Help with Terrible Two's

It's called Terrible Two's because it's only a phase. You can't do much to eliminate this phase in his life. The only advice that I can give you is to ignore the behavior completely and not give him any attention (positive or negative) when he acts up. Soon he should realize that the behavior he is exhibiting doesn't get him anywhere. Put the cat in another room & let him scream :-)

My daughter has some of these same issues. She did not hit hers until she was three, but still the same. I tried everything. I have learned that if I just ignore her and the behavior she tends to stop doing it. Sometimes it is difficult, and if she is hurting somebody or something I can not just ignore it, but if she is screaming or throwing a temper tantrum, I turn up the tv or music or I just go in my room and shut the door. She calms down and then we talk about her behavior.

Hi T.,
I hear you talking about not being big on spanking but as a Grandmother who made it through the terrible twos and othewr terribles I must say that there are times that a spanking is called for.
If he is testing his limits (and he is) then he needs to be shown his limits. He especially needs to be stopped big time about cruelty to animals, That is the one thing that all nass murders have in common, cruelty to animals in their youth.
Maybe he just doesn't realize how it feels to be hit. Show him!!! I can speak from experience that sometimes the problem is their just not knowing how it feels.
I have seen all sorts of methods used and used many myself. They all take different lengths of time to work. Most never do.
Now don't get me wrong. Spanking is something that should only be used in extreme cases but again I say if he is testing his limits then he needs to be shown where his limits are.
One thing that I learned and this will be seconded by most Mothers ~ there are times when a child almost begs to bwe pinished. lol Psychilogists will tell you that a chukd needs borders and structure. This inculdes his knowledge of when he crosses those borders what will happen.

S.

My advice is no yelling! take it out of the "list". when you yell you're encouraging him and he sees that you care so he does it some more. You have to be very calm. I got warned about the terrible twos and my daughter is almost there but is acting up and so far we have it under control. Here is what you do. When he starts screaming you get down to his level and you talk in a loving voice "mommy doesn't like when you do this". And if he still continues stand up with a frown face and walk to a bedroom and slightly close the door don't come out until he fallows you. This way he understands this upsets mommy.when he comes in the room you should have your head down by your knees sitting on the floor. So when he comes you extend your arms and hug him then stand up hold his hand give him a treat, then give him something to do. It'll take some tries but it worked for us. And when he does it to daddy. Daddy can say the same thing and just walk away from him. But when he's in a happy mood give him kisses and hug him. The moment he acts up, you deal with it. So he understand what's upsetting you. Never yell!If you yell, your son just won! Best wishes!

Try reading the book "1-2-3 Magic." It worked for us. Also, I recently read Super Nanny by Jo Frost and it also had some very helpful age-appropriate suggestions.

It is a very normal stage your son is going through. And I feel your pain it is trying! My first suggestion would be to pick your battle. You can only work on one behavior at a time. If he's doing something that is a danger to himself or someone else, you have to act. Get eye level with him and state in a calm, firm no B.S. voice We do not hurt ..... and an immediate time out. As for the screaming, ignore. It is TOUGH to do but when you consistantly say, I will ignore you until you can talk nice he will get it. And praise praise praise when he does get it. OH did you just use your inside voice. Oh I love that voice! And so on. Just a bit of info, when you are trying to nip a behavior in the bud it will get worse before it gets better. We worked on tantruming w/my oldest when he was 3 and man it got ugly for a while before we saw definate improvement and then altogether dissapearing of tantrums. And remember for yourself to take a time-out too to cool down. You will teach your son a great lesson. I can take a break until I'm calm enough to deal w/a situation. An invaluable lesson.
H.

Maybe you need to look at 'having an impact' a bit differently. He feels safe with you and he's trying out new behaviors, with little understanding of how it feels to the cat or to you. Your goal is to make those experiments unsuccessful. That's the goal of time out, and why it is okay to repeat as needed. He's not yet old enough to consistently learn his lesson on one experience.

Stop the behavior. Limit the damage. Limit what behaviorists call 'reinforcement' (response) to the behavior (you were right about yelling being ineffective. but it is very, very natural and a hard habit to break. at one point I resorted to rewarding myself with candy for not yelling!). Give him lots of appropriate activities and challenges (more complicated toys, a new playground, a few simple chores to do with you or his father) and lots of praise and attention when he makes a good effort. Catch him being good and let him know that's what you like to see.

If you see the behavior peak at certain times of day, try changing your routine so that he's either more occupied (ie, fixing dinner in the morning and giving him the carefully supervised job of serving and microwaving it) if he gets acts out while you're cooking in the evening) or so that he's less hungry/tired (don't do errands after you pick him up from daycare, or if you must, bring a snack for him and maybe get him a bit early, before he's exhausted).

At this age, his best way to learn is the 'scientific method' of wondering how you'll react, trying something, seeing how you react, and sometimes repeating the experiment to see if the result is consistent. It's not yet defiance, and he will develop more sophisticated reasoning soon. You're asking all the right questions and you and your son will be fine!

E.

When I read your post it immediately makes me wonder how much stimulation he is getting during the day when you are at work... If he is that frustrated and acting out so much for attention (good, bad or ugly), it sounds to me that he is either getting too little physical or mental activity or stimulation all day OR he is just missing you both soooo much that he is overwhelmed with wanting LOADS of attention when you are home. I know you say you give him lots, but is it constructive (not sitting a watching tv)? How is he attacking the cat while engaged in a game with you? I really think he needs more constructive one on one activity....go running around the yard in the sprinkler, ride his tricycle, go for a walk around the block in the wagon, play hide and seek, play house, Dr, pretend kitchen or dress up.... All these things can not physically be done at the same time as attacking the cat or other acting-out behaviors.

Sure, it is TOTALLY normal for him to test you, scream for no reason, etc....just be proactive, meaning to set him up for success, thinking ahead of him and guiding him in the right direction rather than waiting for him to do wrong, tell him how he's failed (and you are upset) and then struggle to come up with more and more new punishments. It's only making him more frustrated and not teaching him much other than he gets yelled at alot.

Does he communicate well with you verbally? If not alot yet, then I would strongly suggest adding a few sign language 'signs' to his vocabulary so he feels he can ask or tell you things that he isn't verbalizing yet. This can greatly lower the frustration.

Now that I'm thinking, maybe he also isn't napping well at his caretaker? Is he possibly overtired? Tired kids can't focus or listen well either, just like ones that have too much energy! Maybe consider another day caretaker - or ask how much or little excercise/stimulation he's getting and about the naps. Overall though I think he is just a normal kid. Just try to focus on the positive, and how YOU can change to make his confusing developing life easier...rather than what new punishment will work.... He's just growing up, its all a phase! Try to be tolerant and understanding of how kids are at this age.

Hang in there and best wishes!

You need to get big on spanking...Works for me...My 2 2 1/2 yr old is a little angel...Everyone is so dambed afraid of discipline these days, that's why we have a generation of teenage terrors running around and then they turn into "a hole" adults that no one likes.....lol....

Oh, I remember those days. My son is almost 3 1/2 and finally out of the terrible twos and threes, which was worse in my opinion. This is soooo normal. They are angels in other environments and devils at home. He feels most comfortable with you and so will streatch his learning experiences the furthest. It is actually a compliment to your parenting, that he has the confidence and security to test his limits. There is no majic disciplinary action for this stage. You just have to keep applying the time out etc. it will get better and worse and better and worse. Threes are worse because they are better verbally and can be mean as snakes! This too shall pass, just hand in there:)