How Can This Be "Fixed"?

I have always felt not quite with either political party myself. I really hate it when you are considered one over the other simply because you feel a certain way about a subject--like family values, or healthcare or whatever the topic of the day happens to be. Just because you feel a certain way about something does not mean everyone does or even has to. Everyone has a mind and hopefully uses it for themselves rather than to agree with everyone else. I always felt that politics is like religion. I have a right to my beliefs and don't tell me I cannot think something just because the group feels the opposite.

Everybody has their own opinions, and they're all different. That's what makes this country great. I am very political, yet I realize that about half the country disagrees with what I believe in. If you let one person get to you this much, then don't ever run for political office! Really, let it go. You can't "fix" everybody. They want to "fix" you too, you know. And they can't do that either.

I totally get where you're coming from. There are many people who seem to think that if you don't think/act/talk/whatever like they do, you are 'wrong' somehow. There is nothing you can do about these people...many of them do not appear to have the ability to understand that there is more than one way to 'skin a cat', you don't do it their way so you MUST be doing it wrong. I try to avoid sharing just about anything with these kind of people.

I guess the only advice I can give is to agree to disagree, and keep it superficial (weather talk, anyone?) he will never understand why you would have gotten upset, because, to him, you are WRONG and need to realize it. There is a BIG difference between 'debating' (which is what these types often like to call it) and 'shoving your ideas down someone's throat' with no opportunity for rebuttal.

Find a way to let it go and never touch that topic with a co-worker again. If you do- I would make some jokes with him about the fact "Oh we're the family that lacks values because we aren't republicans". Of course you have values, they just may be different than his.

You and your family, me and my family, and millions like us are living breathing proof that strong family values are not patented to any one political party, nor any one race, religion, class, etc. Since YOU know this to be true, why would it bother you so much that a clearly ignorant casual co-worker should think otherwise? Have the power of your own convictions Mamma, you can't control what the world thinks, you can only control your own environment and obviously you're doing that VERY well. Shake it off! Sometimes having the wisedom to NOT state your mind is a VERY powerful thing! It occurs to me that I didn't actually answer the question, tehehe, which was what can we do to eliminate this seriously incorrect populus way of thinking?...Frankly, I think what we can all do we are ALREADY doing, which is to teach our own children well..A passionate urge to 'FIX' the perceived injustices in the world is what makes you an excellent Mom, which is the MOST powerful thing you can do....Your kids will go out in the world and spread the same message, kudos to you!

P., I am not sure I understand...do you NEED to have the same opinion? Is it imperative to you to have exactly the same values? Is it life altering if you don't agree 100%?

Or can you agree to disagree? Can you breathe knowing that everyone has a right to their own opinion and that is a blessing? Are you able to relax into the fact that you live in a free country?

B.
Family Success Coach

I get exactly what you're saying. Like you, I'm more purple than any one party. I've voted both ways, depending on the issues/election.

As unfortunate as your business associate's opinion is, s/he is entitled to it. I don't think you can "fix" or change it or even argue your point of view effectively. S/he might qualify this opinion by saying something, "But that doesn't apply to you!" Whenever I have tried with my more conservative friends or family, I always wonder if they think less of me because I don't agree lockstep with them.

And I agree with you - it's insulting, divisive, frustrating and sad when your own personal moral code is denigrated. I think both sides of the political fence are guilty of this kind of generalization of the other. So, I try not to engage in these discussions with such rigid-thinking people. I know that's really hard not to, especially if the other person gets insulting - believe me! But it's a matter of self-preservation at this point.

{{{{HUGS}}}}

You say you are purple, a mixture of red and blue. Most people are. Some more red. Some more blue.

I consider SOME "family values" to be of no real value. I'm pro-choice, but I am different from most pro-choice people because I think the baby should also have a choice. After all, isn't the baby as involved as the mom? That makes me more "red". I also think I can spend my money more wisely than the government can (taxes) and that we (the government) shouldn't spend more than we take in. That also makes me more red. I think social security is a good thing. That makes me more blue. But I think our social security should be for those that paid taxes into the system. That makes me more red. I could go on, but you get the idea.

Most of us are some shade of purple. The most important part of being purple or blue or red is knowing WHY you believe the way you do and have the facts to back your opinion up. You may change your mind when you learn more about the WHY.

Good luck in researching the why.

They probably feel the same way about your view point. Keep in mind that EVERYONE has the right to their own opinion no matter how different it is from your own. At times it is just best to agree to disagree :)

I guess this is why they say never talk about politics or religion in mixed company. I understand the feeling of being insulted, but I would steer clear of the discussion completely mmoving forward and be confident in your own values.
I hate to say it, but this person, as a casual business aquaintance, should have no lasting impression or bearing on you or your family. Move on and keep the business conversation light from here on out.
If he/she tries to engage you on the topic again simply say, "I feel I undsterand your point of view and we don't need to revisit this topic. . . how about those spreadsheets." or something similar.

This is why discussions concerning religion, politics and money are never topics for polite company. Some people will just not see eye to eye, and it matters not which side of the political divide you are on. There are good people every where, and there are raving lunatics every where, and it's impossible to figure out who is who. Just smile and nod and don't discuss the topic with this person again.

Do you think THEIR values are of less value than yours because THEY'RE different? Maybe, maybe not. Just because some "group" makes a statement, that doesn't mean it's right or wrong - it's just really an opinion. Feel free to completely disagree, but don't let someone else's point of view make you feel like yours is inferior. People are all different and part of living as an American is realizing that there are extremes of opinion out there. You can't "fix" it. Instead of getting upset at your associate's opinions and taking it personally, just say "hmm. That's an interesting point of view". But in your own head you could think "hmm, poor ignorant fool. His spouting off like that makes him sound like an idiot." Then drop the subject and talk about the weather.

Politics doesn't make much sense. Both parties are trying to claim they are the best. The republicans want you to know that because they are more conservative, they can own the "family values" label. Because the democrats will more likely advocate for same sex marriage, they are labeled "anti-family values". I'm not knocking either party, because it's all about campaigning and getting the vote. It's been this way for a long time and while many of us are like you and aren't positioned clearly on one side or another, it makes for interesting talk. I'm sure that most people know that you can be a democrat and have family values, but it's more about that label. It's what the politicians use to put themselves in the lead. Family values can mean many things. Abortion is an issue that can be put in a family values group. You may or may not believe in a woman's right to choose...... It's not just about whether or not you and your husband will stay married or divorce. I'm not sure there's a way to "fix" this, it's been this way for years. People are always going to judge and talk about how right they are while unable to listen to another's point of view. It's hard to hear what someone is saying when they are attacking you and your thoughts. Know that you are a moral person and the politic's idea of what your are matters very little. Go to the polls and vote according to your unique beliefs and tell your co-worker that you no longer wish to talk politics.

I'm sorry P., but this is tough. People think differently. It doesn't make them bad. I truly believe our brains are wired differently.

Absolutely you should want your views respected. Minimizing your families values is unfair and unkind, and quite honestly, egotistical. But it is unlikely that you will change your friends mind.

I am glad you spoke up. Possibly you gave your friend food for thought, but don't think you can change him.........just like he can't change you.

No one party will match your every attribute. However, people SHOULD respect YOUR values.

I am a Conservative. But in that - I am okay with gay relationships (not gay marriage or child adoption, but relationships - I know that doesn't match most in my "party" either). I, however, do NOT believe in having a gay pastor, priest, etc. - that goes against everything in the Bible - while there are MANY who think it's just fine.

They are MY values, MY beliefs and I do NOT expect anyone and everyone to hold them as well. I try to be respectful of others convictions and expect the same from them.

I do not feel we can change this as it would mean that all would have to have the same morals. While that would be PERFECT - nothing is ever perfect.

I was called a racist and a Nazi for not supporting Obama. I have black girlfriends who have been called racists for not supporting "the brother". I TRY not to get mad - I pity them for not having a brain (I know bad) and being able to think for themselves, but I can't change their mind.

The only possible fix I can foresee is if people actually took the time to respect one another and not think "I'm entitled" to something because of their skin color or anything BUT THEIR MERITS. But too many people want something for free (and like nothing is ever perfect - nothing is free either - the money has to come from somewhere.)

Sorry so late in responding, I didn't see it posted but my opinion is this, adults should be mature enough to respect another's opinion even if it differs from their own. I have very strong opinions on so called controversial subjects. A few fellow former co-workers would often voice their disapproval at things I felt strongly on. I did not bring up the subject but when asked about my thoughts, I voiced my opinion & was immediately berated so I can certainly understand you're feeling perplexed. I would just remember that although people are adults, they don't often act as one. I would not back down your convictions. If someone doesn't agree, let it go, just remind that person that as an adult, they need to be mature enough to accept a difference of opinion. That usually works for me. I try to avoid people that are confrontational but still voice my opinion when asked. I'm not sure how to change people's views to a more mature understanding but perhaps by posting here, the word can get out. Good luck!

You really just have to not take it personally and avoid (or walk away from) these sorts of discussions. I understand totally how you feel and had a similar situation with two colleagues at a social event. I just ended up leaving.

I have found that by living my life in the way that I feel is right and not judging others AND always changing the subject when folks get into political (and religious) discussions with which I do not agree, I no longer get into these conflicts (it is hard when you have strong views yourself). For example, I have a neighbor that is much more conservative than myself and she constantly blames the current president for *everything*. So, when she brought up the topic last time, I just changed the subject to gardening - asking her what the new plant she had in her yard was.

This obviously also applies to religion - I have alot of colleagues that are atheists and one was constantly bashing Christians. I would just ignore him and one day he noticed I had a saint card in my work notebook. His reaction was - "You really are religious". After that, he would always qualify his Christian bashing with "some" Christians and not categorize us all.

Sounds like you and your co-worker found out more about one another than you really cared to :) The old adage really is true: it's best to keep politics (and religion) out of the workplace. That is, unless your a lobbyist, lol.

The poles are getting wider apart. Lead your life as your example of who you are and what you hold dear!

I'm sorry, but I don't think there is a fix. Right now, the country is very polarized, and it seems to be getting more so, not less. It's really sad and I have a hard time watching it happen, but I don't know how to help it. I feel helpless sometimes, too.

Most of my friends agree with me politically, but my best local friend is absolutely on the opposite end of the spectrum in almost every way. We discovered this early on in our relationship, and I'll admit, for a while, I wasn't sure we could continue to be close. I am VERY political (follow the news, always vote, my family members run for various offices, etc.) She is not, but her husband is, and he greatly influences her opinions (as one would expect). Since we know we don't see eye-to-eye and that talking politics will only create hard feelings, we just don't. Ever. We find other things to talk about. I don't know what she would say if someone asked her about my "family values," in the sense of various political issues (and I don't want to know - it would ruin the friendship). But we don't talk about the issues; we talk about our children and our husbands and what we expect out of each and how we plan to raise them, and we're on the same page when it comes to THOSE issues. I know I disagree with her when it comes to, oh, basically everything political, especially the various moral issues, but I also know that she is a good mother and a loving wife and a dutiful daughter. I think she would say the same things about me. And our differing opinions on abortion in no way change that.

The moral of my story (and yes, I do have one!) is that there are some people you can't talk politics with. It doesn't mean you can't be friends with them or love them for the people they are. It just means that politics would mess-up an otherwise great relationship. So try not to let this affect your opinion of the co-worker too much (believe me, I know it's hard) and teach your child about YOUR family values, and also about respecting the values of others. THAT'S a true family value.