How Close and How Much Do You Share?

I am the same way with my Mom! She knows almost everything. We talk at least daily and I definitely consider her one of my best friends. I am lucky to be close with both my parents. My husband and I (and the kids) go on vacation with them for a week every Summer. We were not this close until I was in college. I went to community college and lived at home.

My mom and I had a great MOTHER-DAUGHTER relationship, I never looked at her as a friend growing up but as a guide ... Oh and that has just not changed. I talk to her about everything but that is because she is a very open person and she has lived for 60 years! She has a lot of experience under her belt and a lot of interesting points of view. I still respect her as my mother and a guide. She helps me thru many of my issues by giving me other options that I have not yet contemplated and we can have a good laugh. I think it is good and healthy and there are many people who do wish they had what I have and then there are some who just do not get it it's all good, it is what works for us.

As a parent when your child tells you something negative it makes you worry about them and you want to fix it for them. I never tell my mom things like "I am so broke" or "Richard made me so mad today when he said blah blah blah". Those things are none of her business and I wouldnt want the mother lion coming out in her where she feels she needs to fix my problem for me. I share stuff that happens with friends, or what I made for dinner last night, or who got kicked off of American Idol, and the cute shoes I saw in the store window the other day, things like that. I don't ever want her to have to worry about my situation, she feels good knowing that I have NO problems and it makes her proud that she doesnt have to stress about my life.
Save your gory details about fights with hubby and the two dollar balance in your checking account for your best girlfriend, NOT with Mom.

I think it depends on the people involved. If you share alot and your Mom doesn't use that information to do anything else but support you - no issues. However, I believe when you get married, you begin YOUR FAMILY with your husband and kids (if you have them) and they take 1st priority. So be careful there. Each of us has to work this one out. There is no right answer, just what's right for you and your husband/family.

I tell my mom everything. We have the type of relationship where I know it won't come back to "bite me." We talk every day. She's actually away on vacation for two weeks and it's so weird to not talk to her.

She's definately still my mom, not a friend, in that it's clear that the relationship doesn't exactly evenly go both ways. She's supportive and helpful. It is exactly what I hope that I have with my daughter when she's older. (My son too, but I'm not sure that will happen).

Why wouldn't it be healthy? You're happy, she's happy, it doesn't seem to be negatively effecting your other relationships. Doesn't mean you can't "parent" your daughter, it just means that you are also building a relationship beyond the parenting relationship. I think that's awesome.

Depends on the parents. When I was on good terms with my mom, I shared too much about my frustrations with my hubs at that time. Years later she still takes digs at him, when there is no longer an issue with him. My rule of thumb now is reveal what you don't mind hearing repeated in public.

I share a good bit of info with my parents, but not everything is their business just like every aspect of their lives isn't my business as their child. They know that my husband & I have struggled financially, but they don't know exactly how much money we have in our bank accounts or even exactly how much we make. They know that sometimes we argue with each other, but not always what it's about, just maybe a general overview. I say "they" but I really mean my mom as my dad & I don't chat very often.

Now I have kids myself, one daughter, one son, and I have told them often that I am their mother, not their friend. I do hope once they're grown that will shift, but for now it's just the way it needs to be.

my mom was very much "MOM" when i was a kid....now we are best friends. i don't tell her details about my sex life (although i did try try to get her to come with me to a passion party - she refused lol) but i tell her just about everything else. not sure what you're considering is healthy or not. i think a comfortable, honest relationship with ANYone is healthy. especially the mother whose universe you are the center of. as a mom what more can we ask but that those precious gems we have loved beyond measure since before they were born, could consider us a close friend in adulthood? sounds like pure heaven to me.

Yeah, if you're lucky enough to be close with your daughter when she's an adult, why not?

I was just thinking about this recently! About my mid twenties things shifted in my relationship with my parents. It used to be that they didn't tell me a lot of things because they didn't want me to worry. But now they have to tell me quite a bit - because I am the one who will take care of things if they become incapacitated or when they pass away. At the same time I have begun to feel like I can't tell them things because I don't want them to worry! Not sure if that was brought on by knowing more about what really goes on with them or because it's become more real that I will be responsible for them in some fashion at some point but there it is.

I can share the most intimate of some details with my mom... and others I totally have to leave out! I know which things will cause her worry and so I just don't tell her those parts.

It depends. I learned my lesson -- i used to share everything but then it would come back to haunt me. My mom started using information against me that I told her during disagreements or throwing it back in my face here and there. Needless to say, I stopped sharing. It took a few times of "serves me right" to stop sharing so much. It might be OK if your mom is local and doesn't harbor resentment but mine lives 12 hour drive from me and she hates that we live so far away....is constantly guilting me about it, not seeing her grandbabies enough, etc. etc. I try not to share anymore. It is tough because I don't have too many female friends either....If it works for you and has no negative impact on your relationship with your significant other or with your mom, then share away....but beware that it can come back to bite you.

As an adult, my mom and I share mostly everything. Not all of the details of our home life or my marriage, but generally knows what we are doing on a daily basis, about the kids, my hubby and myself. As a child, we were close but not nearly as close as we are now. She is one of my most trusted best friends!
M

I'm a more private person and my husband tells friends and relatives things I wouldn't. I'm the kind of person who hates when you show someone something you bought and right away they ask how much you paid. I think that is very rude. It's not that they want to go buy the same thing. They're just being nosy. My family tells everyone's business in a second and that disturbs me like u wouldn't even believe. I hate when my hubby talks to the guys in the family because I know he's going to give some kind of info out that they can pass around. Whenever I want to share things with his family they finish my news off for me because they already know and that spoils it for me. There's nothing left to talk about.

For the most part having your mother be your best friend as an adult is healthy. But I think it also depends on other factors. Now, I did read once how your first few years of marriage to move far away from your parents to make a life with your husband and not tell your parents everything little thing you fight over.

I'm very close to my mother too. I live 1.5 miles away, I'm 37 years old. My mom is my best friend too. I was really close with my mom growing up, I'm one of 4 girls, #2. She is a middle child. I always felt great going to her. I'd say in my late teens to early 20's I didn't, I think I knew I was making bad choices and new she wouldn't approve. I look back at the mistakes I made, when I thought I knew better than everyone else what to do with my life. Maybe those are also building stones for my independence. I know it could have saved me a lot of stress if I would have just listened.

I know my mom means well, but she has also overstepped her boundaries and I've allowed it. My daughter who is almost 16 is very close with my parents. I want her to have a very open relationship with me. We did have a hard patch but in the last 2 years it's been getting better. My daughter does open up to me for the most part. But she also knows I'm her mother and will be that before being her friend. I have boundaries. My mom thinks I'm too hard on her a lot, and not understanding, and she'll throw how she wasn't that way with me. My daughter takes after her dad a lot and I do think my daughter needs hard rules because she will try to move the boundary lines. Don't get me wrong, she's a very smart girl and nice and caring to a lot of people. I guess my husband has also shown me to be a parent first then friend later in life.

I think it's pretty healthy to have your mother as your friend. Just don't tell her all your husband's short comings or every fight you have. You shouldn't tell your girlfriends this either. I want to have a great healthy relationship with my daughter and sons when they are adults. I hope they would consider me their friend too.

I was too close to my mom when I was younger and a teenager and I think that caused some problems when I left for college at 17. There is probably a lot of drama, but I have only talked to her a couple of times this past year, I try to send emails with "kid" updates and pictures, but don't always hear back. I think she wants some closeness but things were so awkward after I left and realized our relationship had not been appropriate that neither of us knows what to do. She also felt a little too comfortable expressing negative opinions about my husband, which I will not tolerate. At the time, it was nice having coffee with her in the mornings and feeling that my opinion was important, but looking back I should not have been counselling her or "being friends" until I was already an adult.