How Do You Keep Strangers from Touching Your Baby??? It's Getting Really Scary!

The baby might not like it much cause she wont be able to see, but if you put her in a front pack facing you, that might help.

You just have to get a little bolder & bitchy sometimes. It ends up coming naturally as you advance your way through motherhood, I think. I have twins. When I'd take them out alone at first, it was like being attacked with by the paparazzi. Tons of questions and tons of touching. I was so frustrated with it, and it was really stressing me out a lot. One day at Target that little filter that normally keeps my exact thoughts from coming out of my mouth seemed to have failed me. To a perfectly nice, older woman, I found myself saying, "Do people ever walk up to you and just start touching you?" And I paused for a moment while she stared at me in shock. Then I said, "Don't touch other people's babies, please." And I just walked away, pushing the stroller and knocking her hand right out of it with my 4 year old following me trying hard to stifle her laugh. And I was a little embarrassed at first, but then I figured, hey I just had twins. I can say whatever the heck I want to someone who's going to just walk up and start touching them! And I wasn't always so rude necessarily, but the story traveled around my family. Everyone got a good laugh. Then my brother sent me some onesies that said "Don't Touch Me!" on the front. It was funny. I took them out in the onesies a couple times, and I saw more smiles than hands pulling back. They can think whatever they want of me. I grew more confident and eventually didn't have to worry about people touching them. I moved by quickly, just nodding or smiling as if I were in a hurry, or I'd put myself between people and my stroller or shopping cart when they felt absolutely compelled to stop and talk to me. I got to recognize the signs of an approaching toucher :) I also perfected my super unfriendly mom on a mission look, and people tend not to stop me then. But overall, I think that if you had a child in a store full of fragile items, you'd tell them "Don't touch" if they got too close. Same goes for someone touching your baby. "Don't touch" embarrasses other people more than it does you in the end, and trust me, it gets IMMEDIATE results. Who cares what they think of you....are you even going to see half of these people again?

When we had our triplets out people would come up all the time and want to touch or just take a peek! We knew that they would draw attention but when we needed to get in and out of places or didn't want people to bother us this is what we did.. 1st.--if I happend to be alone at the mall or whereever I would act like I was talking on the phone and ignore their advances. 2nd.--don't make eye contact...keep moving this avoided alot of problems. 3rd--my sister made a netting to go over the stroller so that people could not reach in and touch them. BUT...here is something that happend when I was at the Fox Valley Mall around Easter 8yrs ago. The triplets were all sleeping in the stroller my son was in the front and the girls behind him. They were about 5months old. I was alone getting candy for Easter in the "BY THE WEIGH" store. My hands were full when a woman about early 50's and her daughter(I think) in her early 20's came up and picked up my son out of the stroller, I dropped everything and grabbed him back..I was like HELLOOO...she said to me that he looked "uncomfortable"...I said "he was sleeping!!" She turned quickly and left....I was flabbergasted! It hit me ...if they took him and ran off do I leave the other 2 and run after him or stay with them and yell in hopes someone would help me. So I left the store not purchasing anything and went to collect myself. I went down to the McDonalds in the food court to get something to drink and relax I had the stroller up against the counter with the front against the wall and I stood gaurd on the other side...Here comes a girl maybe 19yrs goes to pick up my son AGAIN and says HE LOOKS UNCOMFORTABLE! I said in a very loud tone HE"S SLEEPING HE"S FINE!!! I called my dad who was less than 5 minutes away and he met me and walked me to the car so I could load them up as it would have been hard to put 3 in the car at once. I never went to the mall alone with them after that...If you don't want anyone touching your child..for reasons of germs or safety...don't hesitate to say something...it can be said in a nice but firm way....
Hope this helps.

C.

Oh, this brings back so many memories. My daughter is now newly 4 and my son, 2 3/4. We took my daughter out around the neighborhood to watch the trick or treaters when she was about 7 months old. My husband was holding her. She had a little tiger costume on and some lady came off of her porch - this was in oak park, il and there were about 5 ladies on their porch handing out candy and looks like they were enjoying themselves and drinking wine. Anyways, this lady came over and took her out of my husbands arms and said, how cute, blah blah blah. I think he was just stunned but I was shocked and quite p.o.ed. If I were holding her, I would have stepped back and held her tighter and said, she has stranger anxiety right now, do you mind. Anyways, she started this hyper-venelating type of cry (she really did have stranger danger fears at this time). So, I grabbed her back. My husband still can't believe that woman. I definately was more paranoid with my first - but thought this was crossing the line. Also, even when my 4 yr old niece would always want to touch her face, I would ask her not to touch her. When my daughter was 3 months old and in a stroller and my niece, same niece was 4, we went to the zoo together with my sister and other two nieces. My little niece was playing with sticks on the ground at the zoo, came over to my daughter and tried to touch her face. My sister told me I was being to paranoid and I said, I don't care if this is my first, I'm a mom and I'm cautious for a good reason, to keep my baby healthy. I'm more laid back now, after going through toddlerhood and having them pick up food off the floor they drop and eat it, ect. But I don't think going back, I'd change how I reacted because they are so sensitive to getting sick when they are just months old.
The post above just cracks me up about saying she wasnt expecting after the lady touched her pregnant belly. I wish I would of thought of that. I just stepped back quickly and gave a very annoyed look and walked the other way. OOOOOh, people should not touch a pregnant womans belly unless she asks you to!

Why do people think they can cross this barrier? this COMPLETELY annoys me too! I would have complete strangers touch my pregnant belly! (funny side note... one time a woman did this, and asked how far along I was... I was about 7 months at the time, but I responded 'excuse me?' she repeated herself and I said 'i'm not expecting!' she apologized up and down, but i felt the need to cure just one person of being too blantantly forward as to invade my personal space')

when people approach my baby, i typically put my hands on the baby to keep them from getting a hand, cheek, etc. And I have told people 'i'm sorry, but do you mind? she has a compromised immune system so we need to limit her exposure to germs just now'

i don't care if people think i'm being rude... they're not the ones who will have to spend thier nights awake trying to make a congested baby feel better.

(p.s. I have found that will each kid, my nerve gets stronger and stronger and i've become more outspoken... )

good luck!

I've had friends put a sign on their stroller that says "Please look but don't touch. Immune compromised Preemies".

I know yours isn't a preemie-- but a simple sign won't ellicit too many questions, I don't think, and should do the trick!

And I bet she is totally irresistable!

I once had an elderly woman at the mall (who had an aide and a cane to help her walk) play with my son and say several times, "I think he wants me to hold him". The nerve of some people! I know what you mean!

Well. . . I guess I sort of disagree. I don't think it's always a big deal when people want to reach out and connect with my baby. I feel like it's helping to teach social cues -- you'd reach out to shake someone's hand or smile to someone passing on the street, right? Yeah, I know, you don't want strangers getting too familiar with your baby but I think a pat on the head or brief touch is fine and maybe even helps to build their imunity. As your baby gets older, they'll start to touch EVERYTHING . . . and any germs that they could possibly get from a stranger's touch will be long forgotten as you worry about them touching chewed up gum on the sidewalk, dropped cigarettes, etc.

People get such joy from babies and our kids are babies for such a short time that I'd suggest taking a deep breath and relaxing a little the next time it happens. I've heard a few times from older people whose children (or even grandchildren) are grown that seeing babies just triggers such happy memories that they're just drawn to them. My youngest is only 9-mos old, but I already feel like I miss those newborn days, so I can't guarantee that I won't be one of those who pats your baby's head in a few years, lol. Right now, I can usually force myself to practice restraint because I know some mothers go crazy over it . . . in a few years I may not be strong enough!

www.handsoffbaby.com they have signs that say "wash hands before touching baby" this usually gets your point across and keeps strangers from touching. They attach to infant carriers and strollers.

I would suggest a babysling. This keeps baby close to your body and your personal zone. Kaysha at The Sling Connection in Lincoln is a gem at helping people figure out babywearing. I highly recommend her.

Using the compromised immune system line is a great one. Just put your hand up and politely say "I'm sorry - she has a weakened immune system". That'll pull the strangers away and you shouldn't need to explain any further. You're not exactly lying b/c she hasn't had all of her immunizations. Again - they're strangers so there shouldn't be any need to explain.

It's easier said than done: Firmly and politely tell people not to touch your daughter. You don't know these people so don't worry about what they might think or say. Your daughter's health and well being is more important than their feelings.

You are too funny but I feel your concern. I think it is something that all new mommies experience. Not sure why but it just happens. We had a meeting on financial advice at work some years ago and my DH and brought our baby. At this point she would always take mommy's or daddy's finger into her mouth to soothe her gums. Well, my coworker was holding her and did not stop as my daughter attempted to place her finger into her little mouth. I WAS SO ANGRY! I could not believe her finger was in my baby's mouth. I politely and immediately said, no honey, that's not mommy's finger. Now I know my baby didn't know it wasn't my finger. BUT MY COWORKER DID & OBVIOUSLY THOUGHT THIS WAS OKAY AND CUTE. I even had the day care provider on one occassion to kiss my daugahter on the lips as we departed one evening. All I could think of is how happy I was that we were moving to another daycare! THAT'S A "KELLY RIPPA" NO NO WITH ME! I thought everyone knew you don't kiss a baby, especially one that ain't yours, on the lips!

It's hard not to hurt people's feelings and keep your baby safe and not appear over sensitive. But do what you have to do. You may have to think a second so that you are diplomatic but keeping hand sanitizer in your diaper bag is a great idea! I do it now with my 15 month old.

~M.

The one thing that has helped us is to wear our baby. They make so many cute slings, wraps, and carriers and more often than not it keeps people at a distance because your baby is snuggled so close to you.

I understand your concern but remember your child will develop immunity by being exposed. Once she starts daycare or school especially, and while I do feel it was inconsiderate of a woman to touch her after coughing being too overprotective will make you loose your sanity. Babies bring out the best in people, make them smile and be friendly in the worst situations. You must find a happy medium between exposing you child in very serious situations that could be avoided and the everyday type exposure.
Hand sanitizer, while it protects short term is feared to develop more bacteria that is antibiotic resistant. Your baby will get sick, although if you are nursing, it will help, you

Unfortunately, I found myself being a little standoffish to people. I am now usually a bit able to tell when someone is going to approach us and if they make a comment, I am usually pretty short "Oh, okay thanks" and just keep peddling. I learned not to stop. I had twins and even without twins, you have such a short span heading out. A couple of times I found myself having to say "Please do not touch" or literally peddling away as I saw a stranger had come near the kids in the stroller. It is really annoying. Just have your plan of attack and stick with it and if necessary, feel free to speak up. If someone else doesn't like it, that's their problem.

Dear A.,

You must be your child's best advocate! What is more important - the health and safety of your child, or not offending a pushy stranger? Sometimes we have to be "Mama Bear", and protect our young, even if that means we have to growl a little ;)

i have noticed that it is mostly seniors who like to invade our personal space.haha!! the more outspoken the better. i have a 5 and 6 year old and still have older people coming up to my kids. especially when we are out ot dinner. they rub their faces or hair telling them how cute they are or well behaved. my kids are old enough to speak their minds and for the most part i let them as long as they are being kind. they usually say " thank you but could you please not mess up my hair." or "i've been sick so please don't touch me." it has worked wonders so far.

it will never end. just think when we are all 'old people' we might n=be doing the same things. haha!! good luck with this never ending battle.

You may find it "scary", but it's totally innocent. What has this world come to? The more antibacterial stuff you use on your infant the worse it will be. These strangers are doing your child a favor. Our society is way too clean and I think we need to settle down a little bit.

A W raises some very good points. As a new mom I was like you too, but you need to relax a little. Your baby--whom will be a toddler very soon will be eating things off the floor in no time. You'll be wishing strangers were touching her again.

A.,

When my daughter was little, I ran into this problem too - she was born with a head full of beautiful, bright reddish-blonde hair and total strangers (especially seniors) just couldn't resist approaching us and touching her hair!

I finally started blocking their reach, and would just say "oops, you don't want to do that - she's a biter!" and they kind of got the message some of the time.

They're going to get germs when you take them out anyway though - a lot of the stuff going around is airborn, it's just life. All you can do is stay in during cold / flu season if it really concerns you.

good luck :-)

W.

grabbing a hand....or touching their arms legs or maybe hair is not crossing the line. if your baby was grossly disfigured you would be complaining that people were ignoring her and pretending they didn't see her. im mexican and it is a superstition that if you see a baby and admire the baby without touching it you are giving it a sort of curse or "evil eye" almost like an envy. so when we see babies we have to make some sort of contact....i usually just touch a foot or maybe an elbow always trying not to touch the face or hands. but some people don't have limits like that......i think when someone picks your baby up without asking thats when you should be firm and standoffish.....they are crossing the line and need to be put in place. but just a friendly touch or pat on the head is not going to hurt....you need to expose your child to outside germs and they will become more acceptable of new people.