Having Sexual Isues

you are NOT alone. i seem to be having the same problem and i'm only 25. i've thought about going to see a doctor but i just haven't yet. maybe that's something that you could try.

My mom went through the samething, so you are not a freak! My mom went to the doctor and they ran some tests. They found that her hormones had changed, one of them being her Estergen Level which greatly interfers with ones sex drive. They put her on pills and now my dad cant keep up! Go to the doctor, people dont lose their sex drive for nothing.

J.

Are you on any medications? I am on Lexapro an anti depressant, and have no sex drive. I do not think my husband and I have had sex in two years. There are other issues too, but my GYN says it is the meds. Yeah, I want to go talk to someone to, but he refuses, so it is not worth it cause I need his imput too.

Good Luck.

Ok, Im kind of in the same situation as you are. Don't really want sex at all...just not interested. Like it's gross or something. Or maybe Im just too tired. I'm also on antidepressants which cut your sex life in half.

Has anything changed in your life recently? Have you gained any weight? Are you under any stress? Maybe your body chemistry is just off. It can be a hundred things.

I'd make an appointment with your doc and see if you can get some blood work done just tobe on the safe side.

I have to laugh at my responce though, as I sell "marital aids" and MY sex life sucks!! LOL

M.

C.,

This is going to sound shocking, but the hormonal changes in a woman's body that eventuall lead to menopause actually have their beginnings in her mid to late 30's! It may be a result of your hormone levels changing as you get older.

There are medications that cause decrease in sexual desire, as well. Anti-depressants are notorious for this. If you have started taking a medication that you weren't taking before, take a look at its side effects, it may be the culprit.

The first place to go with this question is to your primary care doctor. Get a physical. Sometimes decreased desire is related to an issue with overall health.

There are medications that are either very new or in the works to help women deal with decreased desire, and you would be amazed how many people suffer from it. A lot of times, it's a result of an underlying issue in a relationship, or stress, fatigue, etc. Americans (married ones, anyway) are considered to be among the LEAST sexually active there are. This is primarily why. There are things you can do, though, so do talk to your doctor about it. It's emabrassing, but they can help.

Oh, you mentioned that sometimes you let your BF get things started, and then you get into it. If that works for you, then there's no shame in going with it. Sometimes physical stimulation is what we need to get the motor running. If you want to "grease the wheels" in that department, take a look at Pure Romance. It's a home party company that sells all kinds of toys and lotions and oils and such. You don't have to have a party, you can order from their website pureromance.com. One of the things they sell is a "heightener" cream called X-scream. It works for either sex, and it works very, very, well. You can feel a difference in a matter of seconds. A little of that stuff will pretty much guarantee that you bf's attentions will seem like a GREAT idea just as soon as you get started.

C. you are not a freak. And as you can see you aren't alone.
Lots of great advice here already , but here's my 2 cents anyway :)
First off go to your Doctor and get a complete work up. The first time I went through this I was your age and had started early menopause, one week of estrogen therapy and all was well!
This last time,it turned out my problem was undiagnosed diabetes. So I made some changes... new diet, more excercise obviously.
But the biggest change I made is taking a little time for me. I get up before my kids every morning and get my shower in,most mornings I hop in with my husband and we can grab 10 minutes to just talk and wash each others backs. Hair done, lotion and make-up on...even if I'm not going any where. No more sweat pants before 6pm is my new rule.I've even started doing my nail again.
I also traded t-shirts and boxers for nice jammies, this makes a big difference in feeling sexy, and they don't have to be victoria's secret, just aything that makes you feel good.
Lastly, your boy friend needs to grow up and step up!
If my husband had accused me of "getting it somewhere else"...pigs would fly before he saw me naked again! We had a talk and I explained to him that the pressure to make love only made it worse, I was already stressing over it. So he learned to back of a bit and I learned to relax. My jammies have categories now.....Yes, Maybe and Ain't Gonna Happen. He came up with this as a joke, but it turns out it really works.
You both need to relax and work this out as a couple,never in almost a year of "drive lag" did I feel I might lose him over it.
So get to your Doctor and take it one day at a time...it will work out.

C.,
I know where your at, I'm 31 and my youngest is 9 months old. I don't think my husband and I had sex for nearly 7 months straight (1 month before she was born and 6 months after). I didn't want him anywhere near me, especially since I was breastfeeding. I was also taking the "mini pill" for birh control and I feel this had an effect on me as well.

Once she was weaned and I quit taking the pill, I felt 200% better and we seemed to be back on track - which for us is around 1X or 2X a week...for a while. Then I fell back into a rut, being tired, feeling fat, just want to read my book or watch my show, have to get up early...I think I get so used to saying no that even when I want to say yes, it's a knee jerk reaction to say no!

So, we agreed to make Saturday night date night - just plan on getting lucky! I always make sure I've taken a shower and shaved my legs and put on some pretty underwear & perfume - little things so I feel good. I can prepare, even schedule it in my mind so I don't have to worry about what I'm missing or forgetting. We usually don't even go anywhere or do anything special except have a glass of wine and just spend a bit of time with each other.

Honestly, I think sex is one of those things, the more you do it, the more you want to do it...

Good Luck!

You are not alone as you can see. I am married now for almost 7 years, and the same thing, in the beginning was great, now I am either too tired, too busy, or sometimes not interested. We have a 3 yr. old that i chase around as well as I have two teenagers from a previous marriage. We are in counseling though. For some other reasons, but I finally brought it up, brave enough with a counselor to help, and his advice was to make a date once a week, and just have it be us, and sometimes it does not have to end up with sex, but just cuddling or hanging out in a quiet place with no kids. Soo, we still have not found time to do this but we are trying. It has only been two weeks with this suggestion. We do have date night once a week, but after that I am really toooo tired. We are hanging in there, you should just talk to your boyfried or go talk to someone by yourself, I am also doing that on my own. Good Luck

You are not a freak. I think everyone's desire to have sex goes through it's ups and downs. Lots of things can affect it - age, stress, medical conditions, KIDS!! My husband and I were going through the same thing. It has started getting better, but it still is an effort for me sometimes. Sometimes things get so hectic in our lives that sex is usually one of the first things to go. Try to schedule into a day (I picked Sat. because it is easier for my husband and I to connect with each other). If you try to put it back up there on top of your priority list then things should strat to get better. And if not, I would definately think about going and talking to a therapist - with or without your boyfriend. Good luck!

It could be that you have alot on your mind and that is not really your priority right now. Try to explain it to you boyfriend say its not him or anybody else its that you have alot on your mind. Hope this works

OK-let me start by saying, my husband is attractive to me, he is great in bed and there is no one in this world I would want to share my bed with BUT I can honestly say that sex is not a priority on my list of important things to do. Sometimes, 'life' takes precidence over a roll in the hay so to speak. In order for me to be in the mood, it has to be early morning when I am awake enough to realize that I have a sexy man in my bed and just not awake enough to realize I have a thousand things to do that day. Sex is a very mental thing for me. In order for me to truly enjoy it, my mind has to be clear of worry. I don't know you personally but I think that the pressure your man is putting on you is stressing you out to the point where you just don't want to be bothered (subconciously) Think about that. Then ask him to back off a little. Ive been through it and you should NOT beat yourself up about it. It is not written anywhere that sexgodess has to be part of your persona. You will find that once you man stops pestering you, your sex drive will magically reappear. I am sorry that you are going through this. Good luck.

it's a really common problem. i haven't read any other responses so sorry if this is repeat info, but they're doing a study for new meds now. it's www.decreasedsexualdesire.com i think. it gives info about the condition and you can see if you qualify for the study. hope that helps :)

Hey C.,

You have a bunch of great responses here, so I will just add backup to those. I have the same problem and I have been married for 12 years. This started about 4 years ago. Alot of it was due to the fact that I had really bizarre menstral periods, which we all know does NOTHING for your sex drive. I went to my GYN and talked with him about everything. After many months and many "trials" of different things, I opted to have a partial hysterectomy. That solved the one problem. But it seemed that when he took my uterus...he also took what little libido I did have before the operation!! My GYN said this was absolutely normal and put me on an extremely low dose of testosterone. That has helped tremendously. I don't take them all the time now, just once in a while if I need that "kick". You say you have had the same boyfriend for six years...and he is accusing you of "getting it elsewhere"? He's a complete jerk-off and after doing great bodily harm, I personally would kick his butt to the curb. Sorry, not trying to add to your stress, but if he loves you and has been with you for six years, then he should be helping you with the problem not adding to your stress.

I hope this helps and good luck to you.

K.

I'm in the same boat, and at least with me, I don't see it changing, because, well, I don't want it to change. I'd just rather sleep. Your man's lucky cause I'm almost never in the mood. Like you, once I let him start, I quickly get IN the mood. But I usually won't even give in but once every FEW months, sometimes six months'll go by, serious. For me, I have kids, I'm busy all day, at night I"m interested in enjoying a little tv at night, and by the time I'm willing to stop watching tv, it's only cause I'm "THAT" tired! My husband also thinks I"m not interested in him, sad to say, reality, I'm really not. I just lost interest. But I see that as his problem, not mine. I know he won't leave me, that's the good thing, I'm confident at least in that he won't go out to cheat on me. But he's very depressed, I can tell.... it's not easy when you're just not "there" in your head and he "IS"!!! A tough pairing!

What stands out the most about this is that he is refusing to go with you to see about help. That's a red flag right there.

I've been through this, and I think I can say that I'm still going through this, to an extent. Having children did it for me, killed my libido a bit, but I think that getting older and more mature makes us women cool out, and not seem as sexual, or horny all the time. I also think that when a man hurts you, your libido can be hurt too, even if you think you've forgiven him. My husband hates that I don't want to have sex with him too often, and eventually it probably will destroy our marriage, because of his reaction to my not being in the mood. But at this point, I realize that I probably made a mistake marrying him.

To make this short, you're NOT a freak. He's the only freak I see here. If you're putting in the effort and he isn't, that sucks. Furthermore, he could be the one not turning you on anymore.

I hear ya. I'm 26 and am hardly ever in the mood.

Have you started a new birth control? I believe my sex drive has plummeted because I'm doing the period every 3 months thing. Talk to your gyno. I'm sure its totally hormonal that could be fixed easily.

Also, since you're in to trying unique things like movies, try going out to a bar - separate and flirt and introduce each other again. A little role playing is quite fun especially to such an extent!

C.,

You are not the only one. I have three kids too. 8,5 and 3 (soon-to-be 4). I am never in the mood. I have been feeling this way for a very long time. My husband gets angry and also thinks that I am not attracted to him. I keep telling him that it is not him, it's me. I just don't have any desire for it any more. When I went for my annual last month, I asked my dr about if this is normal to feel this way and he said that I am not the only one that feels this way. As a matter of fact, he said that he would get asked that question like 100 times a day. He gave me a prescription for some cream. He said that it is has a little bit of testosterone in it. You apply it on the out side of the vagina like three times a week and that may boost my sex drive. He said that some times it works on some people and some times it don't. I haven't gotten the prescription filled yet. My husband keeps asking me if I have gotten it done. I keep saying no. Once again...that is not on the top of my priority list.

I feel that being that I am taking care of the house and the kids all of the time, I'm just so tired when it's time to do anything. You should just speak to your OB/GYN about it and see what advice they could give to you.

A.

You are not a freak and it is not unusual for sexual desires to wax and wane. I see several factors that are probably contributing to this for you. First, you have three kids.. that's a full time job that lives with you! When you pour yourself out into your family it is easy to get exhausted and let's face it, sex is work. Second you are getting older (sorry), and might be facing hormonal changes. I suggest you schedule a physical and tell your GP or OBGYN what you are experiencing. Third, your relationship is no longer new and exciting in the same way it once was. People who have successful and life long marriages have gone through the same things from time to time. Communication and willingness to work through problems is vital. I have a strong faith and know that praying for guidedance helps. You said that he won't go with you for counseling, but that doesn't mean you can't go alone. Take the steps you need to for yourself. Share the information you get from your doctor and counselor with your boyfriend so he can see your feelings aren't unusual and can be helped.

C., I know how you feel. I have problems with my husband and I know that that is the reason I do not want to be with him. It is so hard I also have many friends that complain about the same thing. They just have so many other things going on that they just do not have the time or energy for that. You could talk to someone there is nothing wrong with that. It will make you feel better. Good Luck!!
C.
Mom helping Moms work from home!!!
http://colleend.stayinhomeandlovinit.com

How C., you are not a freak by any means : ) I would say the first thing you should do is go to your primary care Dr. or your gyn. It could be the pill you're on, if that's what you use for birth control or some other hormonal problem. Or, subconsiously you could be afraid of getting pregnant again. I bet ya that's the culprit! If not, think of what do as moms & all we have to do. Being a parent is stressful. After a full day of doing mom things & if you work outside the house, there's that much more stress. PLUS, if could be you're afraid the kids might hear ya (tell your b/f to put a pillow over your mouth LOL . . . not too hard tho. Things will work out. You're not avoiding the issue, deal with it. That's the only way it will get fixed. Good luck kiddo, I'd love to know how you make out. You haven't even hit your prime!!! The day will come, your b/f won't be able to keep up with ya. Why do you think Demi Moore went for a younger guy LOL Seriously tho, go to your doctor & tell him/her what you've been going thru.

no your not a freak... any normal woman has gone through the same thing. some worse than what your experiencing. i've spent alot on movies and toys and whatever else, and that didn't help me either. but then again my problem is, i don't want to try anything new and exciting becuz i have self esteem issues, so that doesn't help. so i guess the only way those things help is if your willing to try new things. my problems with having sex or wanting sex are more physical than mental, it's very painful for me, and it always has been. is it like that for u? and also, my fiance has his own collection of movies, and they aren't the nice ones that i bought.... so that upsets me becuz i feel if he has to watch those, then im not doing something right! and i've asked why, and he says he can't answer that. are you stressed at all? you must be if you have kids, but stress can effect people differently so maybe that has something to do with it. do you suffer from depression? are you taking any meds? it could be a million things, but talk to your doctor. thats what i plan on doing after at my post partum visit in a few weeks. and try talking to him. explain to him that it's not him, and maybe see if there's something he can do to help. if he knows what's going on, he may not get so mad about it and he may be more patient :) good luck

The Best one to go to Immediately with this information (believe it or not) is your GYN!! With the details you've provided it appears to be either PHYSICAL or EMOTIONAL. You have to rule them out. Get yourself "checked" for any GYN Internal problems, Bloodwork, maybe a CT, or MRI will most likely be done--- if all is good trust me the GYN will have answers. If there is some EMOTIONAL issues (actually, even if there is not) coupled with the GYN visits see a Therapist. I had the same issues and I did all of the above and now I'm GOOD, he's GOOD, if you know what I mean. I wish you would DO THIS IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!!

Nope..your not the only one...

I'm 25...I have a 5 year old with his father...and he thinks I am not attracted to him as well.

We were like bunnies before...and now it sucks....

He also thinks I hook up elsewhere..

And I have also not been in the mood and just let it happen to get it over...and there are those rare moments when I start getting into and he is done...and thats the worse cause your like thats it..

I think its just something mutual...maybe try to make time alone without distractions..I know its hard because you have 3 kids...but we have our hands full too...I work full-time, started my own company, and recently graduated from college, plus made plenty of time for our son....now the tables are turned and he's finishing his last year in college...has an internship and works at night....

If the movies and toys don't work then it has to be something more intimate...I think Im starteng to realize it too..

I should be taking my own advice...maybe surprise him...do little things here in there...because just cause you have a busy schedule doesn't mean you should stop enjoying yourself...cause your still young and in your prime.

If you guys are going to spend the rest of your life together...try to bring the fire back...personally I wouldn't go to a professional because you can usually figure it out on your own ...

good luck and I think I am going to try to follow my advice too ...hehehe ;)

i would have to agree with the other ppl that have answered you...it's normal for women to lose the drive...sometimes it's not normal....but for most, it happens. i've been married almost 4 yrs now, and no longer have the drive (at least not for my husband...and NO, i don't cheat) before we got married, it was great. once we got married, he lost it (said it was my weight) and since we had the baby, he's been more interested (even though i've gained 20 lbs) but i'm still a little sore from his comment about the weight. i am no longer attracted to him now, some because of his weight gain, alot because of his having issues of my weight, and alot because he doesn't "do the job". so i'd say, don't follow in my steps (which you're already doing)...talk to him, and if he won't do something to help you change the situation, think about what's better for yourself. either stay and suffer w/ the situation, or leave and make a better life...but it has to be whatever is in you and your children's best interests! just wish i could take my own advice!