as adults we make choices that sometimes our children suffer for (every child of a US president comes to mind). When possible, I think we have to put aside our own beliefs or ideals to offset some of that suffering. If these are people who usually buy your daughter a gift, then why should she not get a gift because of a choice her parents made? (Even if it will benefit her in the long run)

Perhaps the people who are still buying for her are doing so because they know things are tight and want to help make you daughter's holiday special. I think it's a lovely and loving gesture.

You have been completely open and above board in telling people about your financial situation. Those who choose to still bestow a gift on you do so because giving gives them great joy. Thank those who insist on doing so graciously, and someday, when you have completed your education and are in a better financial situation, you will be in a place where you can reciprocate.

I know it's hard, but please try to take a breath and accept the generosity of others. In these trying economic times, I find it wonderful to hear that people are still so giving.

Happy Holidays!

C.

R....this is a tough spot! Every year we say we are not going to exchange with certain relatives, etc., but then they break the rules so we always try to be prepared. We make many of our "obligatory" gifts every year. We have made gourmet hot chocolate & coffee mixes, dip mixes, etc...layered cookie mixes, etc. are also easy and cost effective. Homemade Beer Bread mix is another great one - it sells for a fortune and is way easy to make - pair it with a bottle of fancy beer and you're good to go. There are tons of recipes online there are also a lot of books out there with directions and printable gift tags. Another fun and very unique one is herbed oils and vinegars - again very cost effective and different. Feel free to drop me a note if you would like some book titles or even recipes - I have several of the "how to" books. The year we made the coffee and cocoa mixes we bought mugs at the dollar store and then put the mixes inside - people LOVED them! :) Just a few thoughts...hope it helps.

Hi R..... Maybe you can bake some goodies to give to your friends along with a picture or homemade card or ornament form your daughter. Anything homemade is always appreciated.

Hi R.. Everyone knows your situation and you told them it was not necessary to get you or your family anything. If they choose to do so anyway, they're doing it not expecting anything in return. If you really feel that you want to do something as a special thank you, have your daughter make special thank you cards to all those who give to your family....or have her help you make some cookies or chocolate covered pretzels to give as a small way to say thank you. A little thing like that to them personally would go farther than any other gift could. It shows that you do really appreciate them thinking of you without having to spend a lot of money. Like you said, it's the season for giving and some people feel really good when they can give to someone else. I guess I would say just be thankful that there are people who really care about you and your family....and don't care about the gift part of Christmas.

R.,
I can understand how you might feel awkward. But it seems like you have explained the situation and they insist. That is their decision. Personally, I don't give gifts only to those who I expect to reciprocate! I most enjoy buying for members of my family who may be struggling and could really use something. From year to year, certain family members have been on lean times. The reason I buy is because I want to.
If I were you, I wouldn't feel obligated.
If you insist, and are trying to find very inexpensive gifts/tokens...a few ideas:
•Bake some quickbreads (about $1.50 per mix), wrap with cellophane & tie w/ribbon and give O. per family
•If you are crafty (and have the time!) Make dough ornaments for everybody
•Take some photos of your daughter & place in inexpensive photo frames from the Dollar store. Could be holiday frames.
•Pass out invitations for a traditional New Year's Day Dinner at your house and serve pork roast, kraut, mashed potatoes, etc. It's a pretty inexpensive meal you can do for your whole family.
Don't stress. Remember the true reason for Christmas and keep it alive in your heart!
God Bless.

If you've already told people about your situation, then they shouldn't expect a return gift. Be gracious and say thank you. Have your daughter make or color the thank you notes and send them out, but don't feel obligated to buy anything.

Hi R.,

The most important thing is just a sincere thank you -- if you can call them that's great, and/or a hand written note. Try not to make the gift giver feel badly for "breaking the rules"... they may want to help you out, knowing you're in a tight financial spot now.

Someday, when you have your degree and get that perfect job, you'll be in a position to pay their kindness back or forward. Throughout my life I have been on both sides of that fence, and I can tell you that once you make it to a position where you can afford to be generous and spread that around, it is a blessing. People who have given you gifts are sharing their blessings with you and do not expect anything more than your thanks.

God bless you and good luck with your studies. It can sometimes feel like a long haul... but its worth it in the end.