Hold Back Child Recently Diagnosed on the Spectrum

Holding him back a year will not fix the social connection problem, and since he is doing well academically it could set him back in other ways. My suggestion is that you stop looking backwards with regret, and focus on moving forward.

My son's birthday is May 27th so he is one of the younger kids in his class. I wanted to hold him back going into kindergarten but to do that he would lose his services for a year. So I let him going figuring he would repeat kindergarten. Academically he was fine to advanced so he was never held back.

He is 17 now and if I have figured out anything, no matter how much I held him back he will never socially fit in. It is just a really bad excuse to hold a kid back. They already don't fit in, then you hold them back and they are the same person only bored and acting out.

The funny thing about my son, he gets along better with kids about 4 years older than him so holding back would have been awful

I would not hold him back. He is academically ahead. He will be bored remaining in the same grade. School has two components; academic and social. I suggest you're only seeing the social part. In reality, academics is the main focus in a classroom. Social issues can be addressed in a different way.

I suggest you talk with a counselor, trained in autism, about ways to handle this. I definitely would not hold him back! To do so, will compromise his academic success and not help him be more socially able. He's having difficulty with social issues because he has autism; not because he's younger than other students.

I urge you to learn more about autism, it's affects on the child and family and ways to deal with the different ways in which an autistic child relates to his world.

My grandson is 13, was diagnosed with learning delays at 3 with the possibility he was autistic. He was formally diagnosed around age 5. He has a home aide this year who is helping him in ways to be more sociable. She has arranged to get him involved with kids younger than him and therefore more closely aligned with his interests and maturity level. She coaches all of them in ways to be sociable. That is just one limited way to deal with social issues. Really, academic and social issues can be very much unrelated to each other.

An autism diagnosis is just the beginning of learning how autistic kids are different and how to help them gain skills that they haven't learned because of autism. You are fortunate that he's academically more advanced. Don't mess with that part of him.

The moms below with kids with Autism have great advice.

If it were me, I would ask for advice from a counselor who knows your child. Any of these people who work with your child - I'd approach them and see what they think. I see a psychologist who works with one of my kids, and I ask her questions on what's best for my kid. I don't always know. Usually I'm thinking the same thing, but it's nice to have that expert opinion.

One of my kids struggled socially. One thing that worked well for us was to have friends outside of school that were of different ages. He gets along better with older kids actually and a neighbor friend and he seemed to relate quite well. Growing up, my best friend was 2 years younger.

So if he has buds outside of school too - or where he can mix with kids of different ages, you might find that gives him an opportunity to connect more. Just a thought :)

As a teacher that has had autistic students in a gen. ed. class, do not hold him back. After you move, find a counsellor that has group sessions for autistic children to develop social skills. A good friend of mine has done that and her daughter has grown immensely.

if he is on the spectrum.. holding him back will not help.. his social skills are not at the same level as the other kids and spending another year in 3rd grade will not help. getting him special counseling / behavior therapy will help... even with "normal" kids holding back rarely helps...

keep doing what your doing to help with the socialization but please don't hold him back. if hes ahead of his grade level and you put him back a year he will be bored, he will act out from bordom. or give up from it and not thrive in school. if he were barely making the grade then it would be ok to hold back. but one more year of school is not going to change his socialization. send him to the next grade and continue to challenge his learning. spectrum children are often smarter than their peers but don't know how to interact with peers. and i know an adult thats on the spectrum and hes doing well in college despite the fact that he speaks to no one. and prefers to be alone. he is studying to be a computer programmer and that does not need a whole lot of socialization.

Don't hold him back. Academically he is above grade level. He will be bored repeating everything he did last year and his behaviors may increase. Find some social classes he can take. If the school has a social worker he may be able to work on some social skills there. He should be on an IEP that includes social skills. The special ed teacher will address those goals. The older kids are when they are held back the more damaging it is socially in my experience. I know a handful of adults who were held back in late elementary/middle school. They talk about the bullying and loss of friends. A couple of them coped with drugs and alcohol. A couple dropped out of school completely. Don't hold your son back.

He may always struggle with relationships. Honestly, holding him back one year is not going to make a huge difference with that. Some people just have a tougher time connecting.

Don't keep him back. He will be bored. Work on social skills. Aspergers is just that Aspergers. It is not autism. It's a sub-category. An autistic child and a child with Aspergers is very different. Just keep up the social skills.

As the mom of a kid on the spectrum, and someone who's read a lot of info from autistic adults, DON'T hold him back. He is going to be interacting different socially regardless. Best to keep him on track academically. If there's a school you like with clubs, etc. that fit his interests, THAT's a great approach. Like minded kids will connect.

Kids on the spectrum typically connect better with adults or with kids that are much older or much younger than they are, or with those that are equally quirky.

Feel free to private message me :)

also, check out autistikids.com - lots of great links to autistic bloggers and a GREAT resource for a parent with questions :)

Does the school district you are moving into have regulations pertaining to age in each grade? Some schools don't allow kids to be ahead of their age group regardless of their skills.

I would find out first if he will be allowed to move into 4th grade there.

Assuming they'd allow him to be in 4th grade but you decide to do 3rd grade since he'd be with the kids his own age.

What you will have on your hands is a very very very bored young man. He'd start finding ways to entertain himself and his teachers aren't going to be entertained. He's likely to end up being the problem child and get a reputation for being a nuisance.

So don't do him that disservice. Put him where he needs to be academically. I'm with your husband on this matter.