Guilty About Leaving the Little One

I went back to work with my first child when he was 11 weeks old. I couldn't stop crying for the first couple of weeks. Every time someone would ask me about the baby I would start all over again. It got a little easier, where I wasn't crying all the time, but it was never easy for me. That's why when my 2nd one was born I decided to stay home - best decision of my life. I had to give up some things and have to watch my spendings/budget, but in the end it's well worth it..

Deepa,

As one working mom to another, I can sympathise. I am sure you have selected the best day care you can and you need to put your trust in them. My son has been in daycare since he was 9 weeks old and he is 4 1/2 now. The guilt is the hardest to deal with. I know I am doing the best thing for my family and my son is very happy.

I would try to outsource as much as possible so you can spend your time at home with your child. When I first went back to work, I found myself spending more time cleaning than playing with my son. I hired a cleaning company to come in once a month. I have learned to just let some things go. If my house is not in the best shape, then tough. My son is more important than a clean house. The first week back at work was really hard emotionally but I did get adjusted. Since my son is an only child, I feel he has benefitted from the interaction of the other children at day care and he has learned many things that I may not have had the time to teach him if I was at home.

I have a 3 month old little girl (and a 3.5 year old boy) and just went back to work 3 weeks ago. It's been really rough for me this time because baby doesn't want a bottle and cries and cries most of the time I'm gone, and my 3 year old boy got so used to having me home that he's having a really hard time adjusting to having me gone again. The transition isn't easy. I've been driving home half way though the day to nurse, then driving back downtown (ask about in and out privilages if you park downtown... mine only charges me $5 extra). Some days I teach in the suburbs, so that's not an option. I'm a college art professor, so my job is really important to me. I really love it and want to be at work. The pressures of home are tough to deal with. I think just taking it one day at a time and really maximizing the time you do have with your baby (kids...) will help to ease the whole transition. With my first child, I went back to work only part time for 2 years. That was really great, but the money wasn't... I don't think there's an easy answer, but try to be as flexible as possible with work, if you can, those first few months. The demands of baby obviously should trump everything else. Easier said than done, I know...
I definitely love that I'm setting an awesome example, especially for my little girl. I went to school for 7 years and worked hard to get the job I have. I'm not about to give it up. When I was working part time, I had very little time for myself and was really stressed out. Now, it's super nice to have time to check my email or stop and buy something that I never have to time to get... Shopping is a luxury. Stay at home moms don't get to have that time to themselves at all unless that have lots of extra help. Plus they don't have the extra money coming in anyway... I sure didn't. I've been much happier since returning to work full time. The adjustment is rough, but I have 2 fantastic nannies that come to watch the kids and text me throughout the day. I can check in with them at any time. It's wonderful. Good luck! Enjoy that time away. It makes the time you have at home WAY more special!

I to am returning back to work in a week. My youngest daughter is 10 weeks and I also have a daughter who is 2years old. My oldest started daycare at 11 weeks. I remember thinking I was horrible for leaving her and I cried the first couple of days, but it did get better. She has learned so much in the last couple of years and I personally think I devote more time to her because I do not see her during the day. I thought I would have no problem sending the baby since I already no the drill, but it is really starting to sink in. I just keep reminding myself that it gets better after a few weeks and all she needs is someone to feed her, change her diapers, and talk to her....all of which they will do. Eventully they do have to leave to go to school and think of it as sending your child to school, so you may be doing it sooner then later. I personally feel that it will be easier in the long run because as babies they do not beg you to leave so it just starts to become routine and when they are older they just know they go to daycare/school during the day. Yes there are days when our 2 year old does not want us to leave, which is extremely hard, but they are few and far between.
Good Luck! Once you get to work just keep very busy and before you know it he will be back in your arms.

My first piece of advice is not to wear mascara the first few days back at work. For me, the first 2 weeks were the hardest....I felt like such a heel for leaving my son. However, since I really had no choice, I decided to make the best of it. My lunch hours became "me" time....which I definitely didn't have when I got home. I shopped, went for walks, got caught up with my friends, talked to adults, etc.

My son is now almost 5 1/2 and he is fine w/our routine. I also think it sets up a good example...my son knows very well why mommy works, and knows he too will have to work when he grows up. I've shown him that working isn't a bad thing....and it has been a great opportunity to teach him abour responsibilities, etc. My son has learned to stand up for himself (even in daycare, there are bullies, etc.) He's very social due to all the interaction with lots of other people, since he was 16 weeks old.

Lastly, your son will ALWAYS know you are mommy, and probably the most important person in his life. Don't doubt that for a minute. As he grows, you'll see the excitement in his eyes each day when you pick him up from daycare.

Good Luck. You can do it!!!

D.

I am also working fulltime. It is hard but you do what has to be done. I don't have a cleaning service but it doens't matter. When I first went back to work-she is now 6 months--it was hard. She noticed I was gone and just wanted me all to herself at first. I try to spend at least an hour with her when I first get home before cooking dinner or anything else. I used to try to get it al ldone. Honestly, it isn't worth it. If you prefer your house to be super clean, then you may want to hire someone but weekend mornings are good for it. Also, if you can, call home or the daycare and see how things are going. As your son gets older, you can leave little gifts or notes. Pictures help a lot too.

Hi Deepa,

I am a mother and also a childcare provider. I say do a trial with your provider. While you are still off of work, take baby to her for about an hour first day, and maybe 2 hours the next, and 3 hours the day after that. I am sure baby will get used to the routine in no time. Any you have to trust that your provider will help make the transition easy for all of you.

Thankfully I am a SAHM! Best decision my hubby and I made. Yes we have some debt and we do not get to do/get everything our other family friends do, but hey thank god for garage sales!! My kids do not go without their basics and I think it teaches them to appreciate what they have. I do believe that one parent should stay home, however, I respect any one who has to work or wants/needs to work, but if it is at all possible look into staying at home, working part time from home and part time in the office, or just part time in general. look for ways to do your job from home, talk to your boss, maybe you could work out a schedule. My sister in law works longer days for a few and then gets a 3 1/2 days weekend. Good Luck

I went through this about a year ago with my son, and while it was tough, we both managed to survive nicely.

We did a transition week. The first day I dropped him off and he was to only be there for an hour. I felt like the worst mother in the world, "how could I leave my precious baby", etc. and cried the whole way to the grocery store. I raced through my grocery shopped and rushed back to go get him and it hit me...

I peered through the window of the infant room and saw him, bouncing in the exersaucer with his teacher in front of him. She was engaging him in play and he was laughing and having a great time! And I knew...I knew he'd be okay, I knew he was in the hands of caregivers who have had years of experience with hundreds of babies. I knew he'd be exposed to so many more new and exciting experiences, more than I could ever imagine. I grew excited knowing that he'd be learning from so many wonderful and nurturing adults, and that completely put my mind at ease. I could return to the job I love and he would be in safe, competent, and loving hands.

It will probably be tough for you for the first week, but as you ease into this new routine both you and your son will adjust eventually. If you have to call the center ten times a day just to check up on him, do it! Just remember that mothers, fathers, company presidents, doctors, account managers, bankers, teachers, salespeople, pretty much all types of people had to grow up with some form of childcare and for the most part, they've all turned out just fine!

It's never easy having to return to work and trust someone with your precious little one.

Take a look at www.thefreedomteam.net [password: freedom]

This is what I"ve been doing from home over the last 4 years. It is how I'm able to remain home with our kids. If you'd like to explore the details of this opportunity further, let me know.

M.
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Hi A.,
I am a working mother who twice had to go back to work (with two children). I know so well what you are going through. I have a website especially for "reluctant" working moms like us, I'd love for you to check out, created to help women who must return back to work, kicking and screaming. I'd love to get your feedback, point-of-view on the website and if it is something that you find helpful or if there is other info that you'd be interested in.
The link is www.moms-returning-to-work.com
Kind Regards,
A.

I felt the same way leaving my little ones, I dont think anything hurts you heart more than that! I have 5 of my own, and I just didnt want to leave them anymore, Please check out this website, www.livetotalwellness.com/lahart. Its been a blessing for me and my family! Take care, L.