I need help figuring out how to get my 9mo DD not to use me as her pacifier. She nurses on demand because she has failure to thrive issues and I have to get her to eat whenever I can, but at night it seems like she is mostly using me as her pacifier. At least once a night when she wakes up she is genuinely eating, the rest of the time she seems to be just using me as her pacifier. I believe she is teething, she's super cranky during the day and chewing on her fingers a lot. I'm up with her so often at night that I've taken to sleeping in the recliner with her because I usually fall asleep when she's nursing. She has had so much happen to her in her short life, including surgery at 4m for craniosynostosis and wearing a helmet since then. Doc does not want me to wean due to her weight issues, so that's not really an option. No negative comments please, just looking for some advice on how I could try and get her to sleep better at night and not use me as her paci. Thanks!
I know people will not agree but maybe just give her a regular pacifier. At 9 months I doubt there will be nipple confusion. Just a thought.
Her behavior is actually NORMAL. Due to her past medical experiences, she needs some extra comforting and having your nipple in her mouth soothes and comforts her without you even actively doing anything. Sleeping together is a great idea since it allows you to sleep and her to feel safe and get the soothing or nutrition as she needs it.Roll with it rather than trying to stop it and you will be a lot less stressed, resentful and upset.
Have you tried giving her a regular pacifier? Sometimes you have to try several different shapes and sizes.... mine always liked the Nuk.
God love her! Wow sounds like you went through alot already! Both mine have used me as a pacifer its hard to sleep I know! I bought the playtex most like mom pacifer to try and trick my 4 month old. It didnt work but may work for you (its only $4.00 for 2 ) do its worth a try!
How wonderful that you're able to nourish your little one in this way & help her thrive after her tough start in life! I always tell people with breastfeeding questions to check out La Leche League. LLL is full of moms who have been there, done that.
One thing that could help is an attitude change. Our society nearly abandoned breastfeeding years ago, in spite of the fact that it's incomparably better for babies than any substitute. (I know there are moms who have not been able to breastfeed, in spite of their best efforts, so please don't think I'm being critical of anyone who bottle feeds.) The fact is, an artificial pacifier is a substitute for the breast, and not the other way around. Your baby is designed to turn to your breast for comfort. You're the real deal, Mom!
If you can find a way to get your rest while continuing to let your little one nurse for nourishment and comfort, that would be ideal. Are you okay with taking her to bed with you? This is very safe, and used in most societies with no danger for the baby. Just do a little research to understand a few precautions. There's a book called "The Family Bed" that I found helpful years ago when I had my first baby. I kept all four of my babies in bed with me and nursed them with minimal disruption of my sleep.
Remember to check LLL for other moms' ideas about various ways to satisfy your baby's needs while also taking care of yourself.
Please--go back to your bed and have your husband start helping at nighttime. At 9 months she does not need to eat in the middle of the night.
Try giving her a pacifier--does she have a special blanket or bunny that she will self calm with. If she must eat at night then give her a bottle instead of nursing--your husband could help you out and do that. It is dangerous for you to fall asleep while nursing. It may take a few nights but try to go in her room if she is crying, pat her back,have very little communication--no play time. Hopefully, she will go back to sleep. Good luck
First of all, if it works for you, it's totally okay. Otherwise, I would check out the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley, it talks specifically about this, how to get her to just sleep more at night and not use you as a paci. I will say that I night weaned my daughter at 23 months, and everyone said there was no way she was hungry in the middle of the night (she was small too), but to wean her we ended up having to get up in the middle of the night to feed her oatmeal. She was HUNGRY. Hopefully you have a support person who can help you with some ideas from that book (or somewhere else), and remember it takes time to make a difference.
K.
My daughter did this too. She was diagnosed FTT at 2 weeks, and did not put on weight easily, so I also nursed on demand too....seemed constantly! I did not want to use a paci for fear of nipple confusion (we dealt with that for a while), and I'm not sure if that is your reason as well for not using a regular one. What I did was to put Orajel on her gums before bed when I thought she was teething. And when she was just using me for a pacifier, I would take her off and snuggle her instead. It didn't always make her happy, but it seemed to help. What helped me the most was looking at the big picture....this is just a short time period (and will pass quickly), but you are teaching your daughter that she can always turn to you for comfort when she is hurting. You are doing a great job!!
If this helps it doesn't go on forever. My son did that when he was a baby.He has moved out and never calls. So much for me being his human pacifier. This too shall pass.
You are doing an awesome job!!!! Maybe you can try some hylands or orajel at night to help with the teething. the sophie giraffe is a great teether too. would you feel comfortable offering a sippy of water or a baby bottle with water during the night? She might get sick of it and just not get up. good luck mama!
Poor baby! Poor you! I second the suggestion for the No Cry Sleep Solution. That helped us out a lot. I don't think you are doing anything wrong by continuing to get up with her. I still get up with our almost one year old once in the night. They say she shouldn't be hungry, but she sleeps for 12 hours, 7pm-7am, and when she wakes up around 4am, I'm even hungry! And she eats 8-10oz at that feeding, so it's not just to nurse herself to sleep (though sometimes that happens if she wakes up around midnight). Don't feel guilty for babying her - she's still a baby. :) But knowing it's not working for you anymore, is a good reason to look for other options. Good luck!
