Holidays - Bitter or Sweet?

Updated on December 31, 2012
L.H. asks from San Diego, CA
12 answers

I'm asking this question as I reflect on what I know personally and as a counselor. My parents were divorced - my dad was depressed each and every year around the holidays and my mom made everything fun and beautiful. I had very different experiences of Christmas, dreading the grey of my dad's house in contrast to my mom's sparkle. How are holidays for you? Grey, sparkle or both?

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J.G.

answers from Chicago on

Usually I am super depressed at this time of year, but since I am pregnant, I'm not struggling like I usually do! I really need to talk to my Doctor about my hormones ;-)

But it's usually both.

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S.H.

answers from St. Louis on

right in the middle.....great moments of sparkle, with a few reflections of gray in between. & I think that's healthy.

This was a Christmas of zero return items, well-appreciated gifts, & happy smiles. I placed "giving" as my goal for the season. It was also a time of tears, of missing my Dad & my daughter....& of reflecting on wonderful childhood memories with my grandparents.

There was also melancholy as I focused on appreciating spending time with both my Mom & my Grandma. Mom's memory is showing signs of faltering, & Gma will be 92 in February. Times are changing for us. :)

Many special moments, lots of raucous laughter. Goofy moments....for example, when we decided to open gifts on Christmas Day at 1a.m.! Crazy, crazy....my sons & I were up baking cookies. My husband woke up for a bathroom break, & we decided....why the Hell not? It was fun, it was unexpected, & it gave us some extra sleep time. :) (disclaimer: my sons are 16 & 25.)

& here's the craziest moment of all: when we decided to do that middle-of-the-night gift opening, I had been watching an old Christmas movie on tv. I changed the channel to all Christmas music, only hit the wrong buttons....& ended up with "Naughty Nannies". All 3 men were...."Oh, yeah, let's watch this!". LOL...all the way. Thank goodness, it was PPV & blacked out! Oh, the life of living with all men....even the 2 dogs. :)

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L.F.

answers from San Francisco on

Both. Very,very heavy time of year for me. Alot of sadness but mixed in with rays of sparkle. I am thankful for all that I have and the relationships that I have and go over my gratitude lists daily.

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A.M.

answers from Kansas City on

the only grey that enters into it is when i put too much pressure on myself, don't plan ahead financially, or let the "stress" of the season interfere. that leads to tension, snippy mama, and arguments and resentment.

this year that didn't happen. 100% sparkle, baby :)

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J.S.

answers from Chicago on

Both, but this year just a tad more bitter. Both of my parents passed away a long time ago, but my mom's death anniversary falls on 12/22. My dad's birthday was Christmas Day and he would have been 90 this year.

My nephew is on his way to Afghanistan for his first tour of duty and my brother had flown to his base to see him off. We all really missed them this year.

There were many bright spots as well and feel very blessed. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

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M.C.

answers from Detroit on

Both. This is the first Christmas without my mother, so it's a sad one; but luckily I am on antidepressants so the grief doesn't hurt as much:) I try not to dwell too much on the past; I enjoy life at the moment. I am thankful and grateful for my husband, kids, new dog, our health, and other elatives that are around to celebrate with.

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S.G.

answers from Los Angeles on

My parents moved out of state 14 years ago. In all those years, we celebrated Christmas with them twice - there in 2001, here in 2002. I was sad they weren't here, but relieved to not have two households to deal with each holiday. After they left, I filled the void for my family by creating our own Christmas traditions. Last year (Oct 2011) my dad died. My mom was staying with us, but was still devastated and did little to share in our Christmas. In November of this year, my mom moved nearby. Having been gone all of these years, she was excited to have us for Christmas dinner. The problem? We always have Christmas dinner with my in-laws followed by present opening. I asked them if we could do the present exchange in the morning and they refused. So, it was agreed we'd eat with my mom and then go over. Well, my mom doesn't like to dinner until like 5pm, but they do dinner around 2pm, so they're just sitting around waiting for us. Very stressful. I did get them each to budge and both agree on a 3pm dinner so we'd at least be on the same schedule. But, by the time we did our Christmas morning and all got showers and got to my mom's it was 12:30. I'd baked a pecan pie and told her to enjoy it later as we wouldn't be staying for dessert. My mom was already bitter that we had to leave after dinner and got really nasty. I just lost it and went outside and cried on the curb. So tired of trying to keep everyone else happy, but I'm never happy.
And this is all after the disaster on Christmas Eve. We've always gone to Church, come home and had fondu and then gone to walk a local neighborhood that is over the top with Christmas lights. My BIL & SIL were staying with my mom and they were doing fondu too. So I told them to come do fondu with us. So my hubs invites his mom too. Let's just say - 9 people is too many to do fondu together and it was a disaster. And then after they ate, they didn't want to walk the lights and settled in for a long visit. I finally had to kick them out so we could go walk the lights.
And, my kids? Even though they are older, they are so OCD, and were not real happy with all the changes to our traditions.
Ugh! Next year? I'm going skiing!!!!! LOL

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A.T.

answers from New York on

Holidays are actually bittersweet for me. Both parents are gone and they were a deeply intricate part of my holidays. I forget they are coming, they arrive and take me by surprise even when I remember they are here, I get into the spirit when I shop and wrap and the tree goes up, but even then, it is not the same for me. I have to muster up the energy for my 15 year old who adores Christmas. My dad left her the beautiful, and the sparkle for Christmas, that's for sure.

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K.S.

answers from Miami on

Growing up my Christmas was not the best. Bad family situation but for some reason I still loved it. When I had my daughter I made sure it was very magical her whole life. Last Christmas was the last one with Santa Clause. So this year It was fine, but very different . I was disappointed my mom had to work Christmas and eve. She had started to spend time with me and my daughter at Christmas. So we ended up opening gifts Christmas eve with mom and the just my daughter and myself go to church Christmas morning and just hang out till she had to go to her dads.. We share half and half on Christmas. Some how the magic was gone sadly, but it wasnt a bad Christmas. In the end my daughter was happy with what she got and we enjoyed each other's company and that is what counts.

F.M.

answers from San Antonio on

A little of both.

Grey: there's tension in the family since we don't do the whole "Santa" thing. My SIL and Brother never return my calls nor texts, yet put on an "everythings splendid" face when we see eachother. I don't enjoy my time with them really. It all feels so fake. Plus I messed up some of my husband's work accidentally. He was able to fix it, but I felt pretty bad and mad at myself, plus I got to hear husband yell the F-bomb 50 times yesterday. Not quite "Holiday Cheer" to be witness to all that. And before the screw-up, I opened zero Christmas presents from my husband.Yep - he got me nothing, again, same as last year. Seriously? You couldn't have picked me up a pack of gummy bears or something when you picked up your beer at the gas station?

Sparkle: My 4 yr old said "This is the best Christmas EVER!" after opening presents at our house. The smile on his face made it a wonderful Christmas. My mom and dad had us over for dinner and I was given some nice gifts (no surprises; I knew all that they had prepared to give me). I got some gift cards to amazon and old navy which I may use today.

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R.J.

answers from Seattle on

So so so hard this year.

It was our first split Christmas. Last year, I had a concussion, a fractured skull, and no money (or heat, car, etc.)... But I had my son. So life was magic and wonderful.

This year, I've been lost. My son was gone most of December. School didn't let out until the 24th. So the one week I had him in December before Christmas was full of school / no time to do what we usually do to get ready to celebrate. My mum kept trying to get is to abandon our own Christmas and come there. Its just been really hard. Add in that I got rear ended in the beginning of December (and got another concussion)... And the whole thing seemed like a cruel joke.

But Santa came, and the gumbo was made, and late nights & Christmas movies were had, cakes eaten, music danced to... And then 2pm rolled around on the 25th and my son is gone again, and his new toys sit here alone.

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K.B.

answers from Chicago on

Mine was mostly glitter. The only grey part was that my MIL, who has dementia did not come over as we had planned and stayed home, so my hubby went there for the afternoon after opening gifts in the morning and having breakfast. My mom usually stays the night on Christmas Eve to be with us on Christmas day. However, I couldn't help but think, what if this is the last Christmas she's with us? Crazy thought, but what if it was? Otherwise, we had a positive day. I love Christmas, but am always glad when it is over and the world gets back to normal.

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