How Do I Deal with the Neighbor's Kid?!

Well my oldest will be 10 and my youngest is 4.5 and they play very well together so the age thing wouldn't bother me one bit. And my best friend was always my younger cousin and we are 5 years apart. :)

As for his behaviors those would concern me but unless you are close and know exactly why he has a therapist, doesn't like loud noises, etc you really can't judge. I'd limit play to maybe closely supervised outside where he can run and be loud.

You could pick and choose when you want the little boy to come in the house to play...you can always "be busy" if it isn't a time that you want him to come in.
Let him know what the rules are at your house....if he breaks them...and won't listen...then it will be time to for him to go home. Just treat him like you would any other child who comes over to play.
I Would be tempted to talk with his Mother, just in general terms...ask her if there is anything you need to be aware of since he is coming into your house to play. I have never had a special needs child but I would think, if I did have a child who needed special attention that I would be more than willing to share information that would make his life a little easier with his playmates Mom.
And I do agree with you that he is a little old to be playing with your children...you can just discourage it as kindly as possible.

If you really don't want to address the concerning behaviors, which is a sticky subject, you can just tell your neighbor you're feeling an 8 year old is too old to be playmates with your 4 and 3 year old children. That your kids need to spend their playtime with children their own ages.

If you want to be honest with her, I would say, "I'm sorry Suzi, but no matter how many times I tell Joey about our house rules, he continues to run around the house and jump on my furniture. And I think because he is that much older, sometimes he plays a little too rough with my younger children. I'm afraid we're just going to have to limit our playtimes to supervised play outside in the yard because I'm not sure what else to do. I hope you understand." Chances are if you are tactful she WILL understand.

We had a similar situation, with similar age differences. Our neighbor's son was kicked out of school for behavior issues, so he was "homeschooled" which seemed to consist of him playing outside all the time. Whenever we went outside, he was there in a flash to play with my daughter. I always stayed nearby and kept them in my sight. When he showed up at our door or in the backyard, I directed him (and my daughter) to the courtyard in the front of the house where it wasn't my "property" - for some reason it felt better to me to have him playing out there rather than in my house or in my yard. I found the best way for them to "play" was when he did "tricks" on his bike and scooter for her, and she would cheer him on. That seemed to make them both happy with minimal contact. They have moved away so I don't have to deal with it anymore - but now we have a neighbor in their place with a child the same age as my daughter, but there is something seriously wrong with her and I can't let my daughter play with her - and I would prefer to have the older boy back! Good luck - I know it's awkward so I hope you find something that works for you.

Better hurt feelings that hurt kids!! Maybe you can start telling him that your kids can only play during....... and choose the time, and stick to it. Make it a time, where you can totally supervise, or better yet, make it an outside play time. You will be the free babysitter across the street if you don't put some rules in place. And, IMO he is too old to be playing with your kids. He might do, or tell them, something that you don't want them to know. This happened with me, an older boy told my kids all about sex, when they were young. I had to make a lot of clarifications for them, since he really put some pizzazz into it, if you know what I mean!! I am with your husband on this one!!!

He could have sensory issues or Autism. Ask the mother why he needs a therapist - in a nice way - look up the disability and how to handle situations, and tell her from now on he can only come over on weekends, between such and such before nap times. Send him home and stick to your guns.

School days kids need to do homework and have sports and you name it.. keep the play dates for weekends.

In my opinion, the age difference is just too much even without his behavior. I would definitely limit the time they all spend together and maybe not in the house. Play games in the yard? Only times when you can give them all your full attention. I hope the little boy is getting the help he needs.

Your situation sounds a lot like my sister's. She has talked to the kid's parents but it hasn't done much good. His parents just don't have the energy to deal with their son so they send him next door to play with my sister's kids, eat her food, jump on her furniture, make giant messes, etc. I don't know if he's diagnosed, but I believe he's either autistic or has asperberger's.

I would guess your neighbor boy is the same. If his parents are taking him to a therapist, I'm sure they know that he at least needs help, but maybe they're having trouble accepting the diagnosis or they don't realize the extent of his misbehavior when away from home. It's time to talk to his mom frankly about your trouble with him. Be gentle and don't reject him (that's a huge concern with parents of special needs children), but tell her that having him over can be a strain. It might be helpful to invite her over to see how he interacts with your children so she'll know what behaviors to encourage and what to discourage.

Most of all, be patient. Don't assume he does have a diagnosis, but do assume that he has special challenges. When you come down to it, doesn't every child have their own set of challenges and needs?

I don't see a problem with the age difference. My 4 and 7 year old enjoy playing with kids on our block. They range between toddler aged to middle schoolers. The big ones teach the little ones how to share, follow rules, play basketball and build things. None of the children, however, are aggressive as you describe. I would limit the playdates to 20 minutes or so and set very clear expectations. This boy sounds socially awkward. You could make a real difference in his life. Enlist his help to teach the little kids something. He doesn't have friends. Can you find it in your heart to let him play for a little each day? Maybe school is tough and he looks forward to playing with your children.

I wouldn't be concerned about the age difference. My 7 yo loves to play with the 4 yo across the street. My 9 yo sometimes plays with the 5 yo down the street (he's a really tough little 5 yo, lol). Age doesn't mean all that much to kids; if they get along and play together well that's all they care about.

If he's seeing a therapist then he has some issues; could be adhd, autism, social anxiety, etc etc. Heck, my son saw a therapist for a while when he was 7 because he had horrible impulse control. He was never a threat to anybody, but he might call you a bad name without thinking about it first. Therapy helped him learn to think before acting. Doesn't mean the boy is a bad kid or threat to your kids just because he's seeing a therapist.

Talk to his mom about what she told you. Explain that you don't want to do anything in your house that would set him off and ask her to help you understand what his triggers are. Talk to her about the running/screaming/jumping on furniture. Have her tell him that it's not acceptable at your house and if he does it while playing at your house he'll have to come home. Then follow through, send him home if he screams/runs/jumps on furniture. At 8 he'll learn quickly not to do those things at your house. Same thing about the roughness. He's an only child, being gentle with little kids isn't something he's familiar with if he's not around little kids. Have Mom talk to him, then if he's getting rough point it out to him "Timmy, sitting on Billy is too rough, you need to get off him and be more gentle or you'll have to go home".

Next time you see the mom, ask her for a few of her time. Let her know that you appreciate her telling you about the loud noises, but you're concerned that you perhaps didn't understand what needed to be done. Ask if he has a sensory processing issues. Tell her that while you're okay with him playing with your kids, he has been rough with them and you want to be able to handle those situations as best as possible for him and for your two kids as well.

Approach her with compassion, and assume (until proven otherwise) that she's a responsible mom who would not allow her child to play with others if she thought they would be hurt by her child (ie, don't assume that she's just pushing out the door and shoving him off on you, come what may, unless you have further evidence to do so).

If needed, you can use the reasoning, as suggested by 1stTimeMommy, that it's a school week, so you'd like keep the playdates to the weekend. And on breaks, if things don't improve or you still feel uncomfortable with this, be sure to have the family be busy so that you're not around for drop by playdates every day during break.

I honestly don't see a problem with age differences. I played with kids who were several years younger than I was...all the kids on my street played together as we grew up. I also had a friend when I was 8 or 9 who was a teenager with down syndrome. So the age difference in itself wouldn't concern me. Your kids might learn things from an older child...l learned to jump rope and rollerskate from a girl a couple of years older than me. It can be a very beneficial friendship. That being said, if he has behavioral issues, you need to address them. Every child needs and deserves friends. You don't know what's going on with him at home and perhaps you are providing the guidance he needs (don't jump on the furniture, we don't need to yell, etc). He also sounds like maybe he has autism? My nephew is 6 and has always had similar issues with noise. At Christmas one year, we were opening presents and we all started laughing at a joke and it sent my nephew into a screaming fit on the floor. He couldn't handle the noise. It turns out he has a high functioning form of Autism. He also tends to be rough and you have to watch him. But he can be incredibly sweet and loving, too. If your neighbor boy doesn't have many friends and he has a therapist, it sounds like there is some issue there that needs to be looked at and monitored. I wouldn't let him play with your children unsupervised, but if you can ask his mom what issues he has and how to deal with them, you can also explain to your children about having compassion for others who are different, or who have disabilities. If his mom can't or won't tell you what the trouble is or how to deal with it, then you may have to just tell her you're sorry, but you can't put your children in a vulnerable position with no way to control it if it gets out of hand. If you know what you are dealing with, you can learn how to manage it and be a friend to him since it sounds like many won't make the effort. But you HAVE to know what's going on to do that. Just tell his mom that you are concerned about how rough he is, etc and ask if she can help you with a solution so they can still play.

you deal with this by being busy when he comes to play. 8 is to old to be coming over to play with a 4 year old and 3 yr old. just say no sorry they can't play right now. and close the door.

I would also be busy. Don't let him come in and play maybe have him play outside with your kids for 20 min at a time and then go in? I would have my kids outside while he is in school.

My nephew RIPPED my couch! His mom (my DH's sister) apparently lets him run all over and scream and jump on the furniture. I had to ask him several times to calm down and behave. My daughter then tries it!!

So we spend as much time as possible OUTSIDE! That helped a lot!

It doesn't make sense to have an 8 year old boy playing with 3 and 4 year olds. Even if he wasn't loony, he would be likely to hurt them because he is so much bigger and will naturally play harder.

You gotta kinda feel bad for the kid because he is an only child and your kids give him something to do, but I still would just have a talk with the mom. Just be as nice as you can be and let her know that the age gap is too big for them to be playing together. Apologize for not realizing the implications of such a gap. You can even explain that older kids are just bigger players and more mature so your kids have gotten hurt and also do not get the opportunity to play game their level.

She may be upset but really, you should be the one upset since you have been her babysitter without pay. I wouldn't worry about it, it is about your kids not your neighbor's feelings. Put a stop to it.

Good luck!

I feel it is too old to play with your kids. I would just subtly end it by putting the kibosh on the playing. A few times and it should be done.