Have You Left Domestic Violent Men?

As I was mentally composing this post, I said to myself, "but, it really wasn't *that* bad." And that kind of thinking, is exactly why I stayed. It's tempting to tell you that I would have left, had it been worse. I doubt I would have. But, to say so might make me seem stronger, or more sane.

I had always said I would leave if someone was abusive towards me. Of that, I had actually been positive. I am a strong person. Strong people leave, right?

Frankly, I was (who knows, maybe I still am) embarrassed and ashamed that I had stayed in the first place. In staying I had lost many of my strongest allies and my sense of self; I had become "a victim". More than that, I felt I had also "failed" to "help him change". To leave felt like defeat. It's a mistake I often make while playing poker; I become pot committed and refuse to leave a crappy hand. I had chosen to give this person everything (my time, energy, body). To give up on him, seemed like giving up on myself, love and the capacity for change. I equated my self worth with our relationship and with what I could do for others. I felt weak and I did not love myself. I held on, with death grip, to the possibility that he would change. If he changed, my efforts and pain would not be wasted. And I would not have been crazy for staying.

So I had to learn slowly and meanwhile he didn't change. And love wasn't enough. It took a while. After two and a half years I left.

But I got out, and damn it, I am strong

You are a good woman. I too wish I lived coser to her to give her hubby a piece of my mind, or right foot in his you know where.

It is not easy to leave because they first get you so emotionally dependent on them for everything you feel like you don't have any friends or anywhere to go to except him.

Military moms need to know that there are ways to get his wages garnished and you will get paid while he is active duty. There are wives' clubs set up to help women in abusive relationships, we used to call it the Key Wives Club. They were there to help any wife who needed anything.

The CO's wife is a good one to start with if you are not sure where to go, or a senior enlisted's wife, that of a Gunny, Sgt Major, Master Guns, E-7 through E-9's, also the Chaplain can point any woman who is being abused in the right direction.

Have you watched the HBO On Demand documentary : "Every F*&king Day of My Life"?

Very powerful and I recommend it.

I left a boyfriend while I was in my 20s. He was a drinker and turned into a mean drunk. One night he pushed me down some stairs after accusing me of cheating on him (I've never cheated on anyone in my life!). That was it for me, I broke up with him on the spot and that was the end of it. I still run into him every few years at mutual friends' events. He knows exactly why I dumped him. Never looked back.

Before my Husband, in college, I have dated... a couple of guys that were abusive. I left them before I got hurt more and right when I realized what was going on.
I even called the cops on one.
It is a decision of just common sense despite all the tangled up emotions.

all the best,
Susan

You go Riley! Keep telling that story as often as you can handle telling it. It is truly powerful. Who knows...The next person who hears it may begin to see a smidgen of light.

i have not been in a violent relationship. i don't think i would last 5 minutes in a violent relationship.
staying for the sake of children, or hoping an instance was just that, an instance, hoping someone will change, are wrong. children need to be kept safe. hope all who are going through this find the strength to get out.