When It’s Time for Potty Training
There are many wonderful ways to help our kids think for themselves and help them become wiser. The following is a story about Harry, who learned, along with his family, that potty training can be fun, for both parent and child.
Little Harry lives in a house that has two bathrooms – one upstairs and one downstairs. One morning, his father said, “Hey, Harry! You want to use the upstairs potty or the downstairs potty?”
“Upstairs! Upstairs potty! Harry said.
A Love and Logic parent, his father smiled and said, “You want to have fun while we’re doing this, or not have fun?”
The great thing about choices with little kids is that they love making them – even when the options we give seem a bit silly to us. The decisions they make on their own make them feel important, leave them with a sense of control, and give them lots of chances to exercise their brains.
Harry looked at his dad as if he were crazy and giggled, “Fun! I want to have fun!”
“Great,” said his dad. “Do you want to bring a drink in with you, or do you want to wait until you’re done?”
“Wait till I’m done!”
“Do you want to bring Clarence, your stuffed sea otter, with us, or do you want to leave him?”
“Bring him!” Harry says, as he goes to retrieve his favorite stuffed playmate.
Now, Harry’s dad moves to the next step – modeling. Although some parents might find it a little embarrassing, modeling is the best way to teach your kids just about anything. Harry’s dad thinks it’s great.
“Hey! I really have to use the bathroom!” he says enthusiastically to his son. “Why don’t you come in with me? Let’s go. Let me show you how it’s done!”
He shows his son how he uses the bathroom. “This is so much fun! he laughs. “Someday when you’re big enough, I bet you’ll be able to use the potty like me! Then you can have fun, too! Boy! I love using the potty! I can even wipe myself! Check this out!” He flushes the toilet and waves, “Bye-bye!” as they look into the toilet.
The logic here is clear. Kids want to be like their parents. Whatever parents do, kids naturally want to be able to do, too. And if parents think it’s fun, kids will, too. So, parents have some choices when it comes to potty training:
• We can allow ourselves to become embarrassed and refuse to model this skill.
• We can fight with our kids over the issue and try to force them to be ready before they actually are.
• We can decide to have some fun, take the pain out of the process, and build strong relationships with our kids. How? Use lots of choices – and model, model, model!
When Parents offer choices, model, and make a task fun, learning happens quickly.
When Accidents Happen
If you know how to ride a bike, you probably remember falling a few times before finding the right balance. When we’re learning something new, accidents are bound to happen. So it is with out children when they are not potty-training age.
Successful parents dole out empathy and say, “Oh, you had an accident! That’s too bad! I love you, Sweetie.” They take their time and don’t rush anything, because there’s no set timetable for potty training. Every child has his or her own unique schedule of development.
Some children potty train at two, some when they’re four, and some at every age in between. It all depends on the child. A wise parent locks in empathy and waits for kids to develop the skill on their own. Then, when a child is successful, a parent can say, “You did it! I bet that feels great!”
Unsuccessful parents have a pattern, too. When their kids make a mistake, they get upset, or angry. They say, “You messed your pants again! That’s not nice! We don’t do that! Now you better learn how to do this right! You’re going to sit here until you use the potty!”
You can guess what happens. The child sees frustrated parents, and the child gets frustrated, too. Like any task we’re expected to perform under pressure, potty training becomes an undesirable chore. What a bummer!
-END-
This is directly from Chapter Two, Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood: Practical Parenting from Birth to Six Years by Jim Fay and Charles Fay, Ph.D. - www.loveandlogic.com
