How Do I Address This with My Husband?

I don't see it as an issue. I probably would have said something like "I would, but I am exhausted, I just want to clean up from dinner and relax." Sounds like you are just tired, and need to refuel. I wouldn't say anything.

???? I think you are making a mountain out of a mole hill.

"Honey, I just got home from working a 10 hour day. If you don't mind I need to relax the rest of the evening, so you can either go ahead without me or wait another day when I'm up to it. Love you"

Don't address it with him this time, it's over. Next time, just be more straightforward about what you plan to do. "No yard work for me tonight honey, I just want to relax." Then he will know what your intentions are.

Once a month is not worth a discussion. I think your husband just wanted a more clear response from you.

Very much a non-issue. Honestly, good for him that he did the yard. I love it when I feel motivated to do something like yard work or house work of some sort. You have to take advantage of when you feel that extra "umph" to do something like that. ...and you can admire that he cares about the house and isn't some lazy slob that doesn't notice a messy house.

I'm surprised that you have been together that long, and you are still sweating the small stuff:) I swear if you didn't mention how long you have been together I would have assumed you were a nit-picky newlywed:) No insult, meant in a light manner. It sounds like you've got a good thing going. I honestly don't find a need to talk to your husband about it. It will literally turn a non-issue into an issue- who needs more issues?

He might have been in the right frame of mind to do yard work after work but you weren't. That's fine. Just tell him "I'm not up to the task tonight. If you want my input, let's wait for a day when we are both ready to work on the yard". It sounds like he enjoys your company and wanted to do this together for this reason. Your hubby needs to tell his Mom to stop making any comments about how you raise your children. She's just way out of line and this needs to be nipped straight away.

It sounds like a non-issue. Go out and help him is what I would do.

Maybe say that you think there was a miscommunication about the yard work. My DH is a do-er and has lists of lists of things he wants to do. I sometimes find him to be an energy drain. There are times where I tell him that I'll help, but I cannot do it NOW. If your DH makes passive aggressive comments, what do you say? "DH, I am eating right now. If this is very important to you, by all means do the work now. I trust you with the yard. If you want my input it will need to wait. I just got home from a 10 hour day."

I don't know that there is an issue--except that it is bothering you on some level.
When you co habitate with someone--the other person's whims and ideas doesn't mean you have to jump on board at that second.

I would have simply said "I'm tired, need to relax, and I trust you about the yard." End of story.

I think you should stop allowing him to question YOUR motivation! I don't think it needs to be addressed--just a change in your response.

If something has not been planned in advance (planting flowers Sat morning, for example) I don't feel compelled to join in every time my husband starts a project, nor does he when I do.....we find the "divide and conquer" approach works best for us most of the time.

I think you are overthinking his statement.

Huh, I had an interesting occurrence this evening. We have an 8 year old and an 11 month old (who as you know is already like a full time job). My husband mopped the floors yesterday and "tidied" up which consists of shoving everything on an unused top bunk and cramming stuff into shelves. After I came home from shopping today (which I did with the baby and even organized a playdate for the 8 year old) he made a comment on how it was "hard to believe" he had just "cleaned" the house yesterday. LOL.

I ignored the comment. :) And I'm not sure that was the right thing to do at all....love my man and our kids.....13 years of marriage.....but still...it buuuuggged me......Some things I let slide...some things I don't.....I guess I choose my battles carefully.....this year I hired house cleaners for the first time and I reckon they are a marriage saver.....

I would worry to much about it. If you do decide to talk to him about it though, just tell him you would have loved to help him with the yard work or whatever it maybe at that particular moment, but seeing how you had just worked a long day and were exhausted, you just needed some time to relax and clear your mind. Sometimes guys get an idea in their head and thats what they want to do right then. My husband can do that too. I usually just tell him that if he wants to wait until lets say tomorrow or the weekend I will gladly help him, but at this moment I have nothing left to give. Its ok to take some time for yourself. It sounds like you have a very busy life. Kudos to you for working so hard,and blessings :)

Is this really an issue? It's annoying, but if it's not a regular occurrence then there's no need to address it. I know you are annoyed, but is this really worth a potential arguement? I only ask this because if he's generally pretty good about his commentary and doesn't give you a hard time if you say "I'm exhausted. Let's do it tomorrow morning early before it gets too hot", then let it go.

Me? I wouldn't address this at all because it doesn't sound like he's doing anything wrong. I'm still not clear on the "issue" here, though.

aw sweetie...my first thought was, "aw...how cute." sorry. that was not meant to belittle the situation at all. but you said yourself you guys have had a relatively smooth relationship. it honestly sounds to me like you are both very anti-confrontation and so you "work things out" and are the "nice guy" to the point that nothing ever really gets discussed.

if you have an issue, address it. in a neutral way - not at the time, when it could cause a fight maybe, but later. to me the issue would be "i had a very long day at work, had not eaten, was exhausted, and felt as though you didn't respect that and expected me to do what YOU wanted me to rather than take care of myself". if he wanted to do some yardwork, great - my life would have been a lot easier if i had known that ahead of time. then we could have planned. "okay, i'm not getting home until 7 that night so if we are going to do yardwork, i will need to eat something first, can you have dinner ready?"

you all need to practice communication rather than suppression.

I hear you sistah! My husband is and comes from a family of passive aggessors. They are all boys and all work in scientific fields - the worst combo for males haha. Its HARD to live with, even once a month.

Here's what's worked for me on my husband and his family - I have a rule: If you say it out loud/if I hear you say it, then it will be addressed. If they don't want to talk about it, then don't say it in front of me.

Of course arguments arise from this rule - I get responses anywhere between "shut up" to "I'm just making a comment - geesh!".

So, if someone says something and I address it, my other rule is that we decide on a solution before we walk away. So, in your case, I'd tell my husband "Is your problem that I didn't mow the lawn or just that the lawn wasn't being mowed?" or "You obviously are bothered that I didn't mow the lawn tonight. Next time, either mow the lawn yourself without comment or accept if and when I tell you I'm tired, hungry and will mow the lawn another day".

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer, only different - so I'll share with you how it works in our house. The outside of the house is my domain; I never expect my wife to help or share in the yardwork. As far as the inside goes, the only patterns we have developed are that I do the floors when they need it and she cleans the guest and 1/2 bathrooms before we have overnight guests. Everything else we share, depending on what needs attention and who has the motivation at the time. Along those lines, I suppose I clean-up the kitchen the most on a daily basis and she dusts the living areas the most on an occasional basis. In the end, I would say I do the lion's share of the home cleaning and maintenance, but then again, I would also say that I'm better at it and I don't mind doing a job well done. My wife if the type of person who would hire a maid, yardman and personal assistant if she could. I've even relented on the maid on the terms that she would find and coordinate it, but that was 18 months ago. PS - my wife works full time, and I work part time and the other part SAHD.

I don't think that I would have a full-on conversation about it, but I might respond to him in the moment. If he was being passive-aggressive, then he probably wasn't expecting a response. So...respond, but keep it light. "Oh, you won't make any major decisions without me today, will you, Sweetheart?" You don't have to receive it as passive-aggressiveness; just respond to his words, and let him deal with the issue of his tone.

What also works is what I call just "sharing". It's not reporting or even conversing...more like thinking aloud so your husband can be in on your thoughts--"Hey, I am beat today. I want to just eat and relax, and I'll catch up with the yard work tomorrow."

I would make a point to talk to him. I tend to handle things like your husband did; I don't want to confront but I do want to fix the problem. In the next week try to find some down time when you two are alone. Then just say "hon, I remember a comment you made to me recently that made me think there might be something we should talk about." Then go from there. Obviously, the better you react and communicate, the more likely that issue will be resolved quickly and the more likely he'll feel comfortable coming to you about a problem down the road. I doubt it's anything big, but with such busy lives you've got to handle problems when they're small and manageable. :D