J.,
As far as what to get rid of, I would get rid of what you consistently see laying out or things that don't get used much or at all anymore.
As far as getting help goes, your kids aren't going to do this unless you require them to. At our house, privileges like playing outside or with friends, screen time, free time, etc. come AFTER responsibilities are taken care of. I don't even let them have breakfast until the rest of their morning routine is done.
This is our system: I made a poster board. It’s a regular 22x28” that has 2 ½ “ poster board strips taped at the bottom and sides to make long pockets. It has a 5x6” pocket taped on the sides and bottom.
Next I made 2 sets of index cards for each child: AM and PM. I made one additional set of index cards that are rotating and split the cards evenly between the children. Making each set a different color keeps them from getting mixed up. Each card has one chore on it. Here is my list that is appropriate for my 4,6, and 8 year olds.
AM – Say prayers, make bed, get dressed, put away pajamas, color sort your dirty clothes into main laundry baskets, make breakfast, put away dishes, wash face, brush hair, brush teeth, pack lunch in backpack, practice violin, tidy room, tidy basement(picking up twice a day keeps it from getting overwhelming to clean.)
PM – Put away dishes, Put away clean clothes mom washed into closet and drawers, tidy up basement, tidy up room, homework, pack lunch and put in fridge, put away dirty clothes, shower, put away towel, put on pajamas, brush hair, brush teeth, family scripture study and family prayer, personal prayers.
Rotating – Set table: (plates, bowls, cups, silverware, napkins) Sweep kitchen and dining room, wipe off dining table, wipe off bathroom sink and countertop, Unload from dishwasher: (plates, bowls, cups, silverware,) Garbage: (take out upstairs, take out downstairs, take to the curb.) *I do need to help my 4 year old roll the big garbage can to the curb, but my 6 and 8 year olds do it fine alone.
Kids’ responsibilities: Do what is on the card and when you’re finished, put it in the “done” pocket. When all of your cards are in the “done” pocket, you are free to do what you want. The faster you move, the more free time you get. If you think your children might put cards away without doing the job, talk to them ahead of time and lay out a clear and unpleasant consequence for that. Ditto if you think they may do a sloppy job. They will as long as you let them. Then monitor it closely at first and follow through on the consequence. Because my kids don’t have to leave for the bus stop until 8:55, they get screen time (Wii, computer, Leapster or TV) after everything is done until the bus comes when it’s too cold to go out and play in the morning. Other options are to have the children earn “points” or “tickets” for each thing they do which can be traded in for whatever the child values. (Ex. each chore done earns one ticket which can be traded in for 2 minutes of screen time.)
Mom’s responsibilities: At night after kids are in bed, I set out the cards of everything they need to do the next day in either the AM or the PM pocket. I also run the dishwasher at night so it’s ready to unload in the morning. I make sure the large “dark” and “light” load laundry baskets are out in the hall before the kids get up in the morning so they can sort their clothes. After the kids leave for school, I do laundry and make sure it’s folded before they get home from school so they can put clothes away.
As my children get more responsibilities (more cards) and the poster isn’t big enough anymore, I plan to keep the cards in a recipe box instead. Because your kids are new to this, I would probably stick with something similar to what I listed. As they get accustomed to it, you can add other age appropriate chores like loading and running the dishwasher, vacuuming, folding clothes, cleaning toilets, showers and tubs, etc. Your 10 year old is old enough to do the laundry independently, but needs to be trained on emptying pockets, using the right amount of soap, handling delicates, etc.
The first key to room cleaning success is to make cleaning the room doable. If kids just see an overwhelming mess, they don't know where to even begin and they won't try. Don't just send them to their room to work alone the first time. Be in there with them and make it a team effort, teaching them how to clean. Make sure there is a place for everything they are keeping. Teach them to pick a starting place and work around in a circle until the room is clean. Don't worry about everything at once, just look directly in front of you and put that away.
To maintain cleanliness, there are a few more keys to success. I have my kids clean their rooms twice per day, once before breakfast and again before dinner. The mess stays under control when it's only a matter of hours since the last cleaning. It's when it's let go for days or weeks that it gets overwhelming. Once every few months, we do a "deep clean" where we get rid of stuff and make sure all the little pieces to sets are not mixed up in the wrong bin. This is also the time to go through clothes that are too small, too worn out, need repairs, out of season, etc.
This system is very effective, but only when it's enforced. If children are not given the proper training and tools to succeed, then they fail and everyone gets frustrated. If children are not held accountable to do their share with set rewards and consequences, they usually don’t have the self discipline to do it. If you need any other ideas, feel free to email me. “Sidetracked Home Executives” is also a great book that covers this subject.
Good luck,
S.