Help with My STRONG Willed Soon to Be 2 Year Old-bedtime

E. - my 2 year old is VERY strong willed however has never been a good sleeper. For the past month I have started story time. We read for about 30 minutes before bedtime (TV off, no interuptions if possible). Sometimes he is ready to go to bed and if not we sign a few songs together and then I put him into bed. This seems to allow him to "wind down" as he can get really ramped up around bedtime. I also use a sound machine by his bed to allow sound to help him go to bed. Some nights are harder than others. Stay firm and consistant in your bedtime routine and your daughter will adjust. Kids crave routine. Keep up the good work!!

I wish I had advice for you. Our 3 year old has developed a fear of the dark and needs Mommy or Daddy to get him to sleep every night. Our daughter needs to be held to fall asleep, so we haven't mastered the art of getting a child to bed.

I do know that our pediatrician has said that it is normal for a child to go through many different periods of good vs. not so good sleep patterns. I have a feeling you're experiencing a phase of wants, perceived needs on her end, and some separation anxiety.

I hope you get some good advice. Wish I had more to give.

This usually happens at 2 years old... a time of flux and mega changes in a child. It passes. Its a phase. But I know its not easy in the meanwhile.

Just keep to a routine... and keep consistent.
At that age, my daughter liked to sleep on the floor... or in the living room. We let her... at least she got sleep that way and PEACEfully. The phase passed then she went back to her regular routine. No problem. We just stayed consistent, while being "flexible" and did not scold/bribe/punish/reward. Just stated the facts and tried to "help" her communicate things... if she needed comfort then we did that. ALSO, yes, beginning at this age... they start to develop night-mares and night-time "fears." Its ALL developmental based... so we can't just stop their imaginations. ALL kids go through that. Even I did. They will not be sleeping with you all their lives. Their sleep patterns will change ALL THE TIME, at each age juncture and per their cognitive and physical development. ie: growing pains for the child. Its not easy for them either. My girl, didn't do it on purpose.

All the best,
Susan

Hi E.,
I have read several books on sleep so this is a compilation of what I have learned.
First, it sounds like your daughter may need a bit more wind down time at the end of the day. I would suggest having a night time routine that starts about an hour before her bedtime. Turn off the TV, put on some quiet relaxing music, give her a bath with lavender essential oils, read her a quiet story, and then put her to bed. The key is to bring down the stimulation level as low as possible to allow her an opportunity to wind down.
It also sounds like she may have discovered independence. I would suggest buying a baby gate to go in front of her bedroom door (or two on top of each other) and then explain to your daughter that if she leaves her bed that you will have to put up the gates. You may have to put them up for a few nights, but eventually she will comply and you can take down the gates.
If you find that she may need even more wind down time, she may be over tired. If this is the case, I would suggest putting her to bed 15-30 minutes earlier than her typical bed time. If she goes down easily you know that this is the case and you may have to permanently adjust her bed time to give her adequate sleep.
Also, if she is a very active girl and still needs more time to wind down, have her bring a small pile of board books to bed and allow her to look at them quietly on her own until she falls asleep.

Hi E.,
Yes, it does sound like you have a strong willed child. Has anything changed in her life? Even the smallest things can disrupt their lives. If you don't want her to be in your bed, then don't let her. How long do you let her have the fit before you give in? She knows that you will eventually give in if she keeps doing it. You just have to stick to your guns NO MATTER WHAT!!! Knock on your neighbors door and tell them what you are doing because it may take days of her screaming and bumping into walls before she learns that you are not going to give in. It may be the hardest thing you will have to put up with, but the end result will be worth it.
I have a great on-line book about how to get your child to sleep through the night. It's called Sleep Sense Program. I had horrible issues with my daughter and this book gave me the tools to fix the problem. I actually realized that my daughters issues were created by me. It was a horrible process, but now she sleeps through the night and it is wonderful. I know the sleeping through may not be your issue, but it does cover a bunch of other topics. It's a wonderful book. Please email me at ____@____.com and I will forward it to you (or anyone else who might need it).
I hope you have a wonderful holiday and I hope to hear from you soon!
M.

Hi E.,

I had to stop naps at 2 years old because my son wouldn't go to sleep at night. Maybe she's not tired when you put her to sleep because she had a nap during the day? Try adjusting the schedule to see if that works. If that's not the problem, has she been having bad dreams? Is she getting teeth?

Good luck!

Bless your poor soul. PLEASE let me know what works for you as I'm currently going thru almost the same thing.

As I write, my 2 yr old has been yelling behind his baby gate for the past hour after I reached my breaking point, couldn't take it any longer and told him he had to figure out how to nap and fall asleep in his bed on his own. He had a bath/story/bedtime routine for when he was in his crib, but he'd never been good at going down and it still took him a good 10-20 minutes of rolling around/rearranging his blanket and pillow/crying to fall asleep, even when he wanted to go to bed. Of course, for the past 3 weeks in his new toddler bed, the old routine doesn't work, and my husband is majorly flipping out and doing his own screaming if I let our son cry, so I've ended up having to sit or lie with our son on his floor to get him to fall asleep (otherwise I have 2 persons flipping out on me at night when I'm exhausted and sleep deprived and still have my own work to do), then our son will wake up between 2-5am and scream for me behind the baby gate (that is up to actually keep the dog out of the room), until I pick our son up and put him in bed with us to fall back asleep (again, otherwise the hubby flips out).

OMG, I'm so ashamed to admit sleeping has come to this after all the posts I've written about staying strong. I should say that I had to sleep train AND wean my son when he was 15 mos. by just telling him it was time and cutting him off and doing the CIO. I had to do it because of a business trip, and thankfully it only took 3 days and in the end, he seemed happier and more independent for it. Sorry to those opposed to CIO, but gentler methods only seemed to make my son worse. Cutting him off this time can't work because of the hubby situation.

Ok, I think he's finally asleep now (1 1/2 hours later--yes, I know it's only a nap...) So, deep breath and since I just can't take it any longer, here's what I'm going to do:
I'm just going to talk to my son this evening, tell him he's a big boy and needs to sleep in his boy bed now, on his own, because that's what big boys do. We'll do his normal bath/story bedtime routine, but if he gets out of his room, I'm just going to pick him up, give him a quick kiss on the cheek without letting him look at me, put him back in bed, and say, "I love you. It's time for bed." Then I'm going to leave...and keep doing it 20 times until my son gets it. I really can't let him stand at the baby gate to cry, because he'll pull out toys and start throwing them at the dog in the hall, plus the hubby will go nuts too. Plus, the kiddo JUST figured out how to drag a toy box to the gate to climb up--ok, that was pretty brilliant of him :-) Oh well. Wish me luck.

I'll let you know in a few days if it helps. Christmas preparations be ____@____.com^*d. All I want for Christmas is some sleep!

I'm truly thinking of you and hope you find something that works too. Let me know.