Help Please! Nanny Needs Advice on Child Crying When I Leave for the Day :(

Perfectly normal. It is sad that they are gone so much when he is so little but that is life sometimes. Do you live anywhere near them? Perhaps one day he could head out the door with his parents and see where you are going. Just a thought. And sorry, I do not agree with this time out for crying. That's a mother who needs to re evaluate what kids are about.

My suggestion would be to work with mom and dad to ease the transition, via a new departure ritual at the end of the day. Let them come home, get settled in, then one of them should take him into another room and actually get him engaged in a story or playing something he enjoys. You gather your things, then only say a very quick "goodbye" at the door of that room and then leave immediately.

End of day transitions are often unpleasant. Either the child has been waiting for the parent all day and just emotionally unloads, or the child is not happy to see their caregiver--who has been their play buddy all day-- leave. When families I worked with had this problem, I really tried to see how we could minimize the parts of the transition which left the child feeling insecure. For example, when the child sees the parent and wants to connect, but the parent is checking in with me, this could cause upset and conflict for the kid as well as unpleasant attention-getting behaviors. So, we started a communication journal and I would put super-important stuff (like times medication was given or "bumped head on counter"...stuff we would tell the parent immediately)on post-its on the page, so mom could glance and get the most important stuff; she could read the rest later. This ensured that the parents were focused on the kids instead of me *when* the child needed them.

So, that's my suggestion- change the transition to meet his needs, and change how it happens if the family is willing. My guess is that he is in a habit of getting upset when mom and dad come home, so changing how/where that transition takes place may actually help him change his routine of falling apart when you go home. I hope this helps.

...This really rubbed me the wrong way...she puts him in time out for crying because he misses you? This is actually pretty normal for a baby to do. My friend who is a nanny had this happen multiple times. He spends more time with you...of course he will become attached. This is tough because I don't know if there is anything you can really do without overstepping. I know for me personally if I wasn't getting quality time with my kids and someone noticed I would love a heads up but it's hard to say without knowing her. Has the mom asked for help or advice? On the other hand I do agree with Alissafey with the whole idea of them making it a huge deal when they come home.

I would suggest the things that worked for me at daycare dropoff when mine were smaller.

1) Have an activity ready so that as soon as the parents get home, one of them can play with him. If he's involved in a fun activity with his mom or dad, he won't be so focused on you leaving (especially if the activity doesn't have a direct line of sight to the door).

2) Make the transition and your goodbye a quick as possible. As soon as they get home and start the game, you say goodbye and leave. No lingering, no chatting. Just go.

This may mean that you need to communicate differently, if you are using to spending time at the end of the day catching up with the parents and organizing for the next day. Maybe you come a few minutes earlier so you can do that in the morning before they leave, instead of in the evening. Or you talk to them on the phone after you leave. Or you write everything down, and they call you later if they have a question.

Could you change up the departure routine? Instead of you all standing around in the family room and him watching you walk out the door, perhaps start a puzzle with him and have Mom take it over while you quietly exit? Or sit him down for a snack or a short TV show or something that will hold his attention while you and Mom talk about the day and then you leave? We had a nanny when my girls were this age and we did a 15 minute overlap where we all sat on the floor and played (while our awesome nanny filed me in on the day). Then she'd get up to leave while my kids were engaged in whatever it was we were playing. She spent about seven hours a day with them and was a great nanny, but they never freaked out when she left. Maybe it's personalities, I don't know. Whatever it is, I'm so sorry you and he are dealing with this.

I'm so sorry! It's unfortunately a statement of the amount of thyme they're spending with their child. Yes it's developmental and it'll pass. But tr parents need to carve out a little more time to spend connecting with their kid. Just keep going and talk to the parents about not doing the time out. They should come home and make a big fuss about seeing the kids again. hugs, kisses, tosses in the air... They need to make their returnig really exciting and something to look forward too.

It's fun, in a way, to watch kids you care for to not want you to leave. I have seen kids hold the rocking horse and refuse to leave my child care. Or to the table. It made me snicker at the time. I know they're great parents too. But the kids are so happy when they're with us. You know, they love us so they do this. It always made me feel like I was accomplishing my goals. To make the kids as happy in my care/facility as they could be.

Just start that transition time earlier. He has mentally made you his family. He's with you more than them and he has transferred those feelings to you.

There's not much you can do except wait for him to outgrow this.

This is sounding like a transitioning issue, especially after a long day. It's clear that he enjoys spending time with you and I'm sure that he's thrilled to pieces when his parents get home... but at only two years old he has no clue how to express it when he's feeling overwhelmed and with no warning that they're about to come home.

He needs time to get used to the idea that they're coming home, and you'll be leaving, before they get home. Five or ten minutes isn't enough time. Start with 20-30 minutes reminding him every five minutes, and maybe even make some preparations with him for their arrival and your departure.

If that doesn't work then start preparing an hour early.

Talk about what he'd like to do and make this a daily script to follow and part of the routine.

aw, so sweet that he's so bonded to you, and so sad that the poor little fellow gets time out for crying. it's a pity the parents don't understand children better. it would be so much more helpful for them to be calm and sympathetic to him.
you've got a good long history with the family. is there a possibility of sitting down with them and suggesting they try a less stringent approach? it's very natural, of course, for the parents to be upset and this seeming preferential feeling from their baby, but no 2 year old can be expected to have adult reactions. if they could just see their way clear to telling him 'i know, sweetie, we're all sad to C. go. let's wave bye-bye to her! blow her a kiss! we get to see her again tomorrow!' and let him express himself, he'll soon move through this phase.
good nannies are above pearls!
khairete
S.

Aw, that is hard. He will outgrow this...it is normal and just a part of being that age. I'd sit down with the parents and give them a plan. Tell them something like, it makes me upset when Stevie gets a timeout when he is sad when it's time for me to leave. This is perfectly normal for his age bc we have a good bond and he feels close to me. This is a good thing. Of course he loves his mom and dad, he is just having a hard time with the transition of me leaving. With this plan I've come up with, it will help him with the transition and eventually he will out grow this behavior. Then tell them what you will do each day to help him with the transition and how you think they should handle it when they get home.

Here are a few things that we did:

1. I kept a calendar that the nanny would use to document. (I wanted to know about his food intake and bowel movements--and I wanted it on record. But I also wanted to get right to nursing and re-connecting with him ALONE.)

2. She would call me on her way home if we needed to communicate further.

3. While I would get comfortable (undress, grab a snack, whatever I needed to help me settle in), she would take him for a walk or finish up an activity with him.

4. She would sit him down for a snack while she washed dishes or something, before my arrival. That way, he had already started detaching.

Maybe she's putting him in timeout because she is not prepared to handle him immediately upon her arrival. A timeout seems really harsh to me, unless he's kicking the walls. She's coming off dealing with whatever her day was and then traffic. Now, she's walking in to a screaming baby, not to mention how that can make a mama feel when her baby cries in her arms for someone else. Maybe you can let her get in and get comfortable--change clothes, use the bathroom, take off her make-up--not sure what kind of time you have. Mommy might need a period of transition, too. While you're updating her, let her be the one to tend to him. Let him see his mother taking over even before you leave.

Maybe you can talk with him about an hour before you leave. Just keep saying, "I have to leave in a little bit, I don't want you to get in trouble for crying. I will be thinking of you and I will see you tomorrow. Be a big boy for me and don't cry. I will give you a hug before I leave."

You have to start looking for a new job. They resent you but are taking it out on your little charge.