How Did You Get Hubby to Go to Marriage Counseling?

For me, I had to make it seem like it was 100% in his benefit. I told him that if I'm as wrong as he thinks I am, and if he thinks he's right, then why not sit down with a 3rd party mediator to tell me I'm wrong?! I promised that if someone outside the box, a neutral party, told me I was messing something up, then I would absolutely change that behavior. We both had things we needed to change, but I couldn't get him to go until he was convinced that the counselor would be on his side ;) Also, we went to a male counselor. You know, so they could guy talk and he wouldn't feel like the counselor was biased by gender ;) Good luck!

On a side note, counseling is not going to work if he doesn't believe it will work or he doesn't want to change. It's got to be both of you working together as a team. Try to find a counselor who will also sit down with each of you separately... I know it was easier for my guy to have that one on one time without me inturrupting ;)

I don't mean to sound harsh here, but you've posted 9 different questions in the past 24 hours - seems like you're kind of reeling a bit. I would start with personal counseling, and then later involve your husband if necessary. There is absolutely no shame in talking to someone to help you sort out some feelings when things are flying through your head. Also it sounds like you're a pretty new mom, so this could be postpartum-related. In any event, for sure you have some hormones and emotions swirling around, as most new moms do, and you might just need to get a handle on things before involving him.

good luck

I like to talk to my husband when we're in bed. Not after or before fooling around, being romantic is not even on my mind when i tell him "let's go to bed early" when i say that, it means we're going to talk. He takes news much better in bed, haha, again without the romance. I figured bed time is the only time where we are not being distracted by our son, tv, phone calls, visitors, etc etc. Much easier. good luck. And we've done the marriage counseling, it was his idea...and it was mine to stop going, now i regret it

Hi S.,
Timing and Framing are indeed important.
1. I would raise the issue maybe at the end of the week-end, on a Sunday eve. When you are relaxing in the evening...He will be in a good mood, and yet if he is surprised, it will not color the week-end.

2. I would frame the issue positively. I would share how much you love him, and that you want to deepen your relationship...In these contexts, you think that a professional third party can provide some guidance to meet certain goals as a couple....

Best of Luck, Jilly

I think the key is finding the counselor, seeing beforehand if part of it or even a few visits are covered by your insurance (sometimes a few per year are), and THEN presenting him with the idea. When I first suggested the notion, not being prepared or having done my "homework" added stress to the situation. He said "no problem" when I had a business card in hand and showed it to him and had already laid all the groundwork. I presented it under the perspective that there isn't anything majorly wrong with us right now but I really want to go speak with someone so we can learn to communicate better in the challenging times, because this is my top priority... doing "us" well.

Considering your adjacent posting...

I would bring it up when he's calm and when you have some privacy to discuss the reasons and need. Is he aware that you are unhappy? If not, you need to have several conversations about what is going on in your marriage before you broach the topic of counseling.