Help for Hearing Parents Teaching Kids Sensitive Things While Lacking Vocabulary

I wonder when he went deaf....if he was diagnosed when he was an infant or toddler why didn't you learn sign language back then?

You need to get signed up with his school to learn American Sign Language.

Most teachers will NOT allow kids to use shortcuts or slang in school, they have to use proper English signs so he needs to learn them and so do you. What are you going to do when he has homework? His family should each and every single one of them be in class to learn sign language from now til it is fluent completely and with a HUGE vocabulary.

In 8 yrs you've only picked up limited sign language vocabulary? He may be the only deaf person in your family but he's your son and you should be doing everything possible to communicate with him on a daily basis in the language he understands. See what resources are available and get on it now. The longer you wait the more distant he'll become because NOT EVEN HIS OWN MOTHER CARES ENOUGH TO LEARN HOW TO SPEAK HIS LANGUAGE.

This is less a 'how to impart this information' question and more of a communication issue.

If you and your partner/husband haven't taken ASL classes, get started now. He needs your support throughout his life. I have a friend who gradually became deaf in her teens. She reads lips and can talk, but still needed more support. In their fifties, she and her husband decided to take ASL classes... it is great because it gives her the ability to not have to wear her hearing aids (which provide a little help for her, but not much, mostly noise esp. in a group) and they can communicate when there are a lot of people around much more easily for her to understand.

Welcome to Mamapedia. An interesting first question - FYI you may get some pushback for appearing to focus on questions of masturbation.

I'm quite surprised that your signing isn't much farther along with an 8 year old. You should not be so limited that you can only have a short conversation about school. Surely this has been an issue in so many other areas, not just sexual health. What have you already done in this area to learn signs, practice them extensively, and work with other parents?

Are you saying that you have investigated all kinds of service providers, and that there's nothing for parents either through the deaf school, his physician, or colleges/adult ed in Phoenix? Does his pediatrician have someone on staff who signs? How does his school handle health issues? Not sure what grades his school includes, but even if it's just elementary school, there should be clear signs for body parts either through the teacher or the health staff/nurse. Surely every hearing parent of a child in that school has similar issues, right? And if his school doesn't cover all grades, what is the plan for when he goes to middle school and high school? Surely there are parent resources and a significant health ed program there, right? Can't you reach out to the "next step" school for help, not just for yourself, but for all the other parents?

I would think you'd have much greater success by working with other parents rather than using simply on line resources. This must be a very common problem.

Why don't you ask counselors at his school? Surely they can help you find resources to help you communicate better with your child.

I would talk to the resources (school counsellor, speciailsts he sees, etc. or a support group) to see what is out there.

I would suggest getting a book. I did for all my children.

ETA: Type in ASL and puberty into Google.

If there are no ASL resources in your area, Youtube has a ton of ASL lessons. Here's one for body parts: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_Ma22eslts

Also found this: https://www.startasl.com/learn-sign-language-asl.html

If your son is 8, I'm assuming that he can read and that you could communicate with more complexity (than your signing allows) on an iPad or a computer. Or even a pad of paper!

Good luck!

I think you're putting the cart before the horse. At 8 years old, he has a lot to learn before getting to the TMI part of your post. Have you discussed his underwear with the doctor? Have you studied physical development at all?

Just to give you an idea, sex ed wasn't taught in our school until 6th grade. Sure, you can teach your child at home, but you don't need to talking about what masturbation is to an 8 year old. If they are messing with their genitals, you tell them "We don't do that in public - go to the bathroom." You don't tell them more than they are developmentally ready to understand. They ARE ready to understand that they don't touch their genitals in public. And it's boring in the bathroom, so they won't stay in there long and will find something else to do that isn't associated with their genitals.

There are plenty of parents who don't tell their children everything they need to know. They get them books. The librarian can give you ideas of good books FOR THEIR AGE. The books offer good starting points for discussion.

All you have to do is read the books before giving them to your child. Then you have the vocabulary. What's so hard about that? You may have to learn the sign language for that, but that's part of you learning to talk to your son and your job - learning to sign.

If he's becoming withdrawn, it's not about your lack of sex ed. Stop worrying about the sex ed and learn to communicate overall with your son. Find a support group and talk to your ped about who you can work with.

Deaf or not there are age appropriate books that will explain the facts of life and what happens through puberty.
You also talk to him about tricky people, no body but a doctor should be touching in in inappropriate places, respecting himself, etc.
Also in this day and age - no taking pictures of yourself undressed and sending to anyone through computer/cell phones/etc and if anyone send him p1ctures like that he needs to tell you so you can deal with it.
The school I'm sure has a health class and should also be going over some things getting more detailed every year.
Like right about 8 or 9 yrs old they need to start using deodorant - a gym teacher will often bring this up if it hasn't been addressed already.

https://www.amazon.com/Whats-Happening-Body-Book-Boys/dp/...

I'm having a VERY hard time believing that the parent of an 8 year old deaf child isn't fluent in sign language.
Unless you just recently got custody?
If that's the case just keep practicing. Very few people, hearing or not, fixate on their kids' sexuality at such a young age.

Since he is at a Deaf school, I would start there. They must have counselors on site and resources that can help you. First, either get someone within the school to give you and your family members ASL lessons, or have them give you a list of places to take classes. It is very important for your relationship with your son that you do all you can to become fluent in sign language.

Second, you can spell out words you don't know when having these conversations.

Third, there are plenty of books on puberty. Have him read the books and then ask questions. He will probably feel a lot more comfortable talking about it with a male, rather than with you. It will be awkward for him to ask his mom about My son just turned 10 and I haven't needed to have any conversations like that with him, so I would think you should still have some time since your son is only 8.

Finally, I think you should find a support group of others in your situation. I just searched "hearing impaired support group Phoenix" and got a bunch of hits: http://www.acdhh.org/hard-of-hearing/hard-of-hearing-reso...
It can really help you to understand your emotions and your son's as he gets older and you're not able to communicate as easily as you have in the past. You may also benefit from talking to some Deaf adults and hearing their point of view. Have an interpreter available if needed so you can really communicate effecively.

check with colleges near you, our junior college offers asl classes just like spanish french and english as a second language, so by attending those classes one could become fluent in asl.