Has Anyone Ever Felt This?

I have been there and done that I put up with the same thing for 31years and could not take it anymore so I left and actually went through with the divorce he tried everything to get me back and for 3 years I refused then I came back and her promised he had changed which he did so we got remarried after 4 years apart. Some days he starts to be ugly and I just tell him I wont put up it again and he seems to calm down. You dont have to go through with the divorce but a seperation might make him think about how he treats you. Good luck P.

Sounds like you guys are in need of marriage counseling. I know of a good one in Arlington. Try counseling for 6 months to a year before you decide anything.

You're not alone! Most everyone married has felt this way at some point or will at some point! You ARE 2 different people, (thank God for that!) otherwise it would be a very boring marriage. It's kinda funny how God brings together people who are so different, then expects us to stay married forever, but that's how it is meant to be.

I second/third counseling with a faith based counselor. We love have loved ours Katy Esquival at the Center for Christian Counseling. The thing is, and this was the TOUGHEST thing for me to get, it's about not expecting your husband to meet you "half way" it's about giving him 100% even when he doesn't deserve it. It's not about wanting more love, but GIVING more love. It's not about what HE needs to change, it's about asking "what do I need to change?" It's the toughest thing to do, but your marriage will be blessed beyond measure when you start to change your thinking. You don't have to feel like it, feelings come later, but start with your thinking. Just don't give up!

When we were struggling in our marriage, my grandfather said the most wise words anyone had ever said to me, "It's the first 20 years that are the hardest". The world makes us believe it is only the first year or few years. He was married 56 years to my Grandma before he died. They most certainly went through some VERY tough spots in their marriage.

I was here for nearly 10 years! We tried marriage seminars through a church, the pastor, three counselors and nothing worked. Last resort, we went to SOS (www.sosinc.org). It worked! We're happy with ourselves and each other. It was a miracle. You have to go separately, but you have to go as a last resort! I promise it will work. My husband wasn't excited about it but thanked me and said it saved his life, marriage and family! It's every month (this weekend) and for the three days it's only $79. Feel free to ask me any questions.

Yes, I have felt this way. I would encourage you to see the movie FireProof- it is out on DVD. Also, I would strongly encourage you to do the book Love Dare. My heart was not in it when I started, but there was a point where I realized it was a choice. It is amazing what happens when your actions change, as he will notice and then hopefully he will change too. However, don't go into this trying to change him cause it won't work. I was just where you are now about 3 months ago and I am amazed at the change now.

Sounds like you both need counseling about how to communicate better. Despite what Hollywood would want us to think, marriage is hard work. You have to have open communication, honesty and trust, among many other things. This is something you both have to work on together. Even the most perfect marriage has its problems. For the sake of your son, you should do everything you can to make it work so that you can be a good example to him as he gets older and to avoid putting him through a divorce, which is often hardest on the children.

My husband and I went to Weekend to Remember on Valentine's Day weekend. Excellent healing time for all sorts of couples. It strengthened us more than you can imagine and put to rest all the things I "thought" he was.

Go to www.familylife.com for informative tips. You made a vow before God. Please keep it.

I think most people at some point have felt the way you are feeling right now. We just celebrated 20 yrs of marriage and all 20 yrs were not a bed of roses.....of course there are ups and down.

One thing we did was to have a priority of date night once a week at least. We had date nights before our daughter was born 14 yrs ago and we continued after she was born. We have rarely missed a date night. I think it is one of the most important things we have kept up. Far worth the cost of a sitter to stay connected to your spouse. You don't have to do something fancy every week. We enjoy fine dining, maybe some dancing and fine wine. Other times, I might tag along while he plays golf, go workout together, etc.

Communication is a huge key. We have wide open lines here where no topic is off limits. Those lines of communication are wide open with our daughter as well. Also, my husband is on the road a lot and another form of communication we use is yahoo messenger and text messaging.

Marriage is a lot of hard work. I know my husband works extremely hard for our family and is proud to provide such a nice life and afford me to be a SAHM. I know this is also stressful on him because he has a hard job.

EVERY MORNING......when he leaves this house, I walk him to the garage and to his car and give him a little kiss (does not have to be romantic) before he heads out. EVERY AFTERNOON our dogs get SO excited when I say he is coming home. They watch for him and when he drives up, I let them greet him and it always puts a smile of his face from these 3 adorable dogs who love him unconditionally. I also greet him with a little kiss, welcome him home, get a glass of wine for him, daughter greets him every afternoon as well.

These are just some routines we have that I believe help keep the bond strong. EVEN if I might be upset and not wanting to do this for some reason or another....I DO IT. He is my husband and he has provided me with a beautiful life.

I hope something I said helps.

Oh yes. Marriage is such hard work and communication is hard work. Women are constantly checking their actions with girlfriends/family and they get feed back and grow and change. Men tend to be more isolated and develop and keep bad communication habits and forget they have a huge obligation to the marriage also, to care for you and be present. Try a church who offers a marriage class like Kevin Leman's. Pick up his book and be honest with your hubby about how you feel. If you think it got worse over 10 years, it won't get better without outside help but you owe yourself and your son all the effort you can put in to it. When you make it through to the other side of this rough patch into a longlasting, fulfilling relationship it is sure worth it. (married 21 years!) You are going to need him big time in the years to come! Hang in there!
B.

I promise your not alone, anyone who has been married for any length of time knows that marriage is work, sometimes it's easy and wonderful and other times thats when you have to take astep back and think it through and talk with him, about both of your feelings, be open and honest about it all, just remeber to have respect for each other no matter what is said. Has he always wanted to be alone and do things by himself or is this something new? Maybe you could start going to the Gym with him, maybe ya'll need to try and do more things together. The one thing you need to let him know is he doesnt have to yell at you or talk down to you your his wife and you need to stand firm on that.I dont know if your a Christian and I hope that you are stay in the word and ask God for guidance you cant do this and get it right with out him. I hope that I did'nt offend you, that's just my own thoughts. I have been married for Twenty Five years today, I have been through the Peak's and the Valley's and like I said before have respect for each other and talk it through. I wish you the best.

Get the book "Deal Breakers: When to Work On a Relationship and When to Walk Away" by Dr. Bethany Marshall. Amazon $5.99.
Read it in front of him and let him know you know your worth and he can treat you right. Because if he wont someone will.
I also ask my husband what he will do to keep me. It Helps things are not perfect.

I wanted to put this out there as one option. The First Baptist Church of Flower Mound offers biblical counseling. The counselors, Jim and Cheryl Crain, were recommended to me by a woman who did couple's counseling with them. If you and your husband would feel comfortable doing counseling with a biblical perspective, I'd at least give it one try--it sounds like they try to do it for free!
http://www.fbcfm.org/firstbaptistflowermound/biblical_cou...

Dear R.,

Yes, I've been there, done that! There must be something about the 10 year mark. That's when I felt like my marriage was falling apart too. My husband and I went to counseling, and now, 19 years later, we're still together and quite happy. What we went through back then, and the couseling we received as a result, actually helped make our marriage better in the long run.

Our church has a list of Christian counselors on the web site. Maybe you should start there. Go to www.fellowshipchurch.com. Click on "Get Connected". Then click on "Member Care". Then click "Counseling". A list of area counselors will come up. I believe some of them charge on a sliding scale based on income.

I've already said a prayer for you, your husband and your son. May God heal your marriage and bless you all.

Deb D

My husband and I went thru the same thing. One day we sat down to have a conversation about our communication problems. Set a date to have a conversation and each of you write a list of things you are loved about each other at the beginning of your relationship. Set the rules at the beginning of the conversation, no arguments. The first thing is to set a date for a romantic/date night. Like President Obama and Michelle has a date night. Find a babysitter for that one night. You can go out to a park to have a picnic, dinner, or stay at home with each other. Have dinner by the fireplace. I do not have a fireplace but I brought a fake fireplace with a light to make it glow. Send him flowers to the office, the guys at work will make fun of him, but he will feel specials. Meet him after work or for lunch. Just do something special for each other. I was separated for 2 years. I stayed prayed up as the elders say. Find the books that deal with marriage. Ephesians 5:21-29, 6:10-18, 1 Corinthians 7:10-16. These kept me from giving up. When he returned westarted the date night and everything has gotten better. Hope this works for you.

I went through this in marriage #1. My ex was very emotionally abusive and generally non-supportive. But I can certainly remember feeling exactly what you've described. We did counseling for months and months but there were so many non-recoverable issues that resulted in our divorce. It was for the best. I grew up and we grew apart in the 7 years we were married. Now, I'm a much happier and healthier person.

I'm not condoning divorce as a cure-all, it certainly is still hard to deal with him sometimes. But we've come a long way.

There has been a lot of good counsel given to you already. Talk to your husband in a non-emotional way(which I know can be difficult when you care so deeply about making things better)and tell him that you want more than anything to learn how to communicate with eachother in a way that won't push eachother's buttons and will produce deep friendship. Counseling sounds like the right thing to do.

But, please, whatever you do, don't ever threaten to leave him. You don't want him "behaving himself" simply because he's afraid of you leaving. That's no way to live life. Determine that you are going to get through this "for worse" part and commit to do whatever it takes to make that happen.

God bless you with the courage to fight for your marriage.

Counseling.

The best marriages have usually gone through counseling. In my oppinion. You'll be so happy that you did and it will increase your love and undertanding of one another.