Going to Court

K., I know just what you are talking about but it a bit of a different way. We are also a blended family (I have 2, he has 2 and we have one together). When we met he had and has always had full physical custody. The mother didn't ever take any visitation till we were getting married, since then it has been one court date after another over the past 6 years. We still have them full time but she does take some of her visitation now. Court can be a very scarey thing and also very unpredictable. If you have a good lawyer you shouldn't need to worry.... family court is an easy thing being that they usually fall to the best intrest of the child which also their age and what they would like may weigh heavily depending on the judge. We have had outcomes where we are completely happy and also those that have been a complete disapointment. I have learned through the years even though I get nervous every time we go that all I can do is say a prayer and hope that the outcome is what will be best. I am not sure to what information you are looking for and every family situation is so very different but your not alone and I pray that all goes well for your family.

HI, K.-

I've been there and it is scary -- but you can get through it just fine. We were trying for a change in the custody agreement, but judge would not change it. My understanding is that unless there is a really compelling reason to change the custody, the court opts to leave it as it is. My advice for the actual court date is to remember to breathe! Also, be totally frank and honest, try not to make it personal or to think of it as a win/lose event. Also, remember that you have two wonderful kids full time, and that is a wonderful blessing. I know it will be hard, but also try to look at the situation from the mom's point of view (hard to do when you're in the middle of it; easier to do a decade later!). Best of luck. You CAN do this.

Hi K.
As a stepmom of 18 years, I really understand the delema that you find yourself in. My husband and I have had to deal with courts and custody in the past. Not all situations are bad. What we tried (all three parents) to remember was to NEVER put a child in the middle or ask them to divide their loyalties. Children have this tendency to think that family issues are their fault (which is never the case!).
Whenever possible, we have tried to make custody changes without having to go to court because there is so much less stress on the entire family. We moved to another country 11 years ago when our three kids where in their early teens. Because of our ability to discuss issues without having to go through the court system, our move was made simplier. This requires a lot more dialogue and negotiation as well as knowing what is the most important for the children.
Know that no matter what happens, that child should know that you will love him/her where ever he/she lives. Good luck.

C. C.

I actually have my first custody hearing this Thusday. I do know that we both have to be on the stand and cross examined. This is an emergency hearing so it is only an hour. OUr final one is going to be a full day.

Is there a reason why you want to take the child out of the current situation? Is there a problem or do you just want the child more? I don't know the full story but if there isn't a problem with his mother I would think it would be better to leave the child in his current situation b/c it is what he is used to. From what I have read and people I have talked to a judge is unlikely to take a child away from his mother (or primary custodian) unless there is a major problem. Just my two cents.