I am so exasperated right now...I feel like I keep repeating myself like a broken record.
I am not talking about when I tell my child to do something...like "take your shoes to your room" or "go tell your sister, whatever" or "go set the table for dinner". My kids are great about a direct direction...now don't give more than two tasks at a time or they will miss something...but a direct task or chore and they will say, "yes, mom" and off they go to do it.
I am talking about the other million little things like, washing your hands every time you go to the bathroom. I shouldn't have to tell you we have been doing it that way for the four years you have been potty trained. OR the one that just totally set me off into lecture mom mode a few minutes ago. I am fixing a plate with paint on it for my son who is waiting to paint at the little kid table. I turn around and I kid you not he has his foot in his mouth. I think he was trimming his toenails or something...but I have said it over and over that your feet go on the floor, not on the furniture, not in your hands, and certainly not in your mouth. Your feet are dirty they have been all over the floor and outside barefoot (which I don't like, but don't always catch...when I do it is telling them to go put on shoes).
Or earlier today I notice brown streaks on my daughter's bedspread. I am going oh no what it THAT? Well it isn't until I go and empty her laundry hamper that I find the underwear still full of poop (and the hamper with poop throughout it) that I realize it is well poop. When I talk to her about it...I calmly explain that it is okay if we have an accident but we need to tell mommy about it so we can clean it up. Well it happened yesterday when she was home alone with my husband and she was embarrassed to tell him. Now I am not mad at her but more just exasperated about the whole situation...I spoke calmly to her and explained that daddy's know about poop and it is okay to tell him. Inside I am thinking of all the extra work I have now in an already full day. And that by the time her bedspread and clothes are washed my already stripped bedsheets are not gonna make it through the wash until late tonight and I will be making my bed at eleven pm.
So how do you handle the issues that aren't an everyday thing but you have been repeating them over and over for years...and the situations that just throw you for a loop because it adds so much more work to your already crammed full day? Also what has been your most exasperated moment lately?
I am almost ready to laugh about the poop (only to myself) but the feet thing is still grossing me out and I want to go lecture again (but I won't).
I just get exasperated.
And I tell my kids "Don't bother Mommy. I need a time out."
LOL
Then also I tell them if they cannot cooperate with Mommy.... then I will not cooperate with them.
Period.
Unless it is an emergency.
One of the first words my kids all learned was "Fusster-ated" frustrated.
My daughter would say No no, mommy is fusstated!! Stay away.
Now that they are 10, 13 and 16, I can just look at them or call their names.
I'm glad you wrote the last sentence, because that will be my answer. Laugh about the poop. And laugh about the feet too. The worst he will get from that is pinworms (spoken by an ex toenail chewer).
I was you, 15 years ago, and I know exactly how you feel. And looking back on it, the answer is really to just laugh and relax about it. The additional stress we put on ourselves over these things is the most exhausting part of the workload.
The poop on the bed won't be there in a few years, the toe-chewing will stop, and you will realize it didn't really matter.
Just laugh, and throw the stuff in the wash. When you see the toe-chewing, walk out of the room. Being constantly overloaded with stuff to do is bad enough, but adding the emotion and stress to it all is what really overwhelms us.
You'll get through it.
You have the answer. Sometimes you either laugh or cry. I vote for laughing whenever possible.
As your children grow up, they won't be pooping in the wrong places, I hope, but they'll be doing other things. You need to get very practiced in laughter. Children of every age don't turn off as fast to laughter as they do to lectures.
Oh R.-
Perhaps your son is going to be a contortionist? Enroll him in gymnastics ASAP!!! lol
Truth be told...as a kid...I TOO bit my toenails...lol
In spite of that little known fact, I turned out OK!
Keep the faith!
michele/cat
This is part of parenthood and why some people dont want to have kids ;)
It's not for the meek that's for sure.
This will pass as they get older... I'm assuming your kids are under the age of 6 or so. It WILL get better, hang in there Mom.
Every mom has those same moments and sometimes we blow up, sometimes we cry and sometimes we laugh! I think the best is to try to laugh. I try to think of these two sayings - try not to sweat the small stuff and to remember the big picture...better said than done :) You also sound overloaded. If possible, enlist the help of the other member of your family - your kids (even toddlers) and husband or boyfriend on a regular basis on household chores. Also, schedule some "ME" time each week. (I'm still working on that) LOL!!!
Mine has been pushing EVERY button I have and some I didn't KNOW I had.
Yesterday he told me he had to tell me a secret. (His usual stall tactic before going to bed.) Well, according to the four year old "Nationwide is on your side." I about fell over and almost peed myself. He was VERY serious about it too. Gotta love those naughty/hysterical kids!
It gets better when they get out on their own (and hit age 21). Something magical happens about that age. It's like over night they remember what we taught them about cleaning etc. and we aren't so stupid after all. My friend once told me that when our children turn 13 we should put them in an insane asylum and not let them out until they're 21.
In many instances, I am inclined to agree. While I had a blast with my kids as teens, they really don't think past their noses. Mine are now 27,24,and22 and I can attest to the fact that it does get better.
As far as telling them what to do and expecting them to repeat it after a couple of times....statistics show that we have to tell them something 500,000 times before it sinks in. (I think it may be more on some things! HA!) Sooooo...start counting!!! LOL!
Kids are a lot more fun if you relax and quit expecting them to be "little adults". They will eventually mature. You make the choice of whether to relax or be stressed while they're taking their time to do it.
KP
just laugh it off. my kid is two so alot of little things like that is understandable, but when my sister wase about two and a half she had a bad habit of taking poop from her diaper and hiding it in places like dresser drawers or under the bed...gross.
wow R., I think we must be related!!! lol, I get the same way!!! my toddler is usually really great about behaving and when I ask or tell him to do something, i'd say about 85% of the time he does it....but the stuff like, "do not climb into the walker with your baby brother" etc is when I just want to scream. my most exasperated moment lately?? lets see, probably this morning, after I spent a good hour sweeping and vacuuming the floors getting them really clean and my toddler dropped his "unspillable" snack bowl on our bedroom floor and spilled chex mix all over the floor and under our bed.....aaarrrggghhhh!!!!!!!
Kids are awesome, sweet, full of fun and just so so gorgeous...but they are also REALLY annoying. I am bursting with love for my babies--even when I am exploding with irritation. It is the yin/yang of parenting.
Lecture away---chances are they stopped listening half a sentence in:)
WAIT! DID SOMEONE SAY IT WOULD PASS WHEN THEY WERE OLDER THAN 6 OR SO? HAHAHAHAHAHA. Sorry. Momentary lapse of reasoning. Um. Mine are 16, 13, 13, 8, and 4. They are lovely children, but I am still waiting for the day they can put things back in the PROPER PLACES!!! :)
I think if you are having to say things too many times it is because there are no real consequences. The kid putting his foot in his mouth would not have gotten to paint. He would be sent to his room until he can come out and tell you why he was sent to his room.
The daughter who filled the laundry basket with poop (you didn't say what age?) would have some job to do or some consequence for making such a terrible mess.
Otherwise they do not listen, if there is nothing tied to their actions. They learn to ignore and run all over mom because she is not going to do anything.
My 4 1/2 year old (actually closer to 5 now) has lately started doing something when the bathroom door is shut. I'm still not sure what he's doing or why, but I find poop smeared in finger trails on the bathroom walls on a regular basis. I wondered if he got it on his hands by accident and is just trying to get it off, but now I think he does it just because he's a boy, not thinking, and it seems like a good idea at the time. It is no longer funny to me (never really was) and he can parrot that touching poop can make you sick and we shouldn't do it. I take away his privilege of having the bathroom door shut for a while and that seems to stop it.
Stuff that I always make them do that they have dumb moments about? Clearing off their places at the table is one. Stupid, but it really irritates me since it is just more work for me if they don't, and I'm usually going from meals to something else when I'm home. I don't think anyone else who watches them is as insistent about it, so I often come home to uncleared plates, flatware, and food on the table and floor.
Saturday and Sunday are my days off and the only mornings I get the kids up. I let them sleep until they wake up (except for Sundays since we have to be out the door on time for church), but Saturday mornings I make them pick up their room, make their beds, and then we vacuum. It is the same thing every Saturday, but they still act like it's a chore. (It is a chore, one I do not enjoy, but again, I work full-time and it is my only day to do it.)
Grabbing the baby's head and twirling it around (this is more like whipping it in circles, not twisting it). I've told them they can't grab any part of the baby, but it certainly doesn't stop happening. They really like him and I'm sure are just overcome with the need to interact in their favorite way--physically.
Picking up the toys that are in the garage is another. We live in a rental and pick the toys up (at least get them tossed into the garage so they're not in the driveway). You'd think it was the first time I'd asked them every time. :)
I'm with Laura W. What?? It gets better?
Mine are 13,15 and 19 and still I wonder if they have ever been parented or were just rased by wolves. And I've been the stay at home mom all this time.
Somehow in the last 19 years I have not been able to convey the bit of information that napkins go in laps. Not one of my children will put their napkin in their lap. It sits next to them on the table. Never mind that I say "put your napkin in your lap" constantly and have for the last 19 years. And my husband and I (and most of the civilized world we live in) put our napkins in our laps. If push comes to shove and I give tthem the dirty look after saying something they will tuck the unfolded napkin under their leg rather than spreading a nice, clean cloth napkin across their lap.
I don't get it.
Most of the time I just have to laugh. (Especially when their spaghetti ends up in their lap-except then that just means ruined clothes or more laundry.)
Laugh. Laugh some more. Post your day on Facebook...a lovely place to vent to friends.
First, your kids are just being kids. I had to tell MY 7yo yesterday that feet don't go in the mouth! It was nasty! He said they were delicious! Ugh! Boys! THAT is how I deal with it.
What gets me the most is when my boys know better. They don't use the brains God gave them and just go and do some thing stupid. Or don't think before they speak. Or ask questions that are self explanatory or that they already know the answer to.
As for your daughter feeling embarrassed, what caused her to feel that way? DH taught our middle one to wash his bedsheets on his own when he went the bed. It sometimes threw off my wash cycle- there was en extra load going that I wasn't expecting, but no big deal. He dealt with it himself. No embarrassment needed. I would suggest you get a couple of extra sets of sheets for the bed. With college going back right now, they are on sale everywhere. That way the bed can be changed and you can deal with the wash at your leisure.
Just let the other things go. You have taught them, let the lesson sink in.
I'm glad you can laugh about the poop. I have one of those poop stories that I can laugh about now. Bless your heart.
Kids will be kids until their brain synapses (or something like that) connect and they can see the bigger picture and put more stuff together rationally. Then they will have some other phase they will go through. Teenagers' brains get all mushy for a while. Then they become adults and YOU get smart again.
Try and have some fun with it. When your son's toes are in his mouth, just remember that boys and girls from all over the world have survived worse stuff in their mouths (I can reference my poop story but it will gross you out). You might ask him, "Are you using your foot as a fork again?" The more he gets a reaction out of you, the more he might be enjoying it. Who knows. But if you don't seem phased, then maybe he'll get bored with it... or not. But think up some fun comments instead.
As you feel the temperature rising on your internal thermostat, put on some headphones with your favorite music. Hopefully you will be dancing, singing or both in no time. Next thing you know, you will be watching these hopeless kids walking down the aisle and you will take pride in the fact that you managed to help them through these ridiculous years.
Be sure to ask other moms about their "funny" moments. We have to laugh more.
