He Was CROSS with His Mommy

I love to read your posts but I do indeed feel like I've traveled back in time. possibly a good thing? who knows=)

I don't think it's so shocking. He's 1 and you told him he can;t go out because he has no shoes. While in your mind that may make sense in he's he was J. told he cant do what he wants and probably doesn't see why shoes matter. I agree you have to keep to your guns...
Why couldn't he go out without shoes though?
possibly next time make it your idea and let him run barefoot outside if theres not glass or dangerous stuff all over? its fun to run barefoot though grass, sidewalks, puddles=) Plus he'll learn owww I'd rather have had my shoes if not

Fasten your seat belt.
This is where personality and free-will kick in.
You're not in Kansas anymore!

You did what you needed to do, under the circumstances. Toddlers must learn that they can't have everything they want when they want it, which is a challenging adjustment for just about all kids and parents.

And I also found my heart aching for your little guy, who was obviously suffering, so it occurs to me to gently set out this cautionary tale:

My mom was big on respect, obedience, control and discipline. To the point that her four daughters were never allowed to have our authentic feelings, or express a need that was contrary to her plans. She'd never show any empathy, and if we ever acted angry toward her or toward each other, she would employ everything from spankings, shaming, fury, and pathetic, weepy manipulation to keep us in line. All of us grew up with our feelings, needs and desires so badly mangled that we fell into relationships that were painfully like her (hence my first divorce after 15 years of misery, and a sister who has been emotionally disabled since her mid-40's). At 64, I'm still slowly and painfully learning how to be authentic, and have deep, deep resentments about my upbringing.

You don't sound like that kind of mom. But I hope you are willing, at least sometimes, to see that your son gets something that he wants that urgently. I wonder if you had said, "Let's go up and get your shoes on so we can go out," how he might have felt delighted instead of cross. Wanting to be out in fresh air and sunlight is a really healthy impulse, and I'd be inclined to support it if possible.

Suggestion: check out Dr. Karp's fine book, The Happiest Toddler on the Block. Actually, your story sounds quite a bit like his empathy technique, so perhaps you already have. And when he's just a little older, you can also use the wonderful processes taught in How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish. This is my favorite, most practical parenting book ever. Incredibly effective with my 6yo grandboy for the past 3.5 years!

You seem to be taken aghast that your child reacted in such a way. This is normal behavior. Kids at this age have tantrums when not only they don't get their way but do not yet have the best communication skills. They get frustrated that you don't understand them and they don't understand you. Let me tell ya - there's going to be more of these - especially if you insist that he happily obey your every command. He's learning about his environment, testing limits, etc. - it's how they learn.
Ignore the tantrum and they don't get the attention - may take a little while for this to sink in, but it's the best way to handle it if you want to stop them.

Sounds like you did fine.

Best tip I ever got:

Never get emotionally invested in an argument with a child.

Looks like early onset of the terrible twos.
On the bright side, since he started early he might get over with it early, too.
You did fine!
It's a developmental stage every kid goes through.
He'll grow and mature a lot, but they sure do push your buttons while they are doing it!

If you are out that door next time he has a tantrum, pick him up and unceremoniously take him back home and put him in his room. He can cry in his room. Not in front of you.

If you are away, pick him up and unceremoniously strap him in his carseat. (I know, it's a feat of super-human strength when they are kicking and screaming!) Stand outside of the car and ignore him. Ever so often, open the door and say "Are you done yet?"

Never give in when he has a tantrum. Ever. Or you will just magnify the tantrums.

There is a book called "The Berenstain Bears Get the Gimmees" that you should buy (you can find it on Amazon.com). It is about the youngest Bear having tantrums in the store because she wants what she wants. It will be of great use to you to read to your son over and over and over as he gets older. Use it for years!!!

Another tip - make sure he is rested and fed before you take him out. Kids are more apt to have meltdowns when they are hungry and tired.

Good luck entering the terrible two's!
Dawn

ha ha no, you're better than me! LOL!

This isn't what you want to hear:

He sounds so cute...even when he's cross. :-)

I'd say you handled it perfectly! Stand your ground and don't move that line when pushed, it gets better eventually ;)

"Back to Basics Discipline" by Janet Campbell Matson. You can nip fits forever after his first couple of attempts, or you can ignore them (and distract and redirect and hover) and live with them for the next 2 to 5 years while they get worse and worse.

Both my older kids tried them at 18 months (and under no uncertain circumstances did not succeed). My tiniest terror started at 9 months!!! Her battle was harder, but she's a non-tantrumming 2 1/2 now. Get the book and give your son an advantage at awesome impulse control and good behavior. Don't let him practice that kind of behavior...or he will keep it up for a looooooong time. None of my three throw fits. It makes my life (single parent of three pretty much) so much more manageable than it otherwise would be. When kids aren't busy screaming and raging, they're busy playing and having fun and hugging you, so don't let anyone tell you it's mean to nip the fits. Actually , my tiny rager-who still has her full spectrum of emotions firmly in tact, will start to get upset about stuff (if it's real, fine, she's got a colorful spectrum of "fears" her sibs didn't---dogs, noises and stuff--- but if it's not getting her way or standard 2 year old stuff-nope, not allowed) so when I see her bottom lip go out and the tears well up for a basic fit, I say, Nope! Tuck it in! and put my finger on her pouty lip to "push it in", which makes her crack up and laugh the tears away. It's a game now, but we got to that place with discipline first.

I think you did a great job, and I don't think you are all that shocked at his behavior....maybe just how soon you all got there. Like you said, a new chapter. :)

My only advice is pick your battles. For instance, my turning-2-on-Sunday toddler didn't want to get out of the van today. I unbuckled her and she wanted to stay and play. When I realized I didn't want to climb in and chase her, I said, "Fine. I'm going in." I closed the outter garage door, left the sliding van door open, and opened the door to the house. I expected crying the minute I got inside. Nope. I put my stuff down and then checked on her (while older sister also put her stuff away). Still not ready. I went to the bathroom and then checked on her. Still not ready. I finally gave her a "You have 2 minutes and then you need to come in." She was finally ready. Yes. I could have climbed in and wrestled her out, but then I would have a screaming toddler, and it wasn't worth all that. She got what she wanted, and I still got her out in a reasonable time. (I didn't leave the keys in the ignition or in the van either.....no worries there.)

So again....pick your battles and then be consistent with what you promise (that's for rewards and discipline).