Grieving and Still Being a Mom

Please make an appointment with a mental health professional. It will help you to be on antidepressants for a while. Not for a long time, just enough to get you functioning and working through this grief. I would think maybe 6 months to a year, if dealing with chronic depression is not a normal state of mind for you. If it is just situational you wouldn't need to be on medication for life.

Having someone to talk to who is not judgmental and who listens to you will do wonders for you and really help you come to terms with the losses you have experienced.

There are places that bill based on income so you should be able to find someplace to go for minimal charge if not free.

... Does your Husband know... you have been depressed/Grieving.... All this time... with each subsequent passing of those close to you?
And that you have NO ONE.... to help you?

This is really important.... for mental health.
You have FIVE kids.... plus dealing with all of this, alone.
And he is not home.

I think, if you can talk with your Husband about it.... can't he understand and think of your well-being.... and THUS, get a babysitter for you.... or give you some NEEDED time off and for grieving etc.?
My Mom, attended a great "grief support group" when my Dad died. 10 years ago. She will goes sometimes, when she feels..... sad.
It GREATLY helped her.

It is very.... necessary... to take care of your mental health.
With all that you have to deal with, putting yourself on the backburner because you have 5 kids, are alone and isolated... with no relatives/support there for you..... you could really have an emotional AND Mental breakdown.....
Your Husband... NEEDS to think of that.
No one is monitoring... YOU.
...ie: When my Dad died... and my Mom was grieving... I paid CLOSE attention to her/her behavior/her emotions/her logic/her actions... JUST to make sure she was not having a mental breakdown... or nervous breakdown... or emotional breakdown. Because... she was very... much grieving and so lost.... without my Dad.
So.... other people, when someone is grieving... HAS TO.... keep close kind watch... of the person to make sure they are okay... and not depressed/suffering etc.
For me, I even had to make sure that my Mom ATE.... healthily. Simple things like that, even.

My other friend, had Vertigo.... for about 1 year. Just due to STRESS... and a non-involved busy Husband.

You basically have had no allowances... to even deal with all these peoples passing, nor grieving about it.

Your Husband, I repeat.... NEEDS to think about that. You are his Wife and he needs to think of you and care for you... too.

My friend's Husband, since he is gone due to work all the time and hardly home... got her a 3 times weekly "Nanny" for the evenings... so that, she can have time to herself. She.... was literally breaking down and crying... so much... due to the stress and her 3 ACTIVE boys and a newborn... that she was literally going nuts.
Sure, they all say a Woman has to take time for herself, keep busy, find a hobby etc. But at times like this... these things don't cut it.
Not in your situation.

I think, you HAVE TO enlist your Husband in this... TELL him... and he HAS to help you. SINCE he is away so much..... he can't just IGNORE the home-front nor his Wife's mental health.
You have lot on your plate....

You said "you" do not have money for a Sitter.
But hey.... THIS is your Husband's "job" to pay for it..... not you.

The one thing missing here, in all of this is:
That your Husband... is not doing anything, to help you. You are stranded with 5 kids, daily, have suffered the loss of many close people.... he is away 4 days out of the week... and why.... is he not a part of this solution?
You are suffering.... he is NOT 'exempt" from all of this... just because he is away 4-days out of the week.
He has to come home, hit the ground running... and help.
He is STILL ... a part of the family, even if he is away so much... and therefore, he is STILL a Husband and a Dad.... and he cannot escape the responsibilities of that.
His Wife... is suffering.... stressed/grieving/depressed/not feeling well at all. He.... needs to be made aware of that.

all the best,
Susan

whenever i feel like nothing is going my way... down and depressed id cry my eyes out in a prayer. and feel really relieved. an hour or 2 by yourself in the park or even bath tub would do u good. put a movie on for the kids n do what you think will help you...

Check your local phone book for a respite center. They are places that you can take your children for free childcare in cases of emergency or extreme distress. They specialize in cases like yours. And I would say that you qualify. I am also a great believer in the power of prayer. If you have even a little religious faith, try visiting a church and feel the love that welcomes you. I am so sorry for your loss. I wish the best for you and your family.

Find a grief support group that meets on a day your husband is home.
I'm sorry you have had so much so quickly.
Support from a group of people facing similar challenges can help.
Good luck to you!

I am so sorry for your loss, is it possible that when your husband gets home you can get maybe a hour or two to yourself. Maybe you can just go to the park, or just go to McDonalds to get a cup of coffee. This just might make the difference. I lost my grandmother and had a very difficult time, I don't know if you pray or not but that definately helps.

Many Blessings

I had a breakdown when I lost my grandfather. Long story. My daughter was just a little baby and I swear, if it weren't for her, I'd have just gone to bed and died.
I had lost many people at that point, many when I was a child, but his death hit me very hard for many different reasons.
I have lost many people since then, including my own father, and it never gets easier.
It may sound weird, but my grandfather came to me in a dream.
He didn't want me to be sad.
He couldn't help leaving me and he didn't want me crying or not being able to go on with my own life because he had to go.

My grandfather loved me. He never, ever would have done anything to hurt me. I realized that he needed me to go on. He needed me to remember him fondly and not grieve every day for him.
I got to thinking how sad it would have made him feel for me to be so devastated. He was gone and no longer in pain. Would he want me to torture myself? Never in a million years.
Honey, get some help with the kids so you can be alone to sort your thoughts out and get help from your doctor or a counselor if you are having trouble putting things in perspective.
Pushing things down results in them erupting like a volcano sooner or later and there's no need to push things down.
If you find you can't see the beauty in the life that you have before you, no matter what you've lost, it's time for help and it's okay.

Don't try to go it alone.
Get a support system.

Best wishes to you.

Tell them you need to have alone time.If neither can help you with the kids for a few days then call a good friend and explain you feelings to her!
I think you need to see a psychologist!If you have insurance find a good one and schedule an appointment!Treating your kids bad for something they can't do anything about and that wasn't their fault to begin with is not fair to them!If nobody out of your friends and family is taking this serious you should!Go and get the help you need!Go online and find a good psychologist!Good luck.

There are lots of Grief support groups at your local churches and they almost always provide FREE childcare for every age. If not free, then very nominal charge, way less than a childcare provider. You don't have to be part of their religion to attend. I have met many 'non-believers' and others at co-dependent support groups hosted by churches. Many of the co-dependent members started because they first attended the grief groups.

You have most definitely suffered a lot of loss and the holiday's always intensify the significance of the relationship and the loss.

You will learn the basic 5 stages of dealing with death and dying and how people can get stuck in any one of the phases. And you can go as long as you need to because grief is processed differently for everyone. There is no time limit.

I hope you find some help with these...you are all your 5 young ones have. You are the best mom there is for them. You deserve to find help and show them a healthier alternative to sulking and snapping at home.

I wish you peace.

First of all ~ I am so very very sorry for your loses. I just lost my little brother over Thanksgiving.

There were times that I just wanted to be alone. I did what one of the Mom's suggested below. I put a movie in for the kids, told them Mommy needed alone time while the movie was on and went to my bedroom, closed the door, layed on my bed and sobbed. They knew I was very sad because I lost my brother. Afterwards I explained to them that Mommy needs them to be on their best behavior and I needed to them to really help me out right now. That worked to a point, but it helped. But I say be open and honest with them and let them know that part of grieving is needing to cry by yourself. Run to the bathroom, lock the door and take a few deep breathes before you deal with the kids. Maybe you can make a deal with them, tonight you guys watch a movie and tomorrow we will play board games, read books or just sit together as a family and talk about each others day.

Please know that your not alone and my prayers are with you!

I'm sorry for your recent loss. I know you have expressed to mom and your hubby you aren't handeling things well. Here's the thing, most men don't know how to handle their own emotions let alone someone elses. You have to take him by the hand sit him down and spell out exactly how you feel and what you need. "Honey I am depressed, I am taking out my anger on the kids, I need you to stay home for x amount of dayus I need to do a,b & c for me to feel better, I need your help it won't just go away in time, help me" If he says he can't leave work or some other excuse tell him "ok, I am not asking I am TELLING you, for this family this is what is going to happen". I'm sorry you have been having such a hard time. Ask for what you need.

All I can tell you -and it's going to be even harder for you than it has been for me -but it's still been hard -is that you HAVE to get away by yourself sometime. You'll have a nervous breakdown if you don't! It's also okay to cry in front of the kids and let them know why. I lost my mother a little over a year ago, and it's been awful. Watching my kids who she loved so much and was so close to -and looked SO forward to seeing grow up can sometimes compound my grief horribly. When it was more recent, I lost it completely a few times. It happens -don't beat yourself up. You're only human! When your husband comes home on the weekends -leave for day. It doesn't matter if he likes it or not -he needs to bond with his 5 kids anyway if he's gone all week. Take Saturdays or Sundays for yourself. He'll live. Drop this little line on him -because it may or may not be true for you right now, but if you DON'T start getting some relief it will be -just tell him you need those days because you NEVER used to be able to understand how any woman could drive away and leave her family and kids, but you're starting to REALLY get it! I think it took me telling my husband some months ago that while I didn't think I could stay away from my kids forever, I was certainly thinking I could disappear for several months with ease. Sometimes they have to really see that you are on the edge of a nervous breakdown.

I can't give you long term healing ideas but as a mom of three who's dad just died at a young age a few month ago I can say that I feel your pain. I have been suffering with being snippy, jumpy, needing quiet time to think about what happened. I don't get this very much either because of my husbands work schedule along side of not living close to family. I have to say altough it was extremely hard to do but thanks to Mamapedia moms I got the courage to go to my doctor and say " I need help" she set me up with a grievence councelor and a therapist. I have never suffered from depression before but I know that I am now. I had my first session with a therapist to talk about my dad and although it was just ME talking it helped out a TON. I have to admit I am a bit anxious to go to my next apt next week I just started a week ago. Just being able to talk to someone about it and not get a "You'll be fine, you'll get over it...." and hear and this makes you feel, and you can feel because it's alright...is so much better.

I struggle more then I thought I would because my 5 yr old was very close to grandpa so she is also grieving which makes things more sad for me, she brings up Grandpa when I am not thinking about him which doesn't help at all. I find myself falling apart at the littlest, silly things faster then normal. It's like one more bad thing...really not now and my day is ruined.

So big hugs, loosing my dad is hard, harder then I ever could have imagine and loosing three close people in a short period is not easy either, I have never been through this many losses but I feel for you. I can only suggest maybe getting a gym membership so you can go and relax and put the kiddo's in care for an hour or so when needed. thats what I do since I don't have family around...also my therapist is o.k. with me bringing my kids in with me.