How Do You Get Your Husband to Volunteer His Help?

Have you directly told him exactly what you need? My husband was raised exactly like your husband. (The 30 yr old brother still lives at home and the mom does everything for him.) And, I have to tell him exactly what needs to be done. And I mean exactly. I need to explain exactly how to set the table for instance. Seriously, I can not say please pick up the kids toys. I need to tell him pick all the books up off the floor and no, do not stack them where ever, they need to be verticle in the bookcase w/ the spines out. Seriously, I need to be that specific. My husband is lazy, plus clueless. Good luck. It will not be easy.

Are you married to my husband? Sounds similar. We went through our ups and downs and you're right, husbands have there good and not so good qualities. At times it feels like if someone asks me how many kids I have, I count my husband as the oldest...........and sometimes toughest kid.
Anyway. it's a process that takes two people that love eachother so much that they understand that they need each other. I was/am the independent type (if you want it done, do it yourself) type but realized that I was driving myself nuts trying to do it all. Honestly, show him what your request. Sometimes I felt that I would b**ch so much to my husband and he just wasn't hearing me. I used to journal my thoughts to reduce frustration and sometimes I would let him read them. Doesn't work all the time, but there were times where he understood how serious I was.
I also advise just taking some time for you. I say that and I don't do it as much as I should for myself, but when I do, I feel so relieved. Lots of luck.

Well C., you've got a big job a head of you and I don't mean your work. You need to have (probably numerous) conversations with your husband about your unhappiness. You have a very unfair/lopsided relationship. If you want things to get better then you will have to tell him what you want, that you are unhappy and listen to what he really wants in your relationship as well. And you will have to do all of this many times with much diplomacy. In effect you will have to renegotiate the dynamics of your relationship. The first thing he has to understand it that for a relationship to be fulfilling both partners have to be happy. He has to know that if you are unhappy in the relationship that it will affect his happiness. At the moment he thinks that he can have everything he wants and that your unhappiness will not affect him. He believes that things can go on as they are with no consequence. Never the less, it is not likely he will respond well to diatribes of complaints and long dissertations of your discontent. If talked to that way he will only feel insulted and attacked. He won’t listen. I suggest a good couples therapist if you want the best possible result. In the mean time you could try a book called “Why Mars and Venus collide”. That book did wonders for my husband I. We read it together and the ideas in it are excelent.

I had the same situtaion with my ex husband (its not why were divorced though - so dont worry). i had to essentially 'go on strike' becuase he was home days.. worked late afternoons.. and i worked days. he would complain the house was a mess... dishes dirty.. clothes not hung/washed..etc... yet i was working a LOT OF HOURS all week long.. and he wanted to be able to go out and have 'fun' but wanted the advantage of the extra check and didnt want to share in the house chores. after going on strike (bitting my lip the entire time) for about a month he FINALLY started to help out..becuase nothing was cleaned.. he couldnt find anything..etc. after a while he got into the program :).

at times we have to treat our spouces like children and dont laugh.. treat them like a puppy - giving rewards of encouragement for any RIGHT doing and they respond better than just a 'thank you'.. trust me... its been a long kept 'secret' among the older generation..there is even a movie about buying a puppy training book and 'training' your husband the way you train a puppy (where you even pet your man's head and say 'good boy' or.. something like 'your my strong man i love' with kisses.. it works!!) - its a 1960's movie. i tried it..everyone i mention it to who ties it laughs as to how it works. of course.. it wont happen that he will join the program any time SOON but eventually he will get it. keep the patience and vodka near by for your nerves :) (kidding)