I've been trying to find ways to get closer to my 11 yr old daughter. We too, have always had a difficult relationship. She has a lot of resentment issues towards her younger brothers, especially the middle one. Recently I've tried making sure the boys are in bed earlier than she is, so we can have some time together one on one. Usually she gets in my bed with me, and brings her book and we read together, or sometimes we chat. I think she really appreciates this special time with just me.
It sounds like you don't have much time at all, but maybe if you can even spend 15-20 minutes with her every night before bed, it would help. Take turns reading from her favorite book, talk about her day.
As for her screaming and tantrums, I always recommend Love and Logic. It's a great parenting resource. When/if my daughter yells at me, I always say "I will be ready to listen when you can talk to me in a calm voice". If she tries to argue with me, I say "I love you too much to argue with you", and I refuse to argue back. Another thing L&L recommends is offering two choices that you can live with in almost every situation. "Do you want orange juice or milk? Do you want the green cup or the red cup? Do you want to wear this skirt or those pants?" This way, the child feels like they're in control and making decisions for themselves and it helps to preempt the battles and arguments.
I hope things get better for you. This too shall pass!
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I've been trying to find ways to get closer to my 11 yr old daughter. We too, have always had a difficult relationship. She has a lot of resentment issues towards her younger brothers, especially the middle one. Recently I've tried making sure the boys are in bed earlier than she is, so we can have some time together one on one. Usually she gets in my bed with me, and brings her book and we read together, or sometimes we chat. I think she really appreciates this special time with just me.
It sounds like you don't have much time at all, but maybe if you can even spend 15-20 minutes with her every night before bed, it would help. Take turns reading from her favorite book, talk about her day.
As for her screaming and tantrums, I always recommend Love and Logic. It's a great parenting resource. When/if my daughter yells at me, I always say "I will be ready to listen when you can talk to me in a calm voice". If she tries to argue with me, I say "I love you too much to argue with you", and I refuse to argue back. Another thing L&L recommends is offering two choices that you can live with in almost every situation. "Do you want orange juice or milk? Do you want the green cup or the red cup? Do you want to wear this skirt or those pants?" This way, the child feels like they're in control and making decisions for themselves and it helps to preempt the battles and arguments.
I hope things get better for you. This too shall pass!