How to Make Our 2 y.o Fall Asleep in His Bed!

Hello,

My husband and I always cuddle & read the children a book when they go to bed. This is a personal issue, as this is what we "want" to do, as we enjoy the time shared with our little-ones as much as they enjoy having us there. We aren't in a hurry to watch TV or to do anything else. We consider this time spent with the children very special. Our oldest is 10 and this is the time he opens up to us about things that happened in his day, etc. I wouldn't trade it for the world! And yes, he can go to sleep on his own!

All three of our kids fall asleep peacfully as they know we are there for them. And just an FYI, being there for them hasn't created monsters out of them or started any bad habits! They all fall asleep nicely!

Your son might be struggling as he knows you will leave him, therefore resisting going to sleep. He is still so young and needs the security of his mommy or daddy. Try cuddling and reading to him and he should go to sleep before you know it. If he continues to struggle, he might not be tired enough. In that case you might need to adjust his nap schedule or put him to bed later.

People do go the other route and just put their chilren to bed, leave and let them cry it out. Eventually they give up and go to sleep. This method is not for me or my husband so we never considered it. Again it is a personal choice.

Good luck & be patient!

2 years old is a hard age... for sleep. As you can tell.
The main thing is to have a CONSISTENT routine. Everynight.
AND, allow him to "wind-down" pre-bed. Because kids naturally have a lot of 'energy' to expel, before bed.

For me, it takes me about 1/2 hour to wind down my kids, before bed or a nap.
We make everything quiet, we only leave on 1 dim light, change into jammies, brush teeth, then sit down to a book or a calm mellow "Little Bear" video. Then at the same time, I give my kids a verbal forewarning... ie: "sleep time in 10 minutes" etc. What I found is that kids don't like to be or feel 'rushed.' So I give them mellow verbal warnings about it. Then they know what is coming up.

Also, my son who is now 2.5 years old, has his 'own' routine before he will actually go to bed and lie down...which is he likes to go upstairs and hang-out with Grandma for a few minutes. I learned not to 'rush' him or hurry him with this.. as he really enjoys it and it's something he created on is own for his own 'routine' before bed. Then, when he is done after about 15 minutes, I call him and he comes downstairs, and will lie down. So, I "let" him do this, in other words. I found it helps him to settle down as well.

For my daughter at that age... it was hard. She is a different personality. BUT, she went through a stage where SHE liked to 'decide' where to sleep. We did not FORCE her to be IN her bed... but rather for us, the main thing was that she actually settled down, then slept and got sleep. Comfortably. So... sometimes she'd just want to sleep on the floor of her bedroom. Fine with us. Or, she'd want to sleep all curled up on the chair in her room. Fine. Or, she'd fall asleep in a pile of blankets (she called it her 'nest') which she made on the floor of our bedroom. Fine. We did not have a problem with any of that... the main thing for us is she slept. It was a phase, and we knew it.

Then, we also have a floor futon on the floor of our own bedroom... and she sleeps there too sometimes. Fine. No problem. And I am also one of those "co-sleeper" parents. So no problem for me. And I co-sleep if need be.

ALSO, in tandem with all of this and their age... well, at this age they also develop night-time 'fears' or fears of the dark or of being alone, or have night mares. All of this makes them not want to sleep, or makes them feel uncomfortable. So, that too is a phase. And every parent is different of how they can help or let just let them cry. For us, we just comfort our kids through it. We don't like to have them cry, just to go to sleep. It's fine and works for us.

At night, we make everything dark and quiet. My kids know the 'rules.' Nothing can be turned on. If they get up and open the door or wander around (which my son sometimes does), then fine... we let him get out his yah-yahs and verbally 'coach' him that when he is done... go to bed and Mommy is waiting etc. My son is rational about it, and once he does get out his yah-yahs, he does go back to bed. He knows himself, and through observation, we know him and what he 'needs' to do, before bed. He is this way. Thus, we don't usually have a lot of icky 'drama' before bed or yelling. We go with their personality and cue into them... then, the 'flow' of bedtime is more pleasant and peaceful.

But yes, we have a distinct bed "time" and routine. The SAME every night. The kids know this like auto-pilot. My daughter being the oldest, if my son gets loud at bedtime and grumpy... it doesn't bother her or wake her up... she knows its just her brother. So she ignores it.

In any event, 2 is a hard age for sleep. It's a transition age. They are having 'growing pains' and it's a phase. But not an easy phase for them either. Not just the parent.

All the best, I didn't have any 'answers' just some thoughts on what we do, and have success with with our kids,
Susan

Are you opposed to 2 - 3 nights of crying? He will adjust. You just lay him down and walk out, return in 5 minutes, comfort, and leave. Repeat it allowing longer interims. Eventually he will go to sleep and then eventually in a couple of nights he will just lay down and go to sleep. It is pretty un-nerving to listen to him cry but easier in the long run.

Now my 3 YO loves a hot shower at night and after that it is time for her to go to bed on her own.

First off, DONT give up. If you show your 2 year old that he is in charge at this early age, it will just continue to get worse. Stand your ground. Your family is right, you must make him stay in bed. I will relate an episode of the Super Nanny about a child who kept getting out of bed, and screaming and throwing things. She said to not talk to the child, pick them up and put them back in bed. Now on this episode it took almost 2 hours for the child to finally go to sleep and countless trips back to bed. What this shows though is your son cant stay up and play, it is just right back to bed, and the key is the super nanny said is "dont talk" to them, dont engage in anything, this will not encourage the child to want to stay up...
I have 2 children ages 5 and almost 8, they never once slept in our beds and from 3 weeks old slept in their cribs and put themselves to sleep. I know the sitting on the bed until they fall asleep is a big "no no" because my mother did it with my sister and she would end up sitting for 3 or 4 hours at the end of the bed until midnight, (i know because I shared that same bed). Good luck and be strong, it will pass quickly if you stick to it and dont let your son win!!

This is a tough situation your family is in. I also have problems with my daughter sleeping. Thankfully, she has no problem falling asleep in her crib for naps and bedtime, but she wakes up in the middle of the night calling for me and crying. I don't want her to wake up my husband and MIL who wake up super early. I just bring her in my bed and then we sleep until morning. Of course she expects to come into my bed every time she wakes up. It is a vicious cirle because if I try to get her back to sleep...she cries hard.
What I recommend doing is creating a tight routine. My daughter didn't always go to sleep easily. I now remind her that it is bed time in 10 minutes and then again a few minutes later. We go brush our teeth, then into bed. I read 3 short books in the same order every time. When we get to the third book, I remind her that after this book is night night time. She now knows what to expect and goes to sleep with no problem. This process took about 2 weeks. I do the same routine for nap as well. Once in a while I will throw in a different book in the middle for the nap, but night time is always the same 3 books. It actually worked!! When people tell you that kids do well with a routine, they weren't kidding! I was shocked when one day my daughter just didn't cry after I left the room. It was amazing.
Sounds like your sons needs to find his independance, he needs to learn how to fall asleep on his own.(with naps and bedtime) I would recommend finding a book on how to get your child to sleep. There are some great books out there, you just have to find the right one for your family.
I understand about not wanting your child to cry it out. But sometimes that is the only way. He's just pissed off that he is not getting his way. He will eventually get over it. Your household may be turned upside down for a little while, but it maybe your only choice! And it certainly will be worth it.
Good luck to you!

I had the same problem with my 2 year old. He is very strong willed and trying to lay down with him just made things horrendously worse. Bedtime was taking 3-4 hours every night. I finally got a gate and put it up outside his room. What a difference! It was almost like having him in his crib again. He had 1 night of crying and then realized his bed wasn't so bad. He's been in his big boy bed 3 months now and we don't even have to put up the gate anymore.

look into the "ferber method" buying the book was a blessing in our home where I was going bananas. Good luck.

I'm confused. Was he sleeping in your bed or is he new to a big boy bed? And is he going to bed at the same time as your 4 yr old and 6 yr old? Are they going to bed earlier or is he going to bed later? My two yr old is my oldest but I was under the impression that the older kids would go to bed a little later so the crying wouldn't be an issue. That and my son puts up a much bigger fight when he's over tired. That means either crying or if he's really tired, trying to play (ie do whatever it takes to stay awake). Give the crying a chance. Put him down a little earlier than the others, like 7pm, and let him cry. It took my son 3 days to adjust to his big boy bed and go down without a problem. That's the other reason to start early. The first two days take a little while... Stick to it for about a week and then when he's used to going to bed you can play around with his bedtime.

Dear EB

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we finally just weened our son...though he was a little older (2 months shy of 3rd birthday). we actually just did a "man to man" talk with him and told him that mommy and daddy couldn't stay in there while he went to sleep. we told him that if he woke in the night, he could always come and cuddle in our bed, but he needed to be a big boy about it. it started one day for nap time. i left the door open and didn't make a big deal if he got out of his bed and read books (i even ignored that he was playing with trucks for a bit). all of a sudden it was quiet and he was asleep. i was shocked! we tried it again that night and he did cry, but we never let him cry without us checking on him. but that was the only night he cried. even now after about 2 1/2 months, he'll call us in the room and play little manipulation games, but we really try to just ignore it and give him a kiss and tell him good night. we also leave the door open and light on for him until he is asleep. it was a miracle. my husband and i have our evenings back. good luck. i never wanted to make him cry or be scared.

This situation also happenned to me, As a mother of three 2 girls and a boy also saw no end to it until one sunday when we went to the park we had so much fun playing all together, we came home exhausted. we watched some tv and we allfell asleep in the sofas.(husband included) I hhhhad the behavior for a few days more and I remmembered the park and then I we went there more often. later it eas not safe to go there no more and we bought a swing set it worked just as fine. Also it would help if you talked to your child about where do other living being do sleep birds in their nests, cats in their baskets doggies in their little houses, cows in their barns, etc...ask him where does his brother sleeps, then ask him if he has a place to sleep. reasure him that you are there in the house, because when it is sleeping time that is all you do. And we all need our sleepy time. brother sleeps alone,so should he, too.Hope this helps if even a little. Love, T. N.