Help Finding Information

You can try doing an online search for the mother in the online white pages, or if you know what state she lives in, call 411 information direct. You can also check Facebook. A similar thing happened to me when I was had my daughter and found out that "daddy" had a fiance, who had a child 9 months after my daughter was born. I found out her name when I received an insurance card through the mail from child support services. I called 411, got her phone # and called her. She was just as interested to find out about me as I was to find out about her. You didn't go into detail regarding your situation, but it sounds like your husband is being pretty sneaky. You have a right to know about any other children he may have, just like your child has a right to know about any siblings. If you are able to make contact with this woman, she may become someone who can help share information with you in the future in regard to locating dad for child support. I hope it doesn't come to that for you, but doesn't hurt to be prepared. I wish you the best.

Having endured three divorces, I have an unfortunate hindsight as to what I value most in a relationship. I think the three that top my list are mutual respect, reciprical hope for each other's growth and success and finally, viewing each other as equals despite jobs, roles or community status.

I encourage you to make a list as well and to consider putting continual personal growth above seeking definitive answers. I find this has helped me define and verbalize many of my needs in place of resenting everyone I love for not miraculously sensing those needs. I feel armed with a lot more tools today when I face tough situations such as yours, reducing my feeling of helplessness. My family and friends appear to be more attracted to me as well instead of repelled by a constant state of doom and gloom. (I think we fear that chaos is contagious like the flu.)

I wish you well and that you receive goodness daily even if some days it is only rejoicing over the last roll of toilet paper way in the back of the cabinet. J.

I agree with S.H.'s response. Think this through as to what are the consequences of what you are trying to accomplish? I do have a friend that this happened to when they went thru a rough patch almost two decades ago. The child was accepted into their family of four. Today they are all still together. Not an easy choice or journey for any of them

I think before you satisfy your curiosity you should think what are you going to do with this info? If your husband is denying it then what is the problem? Do you want to pay child support? Do you want to destroy YOUR marriage over it? Do you want to bring this child into your family? Do you want to deal with the mother on the regular basis? There is a saying: do not wake up a sleeping dog.

If you manage to find out the information... what will you do next?
You already said your Husband will deny it... or do you plan to present him with the evidence?
Did he do this while married to you? Or prior to you both getting married? Is he supporting this child? Does he even know himself, that he fathered a child????
Is he in contact with the Mother?

How did you find out this information about the Mother's name, and sex of the child and the State it was born in, if your Husband did not tell you???

Due to privacy laws for adults and minor children... I don't know that any agency or hospital or etc., will give you information.

If you know the Mother's name... do you plan to call her and ask questions? Online they have sites where you can look up people's phone numbers for example. Or search a person by their name and state etc.

I'm sure this must be an anxious time... and hard for you.

But, think about what you will do, and how it will impact everyone if you find out... and I know this is your Husband... but if you tell him this and that you got information behind his back... how will he respond and react about it? Will it affect your marriage? What will it do and how will it be solved, etc.? And what do you expect, from it all??? Will you accept it, if it is true? Or that child he fathered and the "responsibilities" he has legally, if that woman makes him pay support etc.

All the best,
Susan

J.,
I am so sorry that you are in this situation. My gosh. You think you know a person and then...
Is he a liar and a cheater or just a liar - meaning was this child concieved during your marriage?
With that info, there are numerous websites that will lead you right to this family. Most of these websites cost a fee. But if you really want to know. Doesn't your husband want to know?
Good luck with this situation.

I would try 1-800-free-411 and find out their number if you can. Facebook is an easy way to find people. If you know someone who pays to get access to others information that would help a great deal. Good Luck