HELP! Can someone please help me figure out a "tactful" approach to explaining to my friend I cannot watch her 2 children while she is working. I have only watched her firstborn along with my baby. I was watching 2 kids under the age of one. She then found out she was pregnant again. So, right now she is taking an extended maternity leave, but is going to return to work in October. She will be working more hours which may pose a problem with me keeping her kids - my oldest is in elementary school and I drop her off in the mornings. Anyway, both of us were trying to figure out how we could make this work for both of us. My vehicle is not large enough to have 3 carseats and a school age child in it all at one time. In the meantime, I was becoming stressed out about my family's financial issues being I was not getting any babysitting money since July...so I started applying/searching for jobs. One just came through and I am stupid if I don't take the position which has a LOT of potential for advancement and benefits. How in the world am I going to tell my friend that I have decided to go back to work and that she needs to find other childcare? I mean, I have a baby/toddler which I am going to have to place in daycare...but I still feel extremely guilty like I am betraying her in some way. Any advice? Oh, and the job is going to probably start at the very end of September --my friend is not going back to work until mid/late October. Thanks!!!
I told my friend/broke the news to her --- I had gone over to her home for a visit and our kids were playing together...after awhile of small talk I asked her if she was still going back to work in mid-October which she replied she was; and, before I could share my news with her --she responded then that she and her husband had been discussing about making arrangements for in-home childcare (at their house) being that our schedules were not going to make it feasible for me to watch the kids steady everyday---so more or less she was letting me off the hook. She said she really wanted things to work out where I could've babysat; but she totally understood I needed to financially do what was best for my family. And, our friendship is not in jeopardy due to my choice! *Thank you all for your support and advice...it really helped me feel less anxious with telling her! Kudos to all of you!!!*
After breaking the news you may want to offer to combine efforts with her in finding a suitable childcare option for the both of you. It changes the conversation's focus from what you can't do to what you can do and puts you both in the same boat.
Definitely tell her ASAP so she has time to make other arrangements. Otherwise, be honest any good friend would appreciate that.
K.
just be up front with her that your money is tight & you need to do whats best for your family overall.
Just sit down with her and tell her. It is your life that you are living and you are not living life to assist her. If she is a good friend-then she will remain so. If not and she gets angry, then you may be hurt as well. Honesty is the best. Hopefully she will appreciate what you have done for her by keeping her child previously and support your decision. Good luck!
Let her know ASAP! She will have to find alternative care as soon as she can just as well as you do. I'm sure she'll understand, probably will be disapointed but, she would have to understand. Especially since it's mainly financial & it's a wonderful opportunity for you as well. Let her know it was a hard decision to make, but on your part as well, since you know you have to have so much time away from your own kids too...I would completey understand if it was to happen to me, even if it wasn't a friend, but I would appreciate as much notice as possible so that I could start looking for other care...Best of luck!
tell your friend that there is money problems and that you are getting a job and that she needs to take the children to the childcare while is she out. Tell her that she needs to understand your problems, your family comes first.
I have had the tendancy in the past to be a people pleaser and feel guilty easily if a friend was in need. All changes when you get married and/or have children. You pretty much answered your own question.
When things become challenging moms will find a way to make things work, just as you are having to do she will too. Just tell her you are sorry and repeat what you just told us. Just don't over apologize since you too have a family that depends on you.
"My vehicle is not large enough to have 3 carseats and a school age child in it all at one time."
" was becoming stressed out about my family's financial issues."
"I am stupid if I don't take the position which has a LOT of potential for advancement and benefits."
"I have a baby/toddler which I am going to have to place in daycare."
I would encourage you to share this with her ASAP. Let her know you feel you may be disappointing her, but you have a wonderful opportunity that you cannot paas up, and wanted to give her as much notice as possible. A true friend, although disappointed, will be happy for your good fortune. Maybe your kids can end up at the same daycare!
Pretty sure she won't be mad if you tell her that. she's a mom and she understands.
Tell her ASAP. Childcare is hard to find - especially good childcare. And most have a long waiting list. tell her ASAP. If she's really your friend, she WILL understand. She will be disappointed, but you HAVE to do what's best for you and your family, and being a working mother herself will understand that.
Just ask her to stay for coffee or something when she picks up the kids and have the conversation with her. It might help if you roleplay it by yourself or with your husband before approaching her.
Good luck!
I would sit her down and just let her know that you have accepted a position with (whatever company)and share with her the opportunity. Let her get excited for you, and then say, so that means that I won't be able to keep your children for you after you go back to work. Explain to her that you have struggled a little financially and that you really need and want to do this, she is a working mother helping to provide for her family and she should understand. Let her know that you just found out and wanted to give her the most notice. You could even suggest a couple places that you might be considering for your children. You are not letting her down, it would be unreasonable for her to be angry, and if she is then she might not be the friend you thought she was, but if she is then she might be a little disappointed, but it will work out. Just tell her as soon as possible I know if it were me, I would want the time to look around and find the best place possible. Good luck with your new job.
Just explain to her the way you did here, no room in the car, etc and also let her know that you have a great job oppurtunity! If she is truly a friend, she will understand and be supportive of your new oppurtunity. The sooner you tell her the better so she too can start looking for childcare. Good luck!
The most tactful way is do it NOW and keep it short and sweet. Something like:
“I know we’ve been talking about child care, but there is something I have to tell you. I’ve just been offered a job that I just can’t turn down. I start on X”.
The reasons don’t matter and just muddy the message. Also remember, your feelings of guilt don’t help or change the situation. I’m not saying your feelings aren’t valid, but you have to forgive yourself and allow yourself to grow in this new direction. If there is anything you can do to help her find a provider I’m sure it would be greatly appreciated.
Best Wishes and Good Luck,
M.
If this woman is a good friend then if you explain it like you did to us that it would be stupid for you to turn down the job then she should understand. I would just make sure that you do it NOW so that she does have enough time to find proper care for her children.
I think if she is a true friend then you being honest with her and
> tell her that your financial state has been a little stressful and you
> and your husband felt you taken on a job would help out the situation.
> I would also tell her that you planned on talking to her before you
> got a job to let her know you were at least looking or thinking about
> looking for a job or career, but an opportunity was there and you took
> it on the spur of the moment. If she is a true friend she will be a
> little sad because of the trust she has in you with her children but
> she will also be happy for you. I hope it works out for the best.
HEY Girl.... I had a friend who was gonna watch my little one for me. She was also a new mom her son was three months younger than mine. When i asked her she said she would but after starting to have some situtions of her own she didn't know if she would be able to do it full time for me. The thing is you just have to be honest. I would much rather my friend watch my child because i know her and it would have been about the same or cheaper, I wouldn't want to put more on her than what she could handle or was comfortable with. So on the othre side I would be honest! take her out to lunch or invite her over if its visable and be honest That's what friends do. Would you want her to be honest with you if the roles were reversed? Offer to help find something, which is what my friend did. Let her know you whole sitution.And tell you feel like your betraying her, And you'd love to help her but you'll be living with her before its over if you dont' do what you have to do! LOL She should understand! GOOD LUCK I hope this helped alitte.
