Going to Court for Custody

Well I can tell you lots of court stories! Good, bad, and the ugly! But I won't...I'm gonna tell you like this it is great if you two live in the same town and can learn now to co-parent without fighting tooth and nail and such...been there and done that and it is emotionally draining and no one wins the courts decide for you!
When you go to court tomorrow go in and say you want to mediate first rather than have the judge decide judges like this cause they can't stand the pressure either!
When you mediate express your feelings about her being away from you multiple nights and make an angreement where you work your way up to multiple nights (he may find he is not ready for it either)that way your little one eases into it over time, this is more of a emotional issue for you than it is for her and believe me i understand! in the end you will learn to love your nights alone in time and will learn to fill your time with things you cant do when you have your precious! Don't be a push over if you decide to mediate whatever you are not comfortable with then don't agree with it, take a trustworthy voice of rational in case they are able to set a immediate mediation that day at that time. This voice of rational will let you know when you are being unreasonable and level your head as to what your battles should be and won't let you make a rash decision, and will think of things you won't because the pressure is so great. in the begining of mediation make sure it is separate rooms states your demands. Only meet in person face to face if your think it will benefit you in any way and walk away if it gets heated. if you don't like or trust the mediator right away make sure you don't agree to anything if you feel pressure, they get points and money based on if they can mediate it out and come to a solution for you but will also tell you to take your time cause they getting paid probably by the hour or something. oh yeah be prepared to pay for mediation but it can be worth it if you somewhat get along with the father.
Court can be very ugly and long and drawn out just because you are going to court tomorrow does not mean a decision will be permanant especially if you don't agree and appeal what the judge orders which costs everyone more money and time.
My son is 13 we have been to court twice the last time was the worst and we are no longer on speaking terms and live in different states and abide by a somewhat mediated/court ordered paper that is expensive and long. As far as being able to handle not having her a few nights it gets easier overtime and you will have to learn to share holidays also which will also be hard at first. But there are ways to cope. We would do Christmas early, have parties on Christmas Eve if the other had him Christmas day or vise Versa you have to be creative! the best thing is that when your daughter gets older she will know that both of you love her and she won't wonder where her daddy is, that is the best thing that my son has gotten from his experience i don't have to explain where his father is. With your daughters father in her life she may grow in to a very secure young woman! Girls need their fathers and we have to respect a fathers ability to parent. the very best of luck to you!

There is no telling what the courts will do but there are a lot of us who make it just fine sharing custody with their dads. Instead of thinking of it as your loss think of it as your child getting to know their dad better. :)

I suggest that you need to talk with an attorney. Custody arrangements can be difficult to manage. For example, 50/50 custody would eliminate child support. Is that what he's truly after? If so I suggest that actual physical custody could be different. I don't know for sure but an attorney would know.

If you disagree with her father's request you can ask for mediation during which you might be able to work out an arrangement that would be acceptable for both of you.

Talk with an attorney.

Because she knows her father, I suggest that it would be reasonable for her to be with him overnight. Perhaps not several nights in a row. I suggest you talk with a child development specialist and/or research the issue online to see what the experts say and be willing to compromise.

To make your case see if you can figure out what her father is actually wanting and why and respond to those issues, keeping always in mind what is best for your daughter.

I am so sorry you are facing this. I can't fathom being away from my kids like that. I guess I woudl just be grateful her Dad is loving and involved and wants her. Not all kids have that. The best situation is to be friendly with her Dad so that you can have a respectful relationship and enjoy family time occasionally as you will need to do. If you have doubts about her safety or his caregiving, then maybe ask the court to send you to some sort of parenting course together or do some mediation about her care and schedule. Maybe therapy for you to help you deal with the sense of loss you are likely to feel. This is tough, but she is entitled to both her parents.

Best tip I can provide is to always be reasonable and put your child's best interest above all (especially over either parent's convenience or feelings). Another tip would be to remember that she won't be 2 forever so either address future concerns now or know you will have to go back to court later (school districts, extra curriculars...both academic and sports/activities, religious concerns). Can each of you attend these events when it's the other parent's time? Who is responsible for costs etc. Typically when custody is 50/50, neither parent pays/receives child support. You will want to consider how bouncing back and forth between homes will affect your child and try to make it as easy/smooth as possible for her.

Don't agree to it. Try for as much custody as you can get.

Well, first of all, her father wants to be involved in her life, and that's usually a really good thing. It's hard at first, but you will adjust.

I was divorced when our daughter was 4 1/2. We went to a mediator so that we had complete say over our parenting plan (what a court calls custody and visitation). We put a schedule in place so that the longest either of us were away from her was 3 nights. My schedule with her looks like this:

Week 1: Sunday evening, Monday, Tuesday, Friday, Saturday to Sun afternoon
Week 2: Tuesday, Wednesday
Repeat

We exchange on Sunday afternoons. We also make adjustments depending on our work schedules and any special events.

The first year was hard, for her parents. She adjusted immediately. She is now 9 and we are still following this schedule. Over time we got to a place where we can talk frequently about her needs and practical things like who needs to have her karate uniform and who can pick her up from a birthday party. We also are now able to have family outings fairly frequently.

It is not a given that 50/50 custody means no child support changes hands. Each state has their own way of calculating that. Here in MN it is based on incomes, time, expenses covered, etc. It's a fairly complicated process. My ex and I decided not to let the court decide this, either. We have a joint checking account that we each contribute to monthly according to our incomes, then we pay our daughter's expenses out of this. This has never been an issue between us.

I highly recommend a mediator, if the two of you can talk with each other at all. It gives you more control over the process. The court system is not logical or rational.

My ex and I went through years of family court hell with his first ex wife and his two kids (that I helped raise since they were babies). We decided that we would never do that to each other and so have been able to work outside the court system. If you are working within the system, remember that they only work on facts, not emotion. Unless you have proof that her father is an unfit parent (and the fact that he has been having frequent visits since she was 6 months old, and you allowed those visits, makes that argument null and void) a court will want her father involved in her life, and that means shared custody and overnight time with him.

My ex took my 2 yr old everyother weekend starting when she was about 2 yrs and 8 months. Friday to Sunday. Sometimes she would scream her head off wanting to come home when it was bed time. Still does sometimes and she turned 3 in Oct.
My ex doesnt have 50/50 but he has everyother weekend with sleepover on Friday and Saturday. And sees the kids twice a week for dinner. And sometimes he sees them them more if he wants to.
I admit i cried a lot the first couple of months when i didnt have my girls on the weekend, but it gets easier and you learn to appreciate the alone time.
She will be okay and so will you. Time will make it easier.
good luck