Hey all. My mom is coming to help us with the arrival of baby #2 in October. We're 4 hours away from any close family, so I'm really looking forward to that again. My dad is hauling their new camper the weekend before my due date and my mom will have her own car as well. I'm wondering what I should do to prepare for a long-term family visitor? We're very much considering this a blessing, and we get along quite well with her, but of course I'm sure we'll get annoyed at some point. Does anyone have advice for things we can talk to her about before she comes (so we're on the same page) or things to do while she's here? I already plan on making sure she knows that WE decide what our toddler can and cannot do or have, but beyond that I can't think of anything. We have briefly talked about her essentially filling in for me with some cooking, cleaning and toddler-care but that's about it.
I never deluded myself into believing I could control a grandma.
What I have found is this attitude you are asking me a favor so don't tell me how to do that favor....and that was just a vacation.
Good luck!
ROFLMAO....aaaahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahhahahaha
you think she's going to listen to your directions on how to mother a child....
hahahahahhahahahaha
Sorry....just went through this with my MIL. Mrs On Purpose said almost verbatim what you just did - we'll just tell her the schedule, and the foods and about the not giving in to tantrums.
rofl....by the end of Week 1 (of 4 weeks total), I had to apologize to keep MIL from leaving b/c I wasn't "nice enough" when being bossed around.
But I hope it works out better for you and Mr. J.. :)
You say long term. How long are they going to be there? Are they moving in with you or just helping for a week or so after baby is born. The way I
look at it, if someone is coming to help there is not need to discuss anything. Just roll with the punches. Much easier then setting rules up. If
your toddler has something he does not usually have, don't fret. Let him
enjoy being with Grandma and Grandpa.
I say if she's offering to come help then PLEASE don't dictate what that help should be. When someone, even your mom, does you a favor like this just smile and say thank you :)
Hopefully she will be sensitive enough to come right out and say "what can I do?" at which point you can direct her to the kitchen or laundry or toddler or whatever it is that's giving you the most grief.
Congrats on number 2 and good luck!
My mom lives nearby and all the old Vietnamese women tell you what you should and should not do. I rolled my eyes and now I regret it. Here's the thing: I wouldn't talk to her to be on the same page. You guys ARE on the same page. Caring and making sure baby is fed and happy is both your goals so let it be.
Just listen and nodd. Be happy to get the help and try the things she suggest...she did, after go through babies herself. I've learn to accept the knowledge of my elders after thinking I knew everything because I went to college. pfft
In the early days of caring for a baby don't you remember being so tired that if your husband were to dunk the baby into some water and call it a bath, it was okay? See if what they do you'd like to do as well, learn from it and if it's not what you like, then so be it. You get to do whatever you want when they are gone. I found that only the crazy "your dd can't touch my baby because she's had a spinal tap" (true story) parents can't stand other people taking care of their baby.
I would just be very honest with her and say, "hey, lets get a game plan for when you come". List out what you WANT her to do: cooking, dishes, laundry, vaccuuming, pets?, shopping, etc. List out house rules for your child. I think you just need to be honest and say, I know we will probably get on each others nerves, what can we do so we all know what to expect?
When I had my first, my mom came out to "help" for 2 weeks. We didn't talk about it prior. I just "assumed" she would help with the baby, cooking and housework....uh, no. The second I came home from the hospital, she said, "I won't do anything for the baby, you guys need to learn how to take care of her yourself". Nice. And she didn't cook or clean either. She busied herself hanging pictures around the house and rearranging all my furniture in every room, including everything in the kitchen. IT WAS HELL! So when my second came along and she offered her "help", I said, No thanks mom, I learned great from your first visit, I can handle it. And I did. Good luck!
You are going to tell your mom what to do when she offered to help you? Uh, yeah, you'll have to let us know how that works out. :)
If you really feel like you have to say something, you could tell her you are looking forward to the help she can provide with x,y,z. I'd leave it at that.
Even if she does nothing the way you'd like it done, she's only there temporarily. Enjoy the help while you have it. Give everyone permission to keep the children alive and safe the best way they know how...and you can be in charge again when she leaves. Let her enjoy being grandma to your little babies. They grow so fast, these are precious memories she will cherish, as long as you don't spend your time arguing with her over the small stuff. You turned out OK, right? She won't screw up anything too badly. And I'd be surprised if you really care that much about every little detail when you are recovering and sleep deprived anyway. Relax.
I would just talk to mom about how things can work out so you are not all over each other. It would be totally normal for you to rush to the toddler since that is what you do. You have to let her step in. However, you can try to make sure she sees how you do things as well. I once had help with laundry because I could not carry the basket or take the stairs. My inlaw totally understood I do things my way and what I did not like--like bleach in my towels or drying some clothes in the dryer. If she will be cooking, let her know if there are things used for only certain foods or if some foods are off limits. I had a sitter that practically bathed all food in oil. Everything was fried. After a while my kids all had stomach aches and it took a while before they could eat healthier food I prefer. I had to talk to her several times.
A friend of mine had her mil help out. She was afraid to tell her things and they stepped on toes for a while. Once they actually sat down and talked about it, everything was fine. Don;t be afraid of your letting your mom know that something bothers you.
