Guilty - Raeford,NC

I am surprised you are able to stay at home with your child. Most single moms have to work full time just to make ends meet. They just don't have any income to live on. It's really nice you have this opportunity to stay at home.

You do need some time away. He will eventually stop crying. This is something that is pretty normal for a child that is only cared for by one parent and there are no other care givers. You are it.

You'll have to get a different babysitter, one that can manage a crying baby. That way you can go have some time and he will get used to having a different person caring.

GO BACK TO WORK AND FIND YOUR OWN PLACE....Your mom can't handle your son's crying for you.

First forget about the guilt.....your a mother now and your child is your first priority. He's only 7 months old, so you probably shouldn't even be thinking about dating for the next year or more.

Sounds like you still living at home? If possible you should try to get your own place, even if it's just a studio. Go apply for some assistance, job training and child care.

You do deserve some "me time", since your mom can't handle your son, you need to find a care giver, who will not be calling you because he's crying. This will allow you a few hours away to be with friends, go to the movie. lunch, dinner, the library etc.

New mom's of all ages have separation anxiety from their kids. It just takes time to get over it. It's good for your child to learn that you will not always be there too.

Bottom line, what do you want to do with your life so that you and your child will be happy?

I'm a single mom and my daughter turned three this year. I lived with my mom for the first year and a half. I have always firmly believed it is important and healthy, even, for a mom to get out at least once a month, even twice or three times a month. You need to keep your own personal identity separate from your child. You can be a mom and be yourself at the same time. If your mom doesn't approve, you'll have to do as the other helpful mom advised and get a different babysitter. Also remember, she comes from a different generation of parenting. If its guilt that's ultimately stopping you, keep this in mind: it is very healthy for children to interact with people other than their mother and inner circle of family. It teaches them a greater sense of community, helps provide social skills, and can even teach them language faster (first born tends to develop at a slower pace than later children). I was a first born and I didn't talk til I was three; my mother spent most of her time just staring at me in awe and I spent very little time without her.

The reason your son has this separation anxiety is because he isn't around a lot of people. If you were working and had him in daycare, he wouldn't be like this. He might cry for 10 minutes when you dropped him off, but that would be it.

Because he's with you almost exclusively, he gets upset when you leave.

Babies his age don't understand the concept that if you leave, you will come back. It's a developmental thing. You know the game peek-a-boo? The reason people play this game with children is to help them learn that just because they can't see someone or something, doesn't mean it's gone for good.

From your description, that your mom calls you and asks you to come back, the posters who say she can't handle him are actually right, whether or not you want to see it that way. She likely had more patience when you were a baby and understood that she needed to get away and have some time to herself. Now, many years later and the shoe is on the other foot, she calls you and tells you to come home instead. You can choose to let go of yourself and hold yourself hostage to a baby who cries in your absence, or you can choose to go out some, give the baby the chance to learn to do without you some (which, btw, is healthy) and expect your mom to handle it better.

Either way, you need to just put aside the guilt. You aren't gone all the time. You aren't judging other people for whether or not they take time for themselves. You are thoughtful about your mom. You aren't doing anything wrong. So put the guilt away and decide how you are going to handle things.

Having a baby doesn't mean never coming up for air and taking some time off for yourself. It does mean that you put your baby first most of the time, and figure out exactly what you will do to give yourself a break in the most judicious way you can. For the most part, if you have to ask how to not feel guilty, it already means you are a good mom. Very different from the people who put themselves first as a matter of course.

Dawn

I had a daughter like that, made me feel Very trapped! What soothes your baby? My daughter liked to nurse, refused a pacifier or a bottle so no one else could soother her, but she eventually grew out of it! Is your son nursing? I promise your son will grow out of this stage too!

K.:

Stop feeling guilty. You are single. You can't live with your mom forever, can you?

Sound like you need to find a job.
It sounds like your mom doesn't WANT to handle his crying. Yes, he's 7 months old - however - if she's nervous or upset by his crying - then HE PICKS UP ON IT and gets EVEN MORE UPSET. Adults don't have to talk in order to express their nervousness, fear, etc. and babies? They pick up on that - QUICKLY. Your mom should be able to distract him while you are gone...and not just by holding him and saying "it's okay mama will be back soon" - play with him. put him in an exer-saucer and let him play. Get down on the floor with him so much more to distract him from being away from you.

If you want to continue to live with your mom (you don't say how old you are) then you are going to have to make some tough decisions. Yes. EVERY MOTHER deserves "ME" time. This means you will have to find a caregiver who can take care of your son while you are away. Sorry - but right now? That's NOT your mom.

If you can't afford to live on your own, go to the state and get help. Get educated and help to get housing, child care, etc. then get cracking on your education and get a job with that education. Get out on your own. YOU CAN DO IT.

its hard not to feel guilty when it comes to your kids, but you need to get out and date ( if thats what you want) or go shop or have dinner with friends, is your son not use to your mom to where she could watch him, or you could wait and go out once he is in bed for the night, i know it seems like the baby runs our life, i mean heck i havent took an outing yet and my son is 91/2 months, i couldnt even move him into his siblings room... to me that just proves how good of a mom you are and how you put your baby first..good luck

It sounds like you have a high needs baby. Nobody is doing anything wrong. He doesn't "need" more time away from you. He just needs more security than the typical baby right now.

You mention the need for time alone. Be sure to separate what you need vs. what people say you need. Some moms feel the need to get away from the baby to make other people feel better. Really consider how much time you need away from him.

Sometimes finding a way to get out with the baby is helpful. What would make it easier for you to spend time out with your baby? Then no one has to feel guilty.

If you want time by yourself, plan short trips for now. Also, do you have an Ergo or some other type of baby carrier your mother could wear while your gone? If your baby can stay in constant contact with your mother, he might be able to manage time away from you a bit longer.

Remember that your baby is only seven months old. He will grow more independent with time if you don't force it. It sounds like you have good instincts; make sure you listen to them before listening to anyone else.

As far as working, listen to yourself in that category as well. There's no right answer for that decision other than what you feel is best for you and your baby.