How Can I Best Deal with In-Law?

She sounds like she doesn't understand that what she says or does impacts other people; kind of just in her own little place where the world revolves around her. Its going to be up to you to shut her down and show her how you want to be treated.

When she starts talking about your weight interrupt her and say something like 'You know I am doing what I need to do to be strong and healthy for my family. Please don't talk about my weight.' If she starts to say something other than I'm sorry interrupt again with 'This isn't a topic up for discussion'. Lather rinse repeat as often as needed. She may or may not get the memo to shut her trap but I know you'll feel better standing up for yourself.

Make sure she's treating the children with kindness during her visits and not making comments to them. She's shown you and your husband that she's not a nice person in all situations. While she is your children's only grandparent she needs to treat them well. If not then I'd have her stay elsewhere and limit her visits at your house.

A.

CONGRATULATIONS on your 10 lbs!! THAT IS GREAT!!

When you MIL comes to town? it's OKAY to stand up to her and say - please - until YOU EAT like you are telling me to eat? Keep your mouth shut.

You do NOT need to tell her you about any diagnosis that isn't her business.

Your kids DO NOT "NEED" that type of person in their lives. That's NOT healthy. She's a hypocrite. Keep that in mind when you talk with her. I would guess that if she's "thin"? She has an overactive thyroid and that's why she "can" eat horribly and not gain weight.

DO NOT allow her to control your life. Stand up for yourself and your family. It's OKAY. You don't have to be PC. Let her act hurt. She says "she's trying to help you" well - what's good for the goose is good for the gander. You were trying to help her....

Good luck!

First, I would talk to your husband about whether or not HE wants his mother in your (him, you, the kids) lives. She may be the only grandparent, but is she healthy for them? No grandparent is sometimes better for kids than an unhealthy person in their lives. Sometime to think about.

Second, you can only change you. She's not going to change. You have to work to find peace within yourself. You are doing the best you can. You are eating healthy and working out, and that's more than some of us (I'm a yoyo, personally.) There will always be things in our lives that we cannot control. If you want her to continue to have a role in your life, you have to also find a way to not allow her negative behavior to affect you.

Have you ever watched Gilmore Girls? There is a very powerful scene (in "That'll Do, Pig" from Season 3) between Lorelai and her mother, Emily, (who often disapproves of Lorelai's choices) where Lorelai teaches her Emily about not letting that get to her and how she even sometimes relishes in her mother's disapproval. It's pretty funny and makes a good point.

Good answers below.

I would add this: if she critiques even one thing about you in front of your children, ask her to follow you into the other room. Then calmly tell her that you and your husband do not allow anyone in your home to criticize you in front of the kids. (You can repeat the other things below about "didn't ask for your opinion" and "I've asked you to stop.") But add in the part that your children are being raised to be kind and to absolutely not engage in put-downs, particularly of women. Add in that the schools are teaching kids not to bully, and so you will not allow it in your house. You can also tell her that you have a doctor who is monitoring your weight, and you will not allow her to make your kids' food-obsessed. She can choose to follow your rules or stay away. She didn't parent your husband, from what you say, and she's not going to parent you or the children. She is a guest in your home, and you expect her to act as one.

I'm not sure where all those sodas are coming from, but don't buy them just for her.

She can stay in a hotel and meet your family out for dinner, or she can come to the kids' soccer game or chorus concert. You can go to the children's museum or the park or the pizza place. You can tell her you won't be around during such-and-such a visit, or tell her that only Thursday works for you, or whatever.

Just because she's their only grandparent doesn't mean she's good for them. Set some guidelines and see if they work. If not, stop the visits. No loss.

You can't change her.
You have to accept her warts and all for who she is.

The only thing you can change is how you feel about her.
You want her approval - and no matter what you do, no matter what you weigh - she is not going to give it to you.
This is the source of your frustration.

Being an absentee mom and overbearing tells me it's her - not you.
She's like this with everyone.
And if she really is like this with everyone - how much of this do your kids really need?
I wouldn't send them down the rabbit hole looking for them to do what ever they can to try to gain her approval.

Take a step back for a bit.
Go watch the whole 'Back to the Future' movie series and pay special attention to the whole "Marty will do anything to stand up to being called chicken" thing.
He takes stupid risks in response to a trigger in him.
But finally he catches on to never-care-what-an-idiot says/thinks - and he stops reacting to dares - in time to save himself in that drag race toward the end of the last movie.

You need to quit feeling badly as a response to anything she says to you.
When she criticizes - you tell her out loud "I'm sorry you feel that way" while thinking silently "I'm sorry you're such an idiot".
The only way to win this game is to not play this game.
Change your thinking - change the rules.
It will be a very freeing experience - and you are going to feel great.

Oh - and I hope she stays in a hotel when ever she is in town.
There is no reason she needs to stay in your home.

I agree with the posts below. You need to firmly tell her your weight and lifestyle is NOT up for discussion with her any further, and your kids should absolutely not hear that. It's ridiculous she focuses on your weight! That's not trying to help, it's rude!
I have a pretty great MIL, but she is famous for laying on the guilt, about things we may or may not want to do I finally learned to stand my ground.I don't appreciate being made to feel uncomfortable, and just won't anymore. Neither should you. You can be firm AND nice!