Help...Almost 2 Year Old Won't Listen.

If you're ignoring him and he's doing it louder and more frequently then ignoring him is WORKING!

Kids will "turn up the drama" until they reach some kind of effect. So if you ignore him he will HAVE to turn up the drama in order to create an effect.

However, ignoring him isn't always the answer.

Sometimes we are in such a hurry that we just boss our little ones around with a "do this, do that." I'm guilty myself! With some kids' personalities that doesn't phase them, those "go with the flow" kind of kids are OK with that. But the stronger personality ones just dig in their heels and are like a stubborn donkey!

A few things have worked for me.

1. I try to allot plenty of time for things that I know will take a while to get them to do. Part of the problem is I'm trying to get a child to do something quickly (on my schedule) and when they refuse I just go into "tyrant" mode and demand they do it. This just makes things worse.

2. I give choices, but MY choices. If they say "no" then I say "no is not a choice. Do you want to wear the red or blue shirt?" I keep repeating it calmly until they make a choice.

3. It's not always possible, but when possible I try to make things into a game. I'll say "let's see who can put their coat on the fastest, you or mommy! The winner gets kisses!" I don't say "get your coat on we're leaving."

4. What really sets my stepdaughter off is if she's in the middle of something and she's called away to do something else. I REALLY had to work on this one. I had to plan ahead and help her finish what she was doing. So if she was playing and it was going to be dinner time, I'll go in and say "it's dinner soon, finish what you're doing and clean up." Sometimes I have to help her finish what she's doing, but THAT has made a HUGE difference! Helping her end cycle on what she was doing makes her very willing to go onto what I need her to do. That also means no letting her start something when I know she doesn't have much time. Two-year olds HATE being stopped when they are in the middle of something, try stopping a two-year old on a mission!

When I'm working with two-year olds I use a combination of ignoring (always works, but you have to wait while they turn up the drama. It WILL stop if you wait) making things into games, getting in to communication with the child (what are you doing? Wow! Playing trains! How fun! How about we push the trains home and eat some lunch?) and good, unemotional direction.

"Sit down"
"I don't want to!"
"I understand you don't want to. Sit down."
"I don't want to!"
"I got it. Sit down."
"I don't WANNAAAAAAAAAA!"
Walk over. Put their body in the chair. "thank you."

You keep putting their body in the chair. You do it over and over. They may laugh, they may freak out, you just unemotionally do it. Over and over. No threats, no punishment. Just keep doing it. Maybe 100 times. You have to have patience, but eventually they will sit!

Good luck!

Edited to add:

I forgot to mention the "deliberately misunderstanding them" tactic. If I say "go clean your room" and my stepdaughter says "no" sometimes I'll diffuse it with "Oh you want a broom?" and she'll say "No! I don't want to clean my room!" and I'll say "Oh, you don't want spoon. How about a tickle instead?" Sometimes just diffusing the "no" works, we all end up laughing and she'll go clean her room.

Tracey,
You can also try telling them what they can/ may do. You may clear your plate now, You may have a cookie after you eat a good lunch, "We only give hugs and high fives" leaving off the offending actions will get more attention. Also since your belly has changed it been noticed and your little is not sure what is going on or how to handle it so he is having tantrums and acting out. Good luck with your brood!
J. o
mom of 5

Ok, this sounds dumb, but are you asking him to do stuff like "Joey, sit down,ok?" If so, that should not be happening. It should be "Joey, it's time to sit down".

This age is hard because you have to put limitations on them and they just don't want to stop what they are doing. I went through a phase where I would tell my child "in 10 minutes we are going to the store, in 5 minutes we are going to the store, now we are going to the store". It drove my husband crazy, but my guy needed to know what was coming next and what I expected. He had a hard time with transitions so that's how I dealt with it.

He also had a hard time just not knowing what was happening next so I set up a picture schedule for him so the night before we could go over it and then the next morning he knew what was going on and what I expected of him.

Like the other moms said, give him choices, but 2 approved choices like "you can have milk or water" or "you can wear the red or blue shirt". Then he feels like he will have some control. Because it's all about control.

You will hit some speed bumps after the baby comes, so be ready for it. He will really want some attention. Is there a Grandma handy to come over and play with him or a friend or someone who can help with the baby so you can do a puzzle with him?

It does get better. I had 3 kids in 4 years and it gets kind of crazy, but it's doable. Just don't have high expectations for the clean house and use peapod for your groceries!

M.

I have been there! My first was like that, we were once at a Best Buy and she threw a fit on the floor. People stared, she screamed, I stood there and let it takes its course. She finally got up and we moved on. I am not an advocate of spanking, I think it teaching kids that when someone does something wrong hit them and as a teacher, I see it too much, kids get angry and hit each other, that is a learned behavior! Anyways, so we had to weather the storm. When she threw a fit, I let her, when she screamed, I moved her to her room without hurting her and let her scream. I never gave in. I also started using a game called Mr. Whiney, or whatever her problem was, Mr. Angry, etc. I would whisper in her ear, so she would have to be quiet enough to hear me and I would pretend to talk to Mr. Whiney and ask him why he was hanging out with my daughter. She usually quieted down to hear me and this usually led to laughter, I acted silly and she got over her fit. It took time, but it worked and now she is fit free for the most part! We can not take ourselves to serious or get too angry or lose control of our emotions b/c then situations just escalade.
Hope it all works out for you!