Help to Keep from Losing My Mind..

Bless you, M., and hang in there. It will eventually get better. We all go through periods like this, but they do not last forever.

Hey M., I just want to let you know that you are not alone. We all go through those times when we feel like we are pulled in too many directions at once. My advice to you is to find something that is only about you! Make a lunch date with your girlfriends, go scrapbooking, take a walk by yourself. We as mothers tend to forget that we are also women and individuals. I wish you the best and hope that things calm down for you soon!!

God Bless
A.

Wow, you have a lot going on right now. I know how you're feeling.

There are so many different types of stress management techniques. (Massage, exercise, yoga, The Relaxation Response, meditation, journaling, guided visualization CD's, pranayama, Healing Touch, Theraputic Touch, EFT, etc. and so on). The trick is to find the one that works for you and fits into your schedule.

One of the quickest methods is to focus on your breath for 5 minutes every morning when you wake and every evening before you sleep. You don't have to breath in any specific manner, just notice the breath as it goes in, the moment before you breath out, then notice as you exhale, the moment before you inhale again then repeat. It is normal to find your thoughts wandering, don't worry about that, just bring your attention back to breath.

The first time you try this you may find that your mind wandered more than it focused on the breath during that 5 minutes, but that is fine. Over time this will change.

Good luck!!

M.,
We all have something that we go through.. I am at the end of my rope with doctors that cannot figure out what is wrong with my husband. We have been to every specialist in the area.
Anyway, try to find something that will allow you to relax. Maybe when your husband has a day off plan a day where you can run errands, visit with a friend, go out for coffee, etc. without the kids. All by yourself. My husband does that for me on one of his days off and it just rejuvenates me and allows me to face whatever is going on at home.
Don't ever feel sorry about venting. We all need to do it sometime, if not we'll all go crazy :)

Hi Poor Girl. I am 57 and have a masters degree. I value education highly. But my sage advice to you is to quit school right now for a few years until your children are older. You have put too much on your plate. Clear it. You are bringing the unneeded stress upon yourself. Dont do it. School can wait. Children cannot.

Dealing with four boys is a job in itself. I think that you are doing a wonderful job holding everything together. Venting helps us all. My life is on the sucking list right now and some days are better than others. I just try to find a small bit of positive in things. Sometimes it helps and sometimes crying works best. Just hang in there and be strong for your kids, your family, and yourself.

Well, obviously it is never dull! And look how you help the medical profession keep going in this economy! (No, don't think about that too hard. It doesn't make sense.)

Seriously, I can identify with your situation. There are times when all the events are so piled up that the only thing you can do is either laugh or cry! Crying, after the first minute or so, can be counterproductive. Laughing at your situation, and at yourself, can be a way to let out some of the frustration.

Looking for the humor in what happens - and for the good in everything - doesn't mean you won't have as much to do (sorry); it may mean, though, that you can do it in a little bit healthier way. It's just hard to laugh and be angry at the same time.

Do you personally know some folks who are good at seeing the funny side? Take lessons from them. Seriously.

I can also feel your fatigue right through the computer screen as I read your words, so the more moments of rest you can grab for yourself, the better. Now, there's something you could laugh about - picturing yourself trying to rest. :^D

So you are going to school, have health issues and a husband with health issues? And all of your responsibilities with four kids too! Wow, I would be angry, scared and frustrated too! All I can say is there any way to cut back on your resonsibilities? Maybe your health is out of balance because you are constantly stressed! Are you going to school full time? Can you cut back at all? I know it is important but your kids are only little once! Can you ask your husband to help a little, eeven just some small tasks would be so great! And by all means, the 10, 5 and four year old can help out, work as a team! It really is not fair for one person to do all the house work! My kids fold laundry, feed the dog, unload the dishwasher, do dishes, clean their rooms, vaccum, you name it! We have a family meeting every week and they can choose their chores. We use our love and logic and say if they don't want to do it they can pay us $1 for each chore, and it works! Hang in there mom, you are so not alone, and sometimes we just need to let go of some thing's, it will be ok! And remember you need at least 8 hours of sleep, eat healthy foods and heal your body!

I can totally relate, Aside from the medical issues. (thank gooness we have not had any of those) I feel this way too. I am married, have 4 kids, and a mom who constantly needs my attention (she is like my 5th kid) this last week I too thought I was going to explode. So I decided to take a short trip to Idaho to visit my sister whom I had not seen in a few months. I left the kids home with daddy, turned off my phone so that my mom could not track me down. It was just overnight, we went to a concert, and then breakfast the next morning before I headed back home to spend Easter with my family. Moral of the story... take some well deserved ME time!!!! Easier said than done, I know!! Even if it's just a walk, a movie, or a pedicure, you deserve it. Also tell people NO when you can not do something for them. I think thats why I was feeling so drained. Everyone always wants or needs things from us and we put ourselfs on the back burner. Hope this helps. Good luck to you.

just like the airlines say, put your mask on first, before helping others. You have to take care of yourself, so that you can have some energy and strength left to take care of everyone else. Finding the time to do that can seem impossible, but having a breakdown would be worse! Talk to your husband about making some time for you - one evening or morning, whatever works in the family schedule - if he can't take the kids, get a babysitter or a mother's helper. Take a bath, get a manicure, or just sleep - whatever will rejuvenate you. See your friends, read a book, take a yoga class. Do it every week. This is medicine, not being selfish. I'm a marriage and family psychologist and this is a crucial thing I tell couples.

So the next thing is to be sure you have couple time as well. Make a date night - no kids! make sure you have time for sex, but also to go out to dinner, movies, to talk and to be friends - all the reasons you got together in the first place and started having those awesome boys!!

take care, S.

As everyone has said, you are not alone. We do not all go through the exact thing, but we can feel your pain. The biggest thing I can say like everyone, figure out a time to be alone, if only for a couple of hours. Maybe part time day care, even if you pay a teenager to come spend a couple of hours in your house after school, at least once a week. Preschools have subsidized day care, if money is an issue, and a lot of church preschools, will help with money issues if you need it. Call around and see what you can find. Remember to ask for help from those around you, just think, what comes around, goes around. They help you now, and maybe you can return it later.

wow, you have been through a lot this year. I hope you give yourself credit for all that you are going through and that it's okay to feel overwhelmed! Be gentle with yourself. my sister is always telling me this...do you have family in the area that could take the kids one night a week? or a friend who wouldn't mind helping out for a while? if you have the finances for it could you hire someone to come in and help clean your house once a week or every other week? find some ways to eleviate some of the stress for you and for your husband right now. Send your kids off for play days all on the same day? When it rains it pours. Remember though it passes. (I hate when people say that but it's still true...so sorry for that hate part but...it is what it is) sometimes we have to get creative in ways to care for ourselves. your school, does it have free counseling? maybe just a moment to go in and vent a bit and get some perspective could help.
for the kids, if you had a game night once a week, or a movie night that they have to look forward to, they can't lose it, it isn't a priveledge it's just something you always do as a family. it sounds like your family is being pulled in so many directions you probably are having a hard time reconnecting. We've started doing this recently, and it really is helping bring us together as a family again. Even if everyond doesn't choose to play the game we all hang out in the same room and talk, spend time together. No talk of chores or grades etc. just a fun night for the family.
I'm running on empty a lot right now too--I make sure my dh gets a bowling 'date' with our BIL at least every other week, some guy time away to not have to carry all the issues and I go out with some girlfriends at least once a month, it makes a HUGE difference and we are both willing to step in for the other to go since we know they are going to do the same for us.
We don't always make it out on a date, but we snuggle for 15 minutes a day. it helps us reconnect emotionally. we don't even talk most of the time just sit there with each other and have a quiet moment.
my husband is gone a lot with the military so we are always getting ready to be seperated or getting used to being back together which has unique challenges of its own the snuggle time is probably the best thing we've put into out marriage.
and I don't get as much sleep as I should because I get "quiet" time after everyone has gone to bed...I'm still working on how to get that in without being up until 2 on momma source lol.
Hang in there--hopefully you can find some fun reprieves to help you through this challenging time.

I feel for you, M.. You are not alone... i also have a ton on my plate that makes every day really really hard right now. Sounds like you REALLY need some help with the kids once in a while to give you a break, so you can get some real R&R time. Is there any way you could have a friend or relative help so you can do something for yourself, whatever that is - a nap, a walk, a movie, reading a book you like, etc, maybe once a week or more? Even an hour here and there might help you. If you are feeling like everyone is sucking the life out of you, I think you really need to find ways to take care of yourself because if you do, then you'll have more reserves, patience, and enjoyment of life with your family - that will be better for everyone.

Believe me, I know how hard it is to do that. We sometimes pay our middle one (who is 11 and a great babysitter) to watch our almost-4 year old while my husband I do something, like last night we watched a movie upstairs while the girls played and decorated eggs. It was a 2-hour retreat. There might be a middle or high-school girl nearby who could help with your kids even while you are home.

Also, I definitely agree with Genesa's advice about enlisting the help of your kids. That's so important. I was shocked to discover that our littlest one is a great cleaner. She loves to clean her room!

Good luck to you, and hang in there.

Oh my goodness, I know almost exactly how you feel! My husband had surgery at the middle/end of January, and the next day my son came down with strep. After 6 weeks of constant sickness (which was passed to my daughter as well, of course!) my son had his tonsils out; my daughter gets hers out tomorrow, and we are also in the process of getting ready to move and getting all of the lease details finalized. Add to this the student loans, routine bills, and worry about the old car giving out, our house is a little stressful right now! I'm so glad you felt you could vent on this site, sometimes it feels so much better just to say everything that is bothering you. You've gotten a lot of good support and advice, much of which I will try as well. I would also add a suggestion that you pray/meditate every day as well. In addition to having R&R time for yourself, prayer and/or meditation allows you to connect with a higher power and hand some of the struggle over to God to handle. Good luck with everything you are going through!

I am sorry things seem to keep getting worse. I have been there and can definitely relate. <<<HUGS>>>

I recommend reading a book called "The Secret". It is a GREAT book that informs people about life and how we control it through our thoughts. It truly is a life-changing book and one that can be read over and over again.

Have a GREAT day & think POSITIVE!

S.

Dear M.,
There are times in our life that we get "overloaded". You have to do all of the laundry, the errands, grocery shopping, being a good mom and a supportive, loving wife. As mom's we wear many hats. And if you did not feel stressed it would be abnormal ;0)!

You are constantly dealing with life and while that is your job for all of these rolls it makes it especially hard when DH is not awake for most of it because of his hard work schedule. Then as emergency situations arise you are even more stressed. GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK!!!! As a SAHM of 4, you have to realize while you CAN do everything if there is something that rubs you the wrong way it is OK to vent. It is ok to get upset. But you must realize you are a great mom, loving wife that at that time you have just become overloaded & need to step away for a few minutes to refresh.

Make the older kids do more. Ironic I say this because it has been so hard for me to do myself, but once I started it has really eased my life. Your 10 year old can do so many things. Team up the 5 & 4 year olds. They can make a game out of it. For example. Whoever picks up the most clothes & puts them in the dirty laundry wins. At the end of the week whoever has the most gets something extra special ($1-2, extra healping of his favorite food, a couple pieces of candy) But don't leave out the other little guy. But next time he will strive to catch up with his brother. Make a chart of "do able" chores for the kids & keep tabs so they can see there accomplishments!

No matter what type of day you have had at the end of the day reflect on yourself & remember. This is YOUR family, remember how much you love them & no matter what each day brings they LOVE you & CHERISH you!

M.,
I'm sorry that you and your family are going through this- you are not alone!!! My suggestion that might help would be to talk to your husband about getting some you time where you can go get some coffee or relax by yourself- I know it helps me if I can get some time to myself, even if it's just 30 minutes or so. GL and you can vent anytime!!! :-)

Wow, thats alot to deal with and i am sorry you have to go through all of that. Please remember you are only human and everyone needs a little help now and then. Take some time for you, even if its just a few quiet moments in the bath. you cant take care of your family if you dont take care of you first. good luck and my prayers are with you.

Hello M. first off i want to tell you that you are a strong and amazing women you seem to be takeing on the world. and i no that seems so hard trust me i completely understand i have a husbend in the usmc and a verry hiper high strung 3 year old so i can relate. what i do that works great for me is keep a jurnal wright down everything every emotion your feeling sad mad happy whatever it may be, because once you have released some of that stress even on paper its gunna make you fill like you have released a huge amount off your shoulders. also i think its great that your going to school adn doing something for yourself the worst thing you could do at this time is alow yourself to put yourself on the back burner so keep up the great work with school and everything. it sounds to me like your a pretty great mom and wife and that you are doing everything you can at this time dont alow yourself to forget that and youll be ok

M.,
I just wanted to add my prayers and Blessings for you and your family.

My husband calls it "Walmart therapy"; when I am SO stressed I just need to get away I do any shopping that needs to be done BY MYSELF. I may spend three hours wandering aisles and getting the things we need but it is MY TIME. Every Mom needs time away from the kids, especially when you are so stressed and frustrated.

You can also go to a park and read or sit in peace. Just get out of your house. Ask a friend or relative to give you one afternoon a week or even every two weeks. They are usually happy to do what they can for you and it really helps!