Help Stop the Whinning and Repeat

I too am an older Mom to a 2 1/2 year old boy. I started to pick him up when he whines, look him in the face and ask him to look at me while I remind him that he can now use his words to talk even though I can't give him what he wants all the time. The other thing to do when he is verbalizing his words is to ignore the whining and also try distraction or explanation to him about alternatives to what he wants.

Hi D., I know how frustrating that can be. Have you told him he only has to say it once? Maybe he needs to get out and see some other children. Do you respond to him when he asks for something? I hope it is just a stage. My best, Mary

Question...do you acknowledge him when he speaks to you the first time? I know you may be in the middle of something and thinking you said something but I find my little guy will repeat until he his acknowledged...he will say "Hi Papa" 10 times til I finally say to my father inlaw..."He's talking to you!" and the moment my father in law says hello back my son is satisfied and moves on...another thing I have done with the boys is I tell them ask me once, if you continue to ask the answer will change to NO...I did this for my sainity as well and it works, even with the little ones it just takes practice...as for the wanting a drink, at 2 and 1/2 he should be able to go get it himself...I keep everything low on the fridge shelf or on the counter where they know where it is...they always have to ask first but then if I say yes they can get their own water...children at this young age really just want to be heard and to please you so if you can acknowledge them immediately(that doesn't mean jump to their whim, just let them know they are heard)and if you explain that it hurts your feelings or makes you angry when they keep repeating they will stop...My kids are only allowed to ask once and they caught on quickly once I said no after they asked again...(another trick I use is asking a question back...like "how many mommy's do you see?" or "how many hands do I have?" or "what am I doing?"...this gets them focused on something else and I go from there..."when my hands are done with the dishes they can pick you up...") Good luck!

Practice with him~ Acknowledge him the first time he asks, but say "please wait until Mommy does_______ and then I will play with you" Do something quick (less than a minute) and remind him that when you're done you'll play with him. Then when you do play with him, praise him for being patient and waiting for you and play up how fun it is. Do this several times a day & increase the time a bit(and of course, don't make him wait sometimes) and hopefully he'll learn. Kids learn by doing, so roleplaying may help. You can even act it out w/ dolls, trucks, action figures, etc.
BUT if he whines for a toy/candy/etc, do not give in. If you said no and then he continues to whine and whine and then you give in to make the whining stop, it will only get worse. You'll just have to deal w/ the whining at first, but when he knows you mean business and aren't going to give in, he'll stop.
Good luck!

We have found success with our 2 yr old by teaching her sentences that she can help us complete, i.e. she used to get very upset when she dropped something (anything) and now when she drops something, we say "when you drop something you" and she completes the sentence "pick it up, and it's ok!". Something about her talking about it really helps. Maybe you could try something similar with the repeating, like you say "when you want something, you only need to" and he could finish the sentence "ask once!". Regarding whining, I have read that parents tell their kids that they won't respond to whining, only to his regular voice. So when he whines, you say "regular voice, please" which will teach him that his regular voice is the voice that gets results. And then praise him whenever he does use his regular voice.
good luck!

Maybe you can make sure he is occupied and has something to play with before he can ask.. same with the juice.

Dear D.,
I understand where you are coming from. I also have a 2-1/2 r. old boy, who is an only child, and acts this way sometimes. First of all, if you do not like this behavior, DO NOT reward it by giving him what he wants when he is whining. Teach him that he can not get what he wants when he uses that tone of voice, a.k.a whining. Show him by example how to ask for something, ex: "Gimmme that now!" needs to sound like "can I have __ please" or whatever style works for your household. Then, if after he asks nicely, and you say no, then he can feel upset. Someone told me that they handled this by saying "Whining hurts my ears" while covering their ears when the kid whined, and then showed them how to ask in a nice way.

Also try using humor to break the dynamic. When my son starts repeating "I want firetruck" over & over, even after I say "I will get you firetruck after I finish___," the only thing that can get through to him when he is in that wanting mode is to look him the eye and say "You want firetruck?" and make a joke of it so he feels like I am responding to him, "Where is firetruck? Is it in your ear?" and he'll laugh and say "no." Then after I minute of sillyness, I have his attention and then i can tell him " I will get firetruck after i finish ___." It's important to follow through on your promise, because my after son shows restraint-you can bet he's watching and waiting until I am done with __. This is how trust is built.
I bet he just wants to your attention, and if you can give him a few minutes of your sole attention and let him know you hear his request, maybe he will feel assured that you are looking out for him.
Good Luck
N.

I have 3 kids ages 2, 4 and 6 so I have a *little* experience with this. I tell my kids to use their best voice. I tell them that I can't understand them unless they use their best voice. Catch him using his best voice so he knows what it sounds like.
Good luck!

Hello D.,
I had to deal with a much older whiner (she was 7 when I entered the picture) and this is what worked best for me. When she would whine I would not do what she asked, in fact I would not listen to her at all. I know it may sound harsh but the only way to get a child to stop negative behavior, in my opinion, is to not give into it. I would respond calmly with, "I am sorry but I do not understand when you whine, how about asking me in your big girl voice". Sometimes that helped, sometimes it did not. After a while I would just ignore any request that was delivered in "whine". As for the asking over and over again I used to stop it (and still have to unfortunately) with what my mom would always say "if you ask again the answer will be no". That seemed to work, but you must stand firm on the no's. After a few times the child should start to understand that they will have to ask for things properly and wait for a response. Hope this helps.

Dear D.,

I just have to say that I relate to everything in your post -- whiny toddler, only son, becoming a mom late in life, realizing only then how hard it is, and needing to work to stay sane -- everything!

I haven't found a surefire solution yet, but here are some of the things that work for me, well, close to half the time:

"I don't understand you when you use that voice. Will you use your nice voice, please?"

"Can you say 'please'?" (I didn't expect this to work, but just giving my son something else to do or say helps break the wining/repetition cycle.)

"If you can be patient until I count to 20, then you can have it." (Doesn't work if you're trying to finish a phone call, obviously, but works in some contexts, esp. with my little math boy, who just likes to listen to people count.)

I've also found that it helps to pay attention to the contexts in which children whine. For example, I just recently figured out that my son is very whiny and demanding if he's with my husband and me both, esp. in the car. I think he thinks we'll be dropping me off at work, so it's a combination of an insecure situation and people he feels comfortable with.

Finally (and please forgive me if this sounds disrespectful; it isn't intended that way at all), it's important for us as parents not to whine *to* our children. I don't mean that you're in any way a whiny person, but at some point I think every mom says something like "honey, will you pleeeeeease just quiet down for a MINute and let me THINK...." or something like that. And children do learn very quickly "If I'm feeling frustrated, that's the voice I should use."

Best of luck,

Mira

if he only whines with you , then its something your doing.

If he whines say , I can't understand you can you please talk normally.until he does

When he asks for something, SAY ok GO and get it.

( I place juice boxes and snacks on the lower cabinette so they can reach it themselves.)

If he continues to whine, you put him in his bed, set the egg timer, and then its over
2.5 minutes for a 2.5 year old
3 minutes for a 3 year old ect..

Each day I set aside play time with my kids.

usually around 9am til 10 am.

we read, color, draw, whatever.

After 10 I put on the tv and they relax or play quietly.

1130 they eat their lunch

and 12 is nap time. even if they aren't tired they get into bed and lay there.

then I do whatever i want to do, clean up, watch a show, get on the comp.

a 2 they wake up

and relax watching a show, and eating a snack

then they play.usually outside.

I am relaxing watching them play, OR I teach them to play something.

at 430-5pm I start dinner.

everything is very routine, so i rarely have problems

they usually only whine if they are tired or the roiutine has been broken.

Try a more schedule routine. which includes play time and snack aswell as time for you.

M

EDIT:

Just read some of the others comments, and I am a firm believer in not with holding food and juice
this teaches them nothing. except that they won't eat until they are quite.

However, you do teach patience by being patient yourself.

Adults have difficulty being patient, for instance you feel impatient that he cannot wait 5 minutes till you finish what you are doing.
( because you want to finish what you are doing)

you find it annoying he doesn't understand.

however he does understand

he understands that you will keep him waiting 5 minutes unless he pushes you to get his juice righ now.
( I would consider him smart)

I have learned in my 12 years of mother hood that if you give your child 15 minutes of immediate attention they will in return give you atleast 1 hour of uninterupted time to yourself.

teaching you child how to sustain him self will go along way to helping him become more independent,

also setting boundaries will help him understand his limitations.

the timer helps him manage time

and the bedromm is or should be a comfort zone.

hope this helps

m

Relax! You have a perfectly "normal" 2 1/2 year old. Whinning and perseveration (repeatind demands) are a part of being 2 1/2. If it's ok with you, give him more of whatever but don't give in to his demands just to stop his whinning!
Try diversion tactics by drawing his attention to something else or engaging him in some activity. For now, you are his world and he will do whatever it takes to get your attention, positively or otherwise! You can not really teach a child this young to "be patient" but you can divert him.

D. your son is learning to communicate and right now uses the only way he knows how. If he has had juice and whines for more distract him by playing with his trucks with him. Talk about his trucks, name them for him and ask him to get the dump truck for you. the tow truck etc. He wants your attention and wants to feel connected. Also You have to teach him positive ways to communicate and tell him if he whines he wont get his way. But he probably wont understand whining so you have to explain it to him and reward him when he asks in a normal voice.

I understand what you are going through. My last of three is a whinner. At 46... and since he started it drove me insane. The way to show patience is to be patient yourself. Children generally have a sense of how we feel and act accordingly ...and not in a good way. Try not giving him what he wants when he whins...but ask him to say it nicely. Reiterate that if he ask something and he whins he will not get it. Try the,"when you do that I can't understand what you are saying". That usually works. But , him being a 2-1/2 half year old...well...you still have a couple of years ahead of you.

Hi D.,
I had a son that was a whinner and presistent on what he wanted. He would always try to ware me down with the continued repeating. He was diagnosied with ADD and was true to the symptons.
I had to learn to pick my battles and to be consistent in my answers. I have two girls and I always felt that my son was a bigger whinner then the girls...he still is..LOL. My kids are now 30, 27 and 24. My son is 24. He's doing great now but was not easy to deal with often. I did do time out with him and that did work. Kids with ADD will never let you think that you got the better of them. If I put him in time out he'd say, "Mom this is great, I'm so tired and I needed the relaxing time." I would totally ignore him as if he didn't exist. Sometimes I would give him chores to do if he wasn't behaving like cleaning windows. His comments were, "Mom this is great..I love to clean windows I wish I could do this all the time!" It was his way of trying to get to me because I got to him. ADD kids are relentless in their wants and needs but you have to pick out what is important and go with that. You son may not have ADD, I don't want to be a Dr but that was my experience with whinning and repeating. Just be consistent, "PATIENT" (that's the hardest)and help him however you can with your love and wisdom. You can get lots of information on ADD and you can talk to your Pedetrician. Also, your son is 2 it could just be that he's 2 but my son started then.Good Luck D.

Hi D.,
So I'm new at this whole mothering thing too...but what works for us is we ask our daughter to use her words. Does it always work? Nope but she's starting to get it. She knows that if she whines we're going to keep repeating that she needs to use her words and as soon as she does she gets what she's asking for (food, drink, etc). Sometimes if it's something like her Cinderella video for the 5 thousandth time (ok so I'm exaggerating a little) we give her a time point to look for. Like "we can't watch it now but as soon as we are done with dinner, or once we have cleaned up and put on our PJs" so she knows when to expect it.

Hope this helps you! (And I totally understand about the job and sanity...I tell people that sometimes I come to work to get some rest!)

Kristal